Welcome to Gaia! ::

Okay well I'm new here... Not really sure what to say but since I haven't gotten the sort of critiques/advice/help/honesty/smidget-of-attention that I've wanted from the forums... Perhaps you all would be so kind as to help me out with my story? I'm not sure if it needs any more spelling/grammar/English-language-usage-Help in general but I would like some honest opinions, I'll just post the first chapter, for now, if that's alright, and then I'll come back depending upon whether or not you want more.

There will be a transition from first person to third person and back again, but it's all part of the story, so please don't yell at me. I know what I'm doing - I think. - Ignore the numbers... I have them there to help me with editing while posting online.
Enjoy.

((Hmm I haven't exactly tied the title in with everything else, but I swear I know where I'm going with this!))

Sleeping Halls Hospital

Chapter One

The Last Meeting

(1) I woke up. Squinting against the glare of the sun I sat up. I was in a different place. I always was in a different place when I woke up. It was always a place thought of in dreams and read about in fantasy novels; once in a while I woke up in a futuristic city with destroyed governments and cities in a constant blanket of dark clouds, and hover-boards instead of skateboards. But I normally woke up in a sort of fairy tale kingdom where magic existed and kings and queens ruled; in truth, I preferred the fairy tales. Shielding my eyes with one hand I looked around. I sat in a field and could make out a small cabin-like building in the distance; toward the edge of a forest.

(2) Who would I be this time? What was my name? Isabel? No. Lia? No. Setina? No. Infinity...? Yes. Infinity was my name, again. I'm quite fond of that name. Crossing my legs I thought of Infinity and who she was, and what she meant to me. She was strong, powerful, quiet, seductive, sexy, smart, fun; exciting, beautiful, funny, and perfect, to me. Her hair was long, to the small of her back, and it looked like fire, a perfect blend of orange, red, and some blonde. Infinity was slim built, but a perfect shape, and stronger than she looked. Standing at only four-nine most men, and even women, towered over her. Her eyes were a fiery red with flecks of gold and they were set into a heart shaped face. Pointed ears lead most to assume she is an elf, however; Infinity is much more than that.

(3) While the air was still cool and no one was around I decided it would be good to choose her occupation; most importantly, her clothes. Closing my eyes I pictured Infinity in my mind. What should she wear? A dress, or maybe pants, boots, and a shirt, or perhaps a skirt and a nice top? A dress would be nice, as dresses are always pleasant to wear. Shall I be rich or poor? Good or evil, or perhaps a little of both? Rich would be nice... I will wear a red velvet dress, one that will show off vast fortunes. It shall have small straps that hang off the shoulders, a low neck line, and no back. Hugging to my curves it will flare and spill out around me just past my hips. The front, which shows off quite a bit of cleavage, is lined with pearls and trimmed with gold lace. My shoes will be more like slippers with ribbons that twist up my leg and tie just below the knee. A black velvet hooded cloak with a silver clasp will rest neatly upon my shoulders, and my hair will be neatly done up in a bun; with a few strands of curls hanging down around my face.

(4) I imagined Infinity in my mind, dress and all. Smiling, I opened my eyes and stood up. I was pleased to find I was in the attire I had just given Infinity; I even looked like her. Of course, it wasn?t hard for me to look like her, I?ve been her plenty of times. I started off toward the building. It looked a lot like a large cabin but as I neared I could hear a loud ruckus from inside; I also noticed a sign above the door. "Little Tilly's Inn" read the sign; the letters were painted on in green and had faded and chipped a bit. As I reached for the door it suddenly swung open and a man staggered out. He wore a large drunken smile and plopped down onto his knees in the dirt road before the Inn.

(5) Studying him I wondered if I should bother to help him. The Inn door shut with a slight snap and I looked to it; then to the man. He was wearing fine silver armor with a carving of a large tree on his chest-plate. His hair was cut short though a few bangs hung down in his eyes. His right eye was hazel while his left was a stormy grey. A scar could be seen across his face, starting from the middle of his right brow and running down, just over his nose, and across his left eye.

(6) The man shook his head and ran a hand through his dark brown hair. He seemed rough and tumble but continued to smile; even as his slight drunkenness left him. He stood and fixed some loose armor around his legs and checked the sword in its sheath at his side. Finally looking to me his smile grew wider and he once more ran a hand through his hair. I myself couldn't help but grin, for I knew this man. He was strong, powerful, rich, and had the kindest heart I?d ever known; his name was Desamus. Desamus Truth. "It has been a long time since last we met," he said with a slight bow of his head.

(7) "Indeed, it has been," I answered taking a step toward him.

(8.) "Where did you go?" he asked, looking me over, and stepping up to me.

(9) Letting out a small sigh I replied, "Everywhere."

(10) Half nodding Desamus' smile disappeared, "Everywhere... You were gone longer this time, much longer than I have become accustomed to."

(11) "I'm sorry, but you know it is a curse I have, to never wake in the same place... It hurts me more than you can know. Though there have been times when I've been able to or lucky enough to stay in the same place..." He seemed saddened by the lapse of time there was between our last meeting, and poked at the ground with the toe of his boot. "Have I distressed you?" I asked.

(12) Giving a half smile Desamus replied, "When have you ever distressed me?" There was a coldness to his tone, but his eyes shone with a great aspiration. Desamus suddenly moved to me, wrapping his arms tightly around me and burying his face against my neck and shoulders. "I've missed you. I've missed you so much," he whispered softly.

(13) My eyes grew wide with the sudden embrace but I slowly relaxed against him, putting my arms around him. He was mine, and I was his, as it should be, as it always would be, even if I couldn't forever spend my time with him. Desamus stepped back from me, his hands resting lightly on my shoulders. "Shall we go inside?" he asked, smiling and with a slight nod toward the Inn. The coldness was gone from his voice but was now in his eyes.

(14) Nodding slowly I replied, "I think that we shall." He took my arm, hooking it with his, and led me into the tavern. I will be her; immerse myself into her, I will be her, I, Infinity, thought.

~*~

(1) Doctor Craig Jobe meandered to room eight, when in truth, he should have been walking rather fast, perhaps even jogging. Then again, the red light for room eight was always going off for some reason or another. As Craig came to a stop at the door of his destination he simply stared at it, the plated number eight on the door had come loose and fallen on its side. Fixing it, he glanced to the brightly glowing red light to the right of the door. The light buzzed (which Craig found extremely irritating) with energy and could be heard over the faint hum of the florescent lights that hung in rows from the chalk white ceiling.

(2) Every door down the corridor he was currently in had a red light next to it, and they all could and would, at one point or another, turn on and make that same annoying buzz. But only at the right time, the right time..., Craig thought as he reached up and with one finger put the eight back on its side. "Infinity..." he spoke softly. "Endless time..."

(3) The red light began to buzz louder and the hall lights flickered. Craig shot a glare at the light and then entered the room. The door shut quietly and the doctor looked around. The small room was, oddly and yet, neatly cluttered with shelves, book cases, and tables, each filled with books or figurines. The light outside continued to buzz, and Craig could hear it, even as he stood next to the door in the room.

(4) With a sigh he walked to a small hanging cabinet next to the patient's bed. The doors of the cabinet squeaked as he opened them, and Craig let out another sigh as he reached in and flipped a red switch, first up and then down. He walked back to the door and opened it, putting his head out to look at the light. It was no longer lit, and the buzz had gone, leaving the hall deathly quiet.

(5) Moving back into the moderately small room Craig looked to the bed. The patient had rolled onto her side, inhibiting the IV from dripping gradually down into her arm as it was supposed to. He sighed once more and walked over to the bed; pressing one hand to the shoulder of the patient he softly pushed her onto her back. The girl, he wasn't sure of her name, let out a soft sight and moved a bit in her sleep. Craig tilted his head and looked down at her face. She was pale, as all of the people in the hospital were; none of them had seen sunlight in quite some time. Her hair was dark brown, but seemed to have an orange tint to it, which Craig found a bit odd.

(6) With a shake of his head Craig unwrapped and straightened the kinks from the IV around the girl's wrist and set everything back to its right and proper place. He made sure the drip worked properly and watched as a small pea-drop of blue liquid glided down the tube and into the patient's wrist. Her eyelids fluttered for a moment, and Craig noticed the signs of R.E.M. Happy with his work he took the time to strap the girl's arms down to the bed and then made his way to the door. Taking another moment to look back to the patient and then around the room he gave a small sigh and exited.

----

Note: Infinity was a droplet of inspiration in my head about two years ago. As for Desamus he was a character someone used in an RP with me, and I have since used him as a character as well - with permission of course - so if Desamus is truly from somewhere else then I guess I will have to change him name... and I think thats all as far as notes go.

I generally like it, but what puzzles me is why you numbered your paragraphs... sweatdrop

*smile* I would be very interested to read more. That was a clever way to squeeze in the description of the character Infinity, but the repetition of the word 'no' in section 2 between each potential name draws away slightly from the tone of the person speaking, I think (Keep in mind I don't know where you intend your story to go, so the 'no''s may or may not be relevent)
It strikes me that perhaps something more like

"Isabel? Lia? Neither seemed quite right. Setina? Infinity? Yes, that was it. Infinity was my name again...I'm quite fond of that name..."

and then continue on as you did originally.

You're whole hospital scene reminds me of a character I RP with (that character is also my avitar, coincidentally).