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 Posted: Tue May 01, 2007 1:21 pm
5/1/07
Mood: Thinking.. I'm in my thinking state.
Song: Go Quietly - Terra Naomi
Well. Today @ 1, my neighbor died of a brain vessel exploding.
I can tell you I'm not too satisfied with this. And I don't want to talk anymore about it so..
I hate the way that nobody cares. I think its kind of ironic, how one day we're here and nobody notices, and the next day you get murdered or die or something, and suddenly everyone wishes they could have done things over. I don't want to have regret like that. That'd be soo much for me to handle. Haha. Like Zac for instance. I miss him a lot. And now, he has a girlfriend who he loves very much. Good, great! I encourage happiness. I just wonder where I can find it. Because its certainly not where I'm at, and I haven't even met it halfway. I don't know what to do. It's truly causing me too much stress. Thinking about these things, yes. Like if anybody wants me, or not. If they lie about thinking I'm cool or not.
It'll never be enough, I suppose. Until I realize that I took it all for granted.
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Posted: Tue May 01, 2007 7:21 pm
It's not that nobody cares, it's that when people are content no deep thinking actions feel necessary. I'm really sorry to hear about your day but maybe I can be of some help.
Regret is a confusion emotion that is almost impossible for me to feel. If a situation happens in your life that you wish you never did then the only thing you can do is move on from it and use it as a learning experience. Happiness is what I believe we all seek except for a few that are not mentally stable if you know what i mean. But you are young, and life is easy for you that's why the easy things are so hard. You've yet to be in the situations where your soul and mind expand, honestly. In due time if you're still like this you will probably look back at yourself now and regret not appreciating how things are. Take your life a day at a time and appreciate the fresh air you can breathe, the peers around you and let what happens happens. Like I said you're still young and still building the foundation of who you will become so really focus more on who you are as a person than other people and how they haven't spiritually developed yet.
You will learn who you are when the time is right, and your problems are just situations waiting to be dealt with. Get past the dwelling and to the "So what do I do about it" stage wink
So be a kid. Have fun, be laid back, goof off and be naive while you can. What is meant for you in life is ahead of you so start building yourself up so you can handle it smile
Tomorrow is a new day, and there will be another after that.
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Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 8:45 am
5/4/07
Mood: Content
Song: Uh. TV? xD
So I woke up today, DYING. Just DYING of a sore-ish throat. It was kinda scruffy. Besides the point. I'm sore too, from playing too much basketball, too much golf. The days are getting nicer, so I'm getting out a lot more which I'm proud of. Anyhow, I got mom to let me stay home from school because I felt so shitty and stuff. I went back to sleep and dreampt that I was hacked on here. o_o The only thing I can remember. Heh.
Then I woke up, and Mom had left. To go where- I had no clue at the time, but to get her haircut. Hm. Watched TV for a bit, rested, ate. You know. She got home, with medicine. MINT medicine. I wanted to smack her D: I hateeeee mint. Mm but I took it anyways cause shes already displeased with me.
BUT with my neighbor dying, I suppose I have to go to the funeral;; I don't know if she'll let me go because of how I FELT, because now I feel superb. Ah. Well I guess I will find out. I never really liked funerals, ever, but I feel as if I should do this just for him.
:] I acknowledged your post, Seth.
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Posted: Tue May 08, 2007 9:11 am
You hate mint too? I like mint chocolate but mint is just not a favorite of mine.
Lol@TiredFromTooMuchGolf
It's nice you have been getting out more, I have been as well, though I'm back at my moms for today so I'm kind of hiding out in my room.
I think you should show respects and go to the funeral, and let it be a reminder of how much you should appreciate life! heart
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Posted: Tue May 08, 2007 3:59 pm
I've never been to a funeral so I really can't tell you how it might make you feel or whether it might bring closer. However, I do know that I regret not going to my grandfathers funeral. (I don't neighbor and grandfather is different but still, closer is closer.)
I also hope that you are feeling 100% better now.
And how can you not like mint? It is delicious!
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Posted: Tue May 08, 2007 4:42 pm
DEAD BABY IN A CLOWN SUIT!!!!!
Oh wait.. Erm.. I didn't mean that. Need to be respectful.
Sucks when people die. But you can't just be incapacitated by it.
-Coughs-
WHY DO YOU HATE MINT?!
-Goes and rapes mint gum-
Get completely betters soon. ;o
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Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 8:41 pm
5/10/07
Mood: Upset
Song: If we're all alone, aren't we in this together? - October Falls
Its funny how fast my emotions can change.
How can I let these people get to me?
What they say shouldn't matter, but they put the spotlight on me and make me completely loook like a fool.
Everyone seems to be turning on me, and I feel kind of selfish to feel this way but I need to tend to myself once in a while.
But hell, what do I even know? Nothing.
I'm nothing.
Nothing.
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Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 10:08 pm
First off, your not nothing. Your Coasty. And those are pretty big shoes to fill so I doubt anything that was nothing could do that.
Secondly, I don't know what happened but I understand what you are feeling. And if you feel like you need to give yourself some attention, then you probably do, so its not selfish. And if someone"puts a spotlight on you", though it may be hard, use it as an opportunity to shine. If you already missed your chance, take it in stride. Besides, you probably look more foolish in your eyes then anyone else's. I think the saying goes something like "You are your toughest critic." I'm not sure if this all made any sense or even if it did, if it was applicable to you, but just know that whatever happened is just a sour moment in time but don't worry, plenty of sweet ones are on the way. xp
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Posted: Fri May 11, 2007 12:28 pm
Hmmm well I'm not sure exactly what happened but your reaction to whatever it is seems pretty normal for people our age. Human behaviour is an interesting topic and I think one has to really search themself before they can answer the 'why' question for other people. The feelings you have right now are most likely feelings you have caused someone else to feel, heck, probably without even knowing. We're kids we're growing, learning. Life is easy for us right now and our concern in most cases are ourselves. I doubt that everyone is turning against you but rather it feels that way because you're at an 'I don't understand' state.
But whatever happened has happened. I suggest stepping away from focusing on 'why?' and start thinking "Alright, So what do I do about it now?"
If you really feel like you need to stress on the 'why' of the behaviour of your peers ask yourself some of the same questions, but don't look for pure logic because clearly some of your emotions right now are acting against logic themeselves.
My advice is lighten up, have an AMP drink. Gossip with kate or whatever you do. Enjoy life while it's so easy and things like this are your biggest concerns cause you'll regret not appreciating things (assuming you don't) in due time.
heart
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