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tomoya_542002

PostPosted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 8:57 pm


Required writing for Creative Writing. My teacher read us a news article about a guy with XDR-TB and how he had to be isolated in a hospital, and then had us write a short story based on it. I'm not to fond of this one, I wrote it in about fifteen minutes and didn't really bother to proof-read, but Jill said it was good and wants to put it in the Lit mag. I want to hear what other people think, though, first.

XDR


run.

That was the only thought that passed through Katherine Stiles’ mind as she sprinted down the darkened streets of New York.

Run.

The loose gravel beneath her feet, wet with thin streams of hour-old rain, made her already unsure footing falter, and down she crashed. Pain erupted in her knees as she hit the ground, ripping her jeans against the asphalt. Her sore legs were trembling with exhaustion.

RUN.

Somewhere behind her, Katherine knew they were following, chasing her down like a scared mouse; she could hear their sirens growing steadily louder. With a weak moan, the small girl forced herself to stand, and once again began to move.

RUN.

About ten yards away was the faint outline of an open door, barely visible in the moonlight. Katherine knew that if she could make it there, she’d be safe. She had to reach the door, needed to. It was her only chance.

RUN!!!

The wail of the sirens gaining on her leant wings to Katherine’s sore limbs, and with a final burst of speed, she dashed into the door, slamming it closed behind her.

safe.

Panting, the small girl collapsed onto her knees, wired mind barely registering the fact that they were bleeding. She was safe, for now at least. As long as they didn’t see her duck into the building, she was okay.
Katherine shivered before crawling over to the window, carefully peering out of it. Though she couldn’t see them, she knew they were getting
closer; their sirens were louder than before.

hide.

Curling into a tight ball, Katherine scooted over to sit to the right of the window, making sure she could still see out of it if she needed to. The small girl closed her eyes and buried her head in her arms, trying to calm her breathing. Her legs felt like they were on fire.

safe.

Suddenly, the floor beneath her began to shake, broken glass rattling loudly next to her before being drowned out by the siren’s shriek and the crunch of gravel beneath their source.

Hide.

Katherine’s eyes flew open and her head shot up. They were here. Blue eyes flew towards the window in time to see the slow progression of tanks. Now that they were closer, she could hear what the soldiers, all dressed in protective Bio-Hazard suits, were shouting.

“Katherine Stiles, come out with your hands up. You are sentenced to isolation within the Quarantine Camps. Resistance is futile and may result in accidental death.”

It was pure luck that the soldiers in charge of her capture where too lazy to search the buildings. Inching forward like snails, the tanks moved onward passed her hideout.

safe?

Katherine waited quietly until she couldn’t hear them anymore, mentally counting her heartbeats as she sat. At fifty-seven they were finally gone.

Safe.

With shaky fingers, the small girl reached into the pocket of her worn windbreaker, pulling out a small orange bottle of pills. Breathing out a sigh of relief, she soon found herself in a coughing fit.

Pills.

Choking, she tried to open the bottle, but her trembling digits slipped, causing the pills to spill out onto the floor.

NO!

Katherine dove upon her fallen pills, scrambling to collect them all. Satisfied that she had found every last one, she selected two and popped them into her mouth, carefully placing the rest back into the bottle.

Pills.

Holding back coughs, she began to roll her tongue across the pills in her mouth, enjoying the feeling of anticipation before finally swallowing them.

pills.

Smiling weakly, Katherine stood and began to wander around the house she had taken refuge in. The loose floorboards made a pleasant squeaking sound beneath her feet, allowing her to ignore the pain in her legs.

house?

Wandering down the first hall she came to, the small girl found an open bedroom door. The room behind the door was bare, containing only moldy wallpaper and a mildewed rug, but the door was a marvel. It was brown and wooden, with brass knobs that were cool beneath her fingers, such a change from the white metal doors that had locked her in her room at the hospital. Katherine grinned and reached down into her bottle, feeling around for the perfect pill and popping it into her mouth.

pills.

She held the pill between her teeth, licking it as she walked over to the next door. This door was much like the first, but the room inside was different. This room contained a bathtub and sink.

bathroom.

The word came to Katherine from deep within her mind. She swallowed her pill before shaking out three more, shoveling them into her mouth and gulping them down at once. Above the sink was a dirty old mirror, cracked and missing pieces, like a puzzle. Katherine stumbled over to it; she had not seen herself in almost a year.

Reflection.

Using the sleeve of her windbreaker, the small girl tried to clean the broken mirror, managing to clear off a small portion of the filth. She peered into it and gasped.

Me?

Staring back at her was the distorted image of an ashen-faced young girl who looked on the verge of anorexia. Blond hair hung limply about her shoulders, clumped together with dirt, and her blue eyes held signs jaundice…this was not her.

No!

Katherine remembered the way she looked last year, when she was eleven, and this was not it. No, Katherine Stiles had lush blond hair and beautiful blue eyes, and while she may have been thin, she was fit and healthy. This couldn’t be her.

NO!

Frustrated with the mirror’s lies, the small girl began to slam her orange bottle against the glass, pills flying out as she did so.

NO!

Harder and harder she rammed her bottle into the glass until finally she heard it snap and break. Her image shattered as the remaining glass in the mirror fell to into the sink, clattering loudly as they rained down.

pills.

Trembling once more, Katherine stuck her finger into the pill bottle, eyes widening in shock when she found it empty.

Pills.

Katherine spun around and fell to the floor, feeling about for her missing pills and popping them into her mouth as soon as she found them.

pills.

As she fit the last one into her mouth, she heard the front door break open.

Them?!

The small girl shivered and forced herself to stand. A soft mechanical whine reached her ears, causing her to freeze.

HUNTERS!

Stumbling backwards, Katherine tripped and fell into the tub, hitting her head sharply against the cool tile behind it. Bleary eyes gazed upwards towards the door, where the Hunter stood. It looked human enough until an infrared beam shot forth from its eyes and scanned the room as the Hunter “looked” for the girl, its metal fingers twitching slightly.

HIDE!

Katherine struggled to move, but couldn’t, and soon the Hunter spotted her.

“Katherine Stiles, XDR-TB positive, detain and escort to Quarantine Camps,” came the Hunter’s emotionless voice. It moved forward and grabbed the paralyzed girl, metal limbs giving a soft mechanical whine as it moved.

No!

Katherine tried to move, tried to scream, but it was useless. The strong metal arms held her in place as the Hunter lifted one hand and placed its fingers against her jugular. A needle shot out, and the small girl found herself being pulled into unconsciousness.

no……

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


Katherine awoke hours later on a hard bed; her tired blue eyes struggled to open as she forced herself to sit up. She scanned the room, finding herself surrounded by white walls. She was back in the hospital. A soft moan escaped her lips, and she felt as though she would cry. She had been close, so close to freedom she could almost touch it, only to have it snatched away. She was back in the hospital, and in a few minutes she would be in the Quarantine Camps.

dead.

A small sound, someone clearing their throat, made Katherine jump from the bed. She glanced around the room again, this time her eyes coming to rest on a tall Asian man with wavy brown hair standing in the corner to the right of the door. “Hello Katherine,” he said pleasantly, “I’m Doctor Hiwatari.”

DOCTOR?!

Katherine glared at the man, scrambling backwards towards the wall as she did so. He was a doctor; surely he would try and lock her up for the trip.

“It’s okay,” Dr. Hiwatari cooed as he slowly approached the small girl. “I’m here to help you.

help?

Katherine cocked her head to the side and looked up at the man in front of her. He had a jolly look, like a tall Santa but without the beard, and seemed nice enough. Plus he hadn’t tried to chain her yet. The small girl nodded to herself, deciding she could trust him.

Dr. Hiwatari seemed to relax before reaching forward and taking Katherine’s right arm. The small girl flinched, but didn’t pull away. “I’ve done some research on euthanasia… do you know what that is?” the doctor asked.

Katherine shook her head.

“It’s a drug that lets people die.”

Death?!

The small girl’s eyes widened and she tried to pull her arm away, but Dr. Hiwatari only tightened his grip. “Don’t worry, it’s completely painless,” he assured, pushing the sleeve of Katherine’s windbreaker back.
Katherine shook her head again as she began to cry, pulling harder against the doctor’s tight grip on her arm as she hit the man’s arm with her left hand.

Dr. Hiwatari ignored the strikes, focusing instead on trying to calm to young girl. “It’s freedom from the Quarantine Camps…” he whispered soothingly.

freedom?

Katherine stopped struggling. She opened her mouth to speak, resulting in a small, raspy croak.

“Should I give you some?” Dr. Hiwatari asked as he pulled out a syringe from the pocket of his lab coat. Katherine nodded and wiped the tears from her eyes. Dr. Hiwatari drove the thin needle into her vein, pushing the clear liquid into her blood.

Katherine felt her eyelids begin to droop and her vision fade. She rocked forward and the doctor hurried to catch her, lifting her small frame into his arms. He carefully carried her back to her bed.

“You’ll be gone in a few seconds,” he whispered before heading to the door.

Katherine heard Dr. Hiwatari leave the room and sighed. Smiling softly, the small girl began to hum her favorite lullaby as the darkness overtook her.

Free…
PostPosted: Sun May 20, 2007 5:28 pm


*sniff* aww, poor XDR, nobody's reading you... I need gold, so I'll give myself a comment, to make me feel loved, ya know?

Well XDR, Amber said she liked you, and so did Jill. Feel loved, story, for you made it into the Lit. Mag! Hope is not lost!

tomoya_542002


Korokiri

PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 3:11 pm


I'm glad this made it into your lit. magazine. I like the style of the thought word and then the description, and I love the idea behind this.

However, I think it might have carried on a bit too long. Maybe there were some of the sections you could have meshed together, rather than kept separate. But while we're being honest that's probably more personal preference than anything. razz
PostPosted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 3:59 pm


I really liked this story- the repetition used really caused a sense of urgency that kept reappearing and kept everything tied together. The ending, though sad, was very well done and convincing, at least to me. Minus a few places where the beginning of the sentence was not capitalized just about everything seemed grammatically correct.

I, however, have to agree with Korokiri that the story seemed a little long, but I think that is because at times I thought you created a one word paragraph unnecessarily when the two sections could have been combined into one. A few of the one sentence paragraphs almost seemed forced, but that might have just been my opinion. Overall, I really liked the story and thought it was really well done! Good job! Congrats on getting it into a lit. magazine!

Cereah
Crew


Anjeka

PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 3:00 pm


Wow.. Thats the first thing that comes to mind when I read this. Its really great! Its not often that I've seen a story with a sort of sad/happy ending. Sad, because of course she died, but happy because she was freed. I really like it! It deserved to make it into the magazine!
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