Welcome to Gaia! ::

Rick Maru - Hold up, let the story unfold, here... Jeez, so I'm sittin' around in this mall mindin' my own business, right? See?

[Ricky Maru walks over to a nice bench and sits down in the middle of the mall watching people pass by]

Ricky Maru - Y'know how sometimes you're watchin' people pass by, when suddenly... You see the hottest b***h in the world walk by with that perfect a** and nicely shaped- Well, just watch.

[Ricky Maru sits there for a moment, when suddenly, a super hot white chick with brunette hair strolls by. Ricky Maru's jaw drops as her breasts bounce by, almost in slow motion, within her sexy outfit, and her a** seems to dance before him as she departs. Out of nowhere- ]

Random Redneck - Aye youuu! Dat's my girlfriend dat yer lookin' at der. You want trouble, boy, huh?

Ricky Maru - Huh, excuse me, wha-

Redneck - Huh?!

Ricky Maru - ... It'd be nice if you didn't spit and let me finish my sentence, sir. Now please, excuse me for looking at your girlfriend, but if that really was your girlfriend, wouldn't she be waiting for you right now and not just walking off as if she doesn't even know you?

Redneck - Dat ain't none o' yer goddamn business, boy. Now, if you don't want to git yer a** whooped upside yer head, you'd best be on yer way.

Ricky Maru - ... ninja ... Excuse me, but are you asking me to leave a public mall? Are you a security guard?

Redneck - Dat der ain't nun o' yer goddamn business, boy! [puts his hand in his jeans pocket and begins to move his hand around in a funny way]

Ricky Maru - O_o ... What the-... Dude, what the ******** are you doin'? Get your hands ou-

Redneck - DAT AIN'T NUN O' YER GODDAMN BUSINESS, BOY! NOW, GIT!

Ricky Maru - O__o ...

Redneck - mad

Ricky Maru - O__o ... [Takes a step back from fear of experiencing a sudden c** shot from this guy]

[Suddenly a Caucasion male approaches them]

White male - Excuse me, sirs, what exactly is happening here? You need to calm down sir. [places a hand on Ricky's shoulder only to get it slapped off] Okay... You need to calm down too, sir [places a hand on the redneck's shoulder]

Redneck - mad ... [continues beating off... supposedly]

White male - Oh my God.... eek

Random white lady - Oh my God... What the hell is going on? Are you guys having a threesome in public?

[Suddenly, many people have stopped to stare and speak]

Arab man - What are you doing here, sir?

White guy - Dude, what're you doin'?

Black man - What the ******** - mad ... [still beating off]

[The initial white male begins to speak]

White male - Okay, sir, my name is Stan Gilbertstien, and... I can help you. I just want to know, why are you so angry, and why are you... doing that? [points to the redneck's moving hand]

Redneck - stressed .... [still beating off]

Stan - Look, I can help. Just trust me. Look - [Stan places both hands on the redneck's shoulders]

Redneck - eek

Stan - o_O... You okay?

Ricky Maru - ... ninja ...

Arab man - confused I am very lost

Redneck - GIT YER HANS OFFA ME! scream [Headbutts Stan]

Stan - AH! My eye! My EYE! gonk

[Suddenly, a huge fight breaks out, but Ricky Maru had long ducked out and left]

Ricky Maru - [shakes his head] See... I think I learned a very important lesson that day. God really meant it when he said not to lust over your neighbor's wife. [turns his head to see woman dancing on pole] That's why the industrial age has done it all and invented strippers... [continues watching] 3nodding Oh, you go, girl. Bounce that a** for me... yeah [pulls out money] Let's head back to my place. I've got the comfiest king sized you could ever imagine. Trust me wink

((Not really, but there was no point to this vig./promo. Now if you were boasting about whoopin' on someone's a**...maybe it would have made sense. 3nodding ))

((Might want to add something like 'ALL THIS AND MORE AT THE NEXT STRAIGHT STEREO!

This week's guest: Battler!))

Roxxor. 3nodding