Welcome to Gaia! ::

Also before this one forgets. I had a mental break down last night because i really miss my best best best friend. crying I left her in south carolina. OK it was more of an actually like almost obsession crush. But i had good reason. We had sleep overs all the time. I was sexually attracted to her and we shared the same bed ever time I slept over, which was alot. gonk One morning we had an almost sexually experience. the most I have gotten out of any person before. We didn't make out or anything but her hand either accidently or "accidently" went up the back of my shirt. oh boy....*reliving the moment* we were so close..oh OKAY that's enough you need to know. We never did that again..baiscally cause she got herself a b/f stressed . okay bye for now

Wow so long since I've been here. I really don't know what i want out of life. This one doesn't want to reject anyone but also doesn't want to be rejected either. I do want a date to the queer ball that is coming up so badly it hurts. Being alone really hurts but so far I don't know what to do about it. When I see my friends with their dates or partners it creates this feeling inside of me. Like remorse or depression, maybe even leaning toward jealousy. Which is wrong, this one should be happy for my friends. I don't kow what to do anymore. This feeling is growing so fast it feels like I'll explode if I don't get some help.

Well it seems that my suspicions were true. Kelly is going to be staying single so yet again...I can't really choose the right people can I? So i decided that I'm going to go out with my friend Evelyn. I don't know when she started having a crush on me pbut for atleast the past two weeks I've noticed that she actually likes me. I'll do everything I can to make her happy. I'll help her out with her transition to female has much as I can. It's the least I can do with myself. I have to make a goal in life. Tieing myself down with just becoming a photography isn't working. I need more things to live for.

Strange but true

I have been thinking lately. About my past and my future, since I started the process of leaving my parents and going to live with my G/F. And at one point I had to thank Watsuki-san for creating the Rurouni Kenshin series. When I was younger, I did something terrible, beyond what I thought was unforgivable. Something I regreted for the rest of my life and am still regreting to this day. I used to hate, loathe, myself for what I had done. I used to think of myself as a terrible human being and that sometimes it would just be better if I wasn't in this world and that becasue I made other people miserable I didn't deserve to be happy.

Then Watsuki-san made Rurouni Kenshin. Himura kenshin, the merciless hitikori when he was younger, had done so many more terrible things that probably would never be forgiven. But he lived, survived and lived the rest of his life repenting. Kenshin basically thought the same thing about himself that I did myslef but in the end he found Happiness with the women he loved. He didn't give up onto life or suffer torment for what he had done. After the series was over, I finally began to realize that people forgive, but you have to forgive yourself as well. If Kenshin, the ex-hitokiri, could be happy then so could I. So from this day on....I will be doing the same thing Kenshin did. I will repent for all the wrong doings I have done to people and make the one person I love happy to the best of my abilites. That is my one truth and I am going to stick to it.

Yeah...I know that sounds realle ceesy...what I just said. But anyone can realize what an effect that story had for me. Other's have had inspiration in the works of Science, art, religion and music. Mine just came in the form of comics. So I would really like to thank Nobuhiro Watsuki from the bottom of my heart for making the character Himura Kenshin.