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 Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 4:26 pm
Mkay, two part question.
First question is, what is everyone's view on friends with benifits? I ask because my best friend and I recently got into a situation where we're basically friends with benifits. We did set some guidelines and no sex was definetly one of them. It's really not that big a deal, we're just kind of make-out buddies and if anything it's actually helped our relationship. We've had a very stressed and broken relationship but our communication has actually gotten a lot better. But, I'm just curious as to what the rest of your views on this subject is.
The other question is, I know we all agree no sex before marriage, but I'm also curious as to how far you guys find acceptable. I've seen a wide range of what people find "too far" as far as physical relations go so I was wondering, where do you guys draw the line?
I just kinda wanted a Christian perspective on the subjects... since I haven't seen any of those as of yet.
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Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 5:30 pm
As long as I have studied Christianity, I've read nothing besides the no intercourse before marriage rule. You also might consider that different denominations may have different standings on "how far is too far". Just like some churches accept homosexuality and others do not. Some churches I imagine could be quite liberal and allow everything except sex. My exes' (all of them o.o) church on the other hand, made all pre-teens take a purity pledge. Basically meaning that they made a promise to God not to go farther than fooling around upstairs.
(Do note that none of them seem to have kept that pledge. I've been involved romantically with a few of the people from that church. The minister positively loathes my existence and I'm a popular prayer subject sweatdrop ).
Ahem.
Yes. Well the point is, I believe that there is no fixed limit other than the obvious one of not going all the way. Perhaps you should ask the head of your church? Or someone here that is part of your particular denomination.
EDIT: As to my personal stance on friends with benefits? They're just fine as long as they don't get complicated. Mine ...have always gotten complex and gone down the drain.
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Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 7:15 pm
omnimodus As long as I have studied Christianity, I've read nothing besides the no intercourse before marriage rule. You also might consider that different denominations may have different standings on "how far is too far". Just like some churches accept homosexuality and others do not. Some churches I imagine could be quite liberal and allow everything except sex. My exes' (all of them o.o) church on the other hand, made all pre-teens take a purity pledge. Basically meaning that they made a promise to God not to go farther than fooling around upstairs. (Do note that none of them seem to have kept that pledge. I've been involved romantically with a few of the people from that church. The minister positively loathes my existence and I'm a popular prayer subject sweatdrop ). Ahem. Yes. Well the point is, I believe that there is no fixed limit other than the obvious one of not going all the way. Perhaps you should ask the head of your church? Or someone here that is part of your particular denomination. EDIT: As to my personal stance on friends with benefits? They're just fine as long as they don't get complicated. Mine ...have always gotten complex and gone down the drain. I've done a lot of studying on the Bible as well, and there really isn't anything besides premarital sex- not explicitly anyway. There's also a lot of verses that mention your body is a temple and it should be treated as such. I think a lot of how far you can go depends on you and your personal limits. We've had about a zillion talks on it at my church, it was a favorite Sunday School topic this year. My church makes it seem like it's a personal choice but the encourage modesty and so on. I'm curious as to where others draw the line, but I do agree with you on a lot of what you've said.
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Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 8:13 pm
The friends with benefits thing .... hmm. Forgive me for saying that I find the concept of such a thing bad, all around. It's wrong, and exploitative. You're using your friendship as an excuse to make the things you're doing okay. I think once you've crossed the line into "friends with benefits" you may as well be dating them, because if you're that close, you may as well call yourselves best friends and if you're best friends and doing those things, you're pretty much dating. Not to mention, whenever you did decide to date someone, your relationship as you know it with your "friend with benefits" would be over. You could still be friends, sure, but it would be impossible to undo all the things you'd done together.
I just think it's wrong. "You're my friend, so it's safe to do these things with you." Technically, kissing, heavy petting, fooling around, what have you- those are all things that should be reserved for a serious, committed relationship.
Which leads me to my answer to your second question. If it's foreplay, don't do it. Foreplay is anything that could lead to sex- even kissing could be considered foreplay. I think that's why alot of hardcored pastors and such recommend saving your first kiss for the alter (though I'm not personally of that persuasion). But definitely you shouldn't be putting your hands anywhere below your partner's shoulders, and the same rule applies to your mouth. Even discussions about sex are pushing it. It may seem harsh, but hand-holding and kissing are probably you're safest bets. Anything else would be pushing it.
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High-functioning Businesswoman
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Posted: Sat May 05, 2007 8:07 am
Fushigi na Butterfly The friends with benefits thing .... hmm. Forgive me for saying that I find the concept of such a thing bad, all around. It's wrong, and exploitative. You're using your friendship as an excuse to make the things you're doing okay. I think once you've crossed the line into "friends with benefits" you may as well be dating them, because if you're that close, you may as well call yourselves best friends and if you're best friends and doing those things, you're pretty much dating. Not to mention, whenever you did decide to date someone, your relationship as you know it with your "friend with benefits" would be over. You could still be friends, sure, but it would be impossible to undo all the things you'd done together.
I just think it's wrong. "You're my friend, so it's safe to do these things with you." Technically, kissing, heavy petting, fooling around, what have you- those are all things that should be reserved for a serious, committed relationship.
Which leads me to my answer to your second question. If it's foreplay, don't do it. Foreplay is anything that could lead to sex- even kissing could be considered foreplay. I think that's why alot of hardcored pastors and such recommend saving your first kiss for the alter (though I'm not personally of that persuasion). But definitely you shouldn't be putting your hands anywhere below your partner's shoulders, and the same rule applies to your mouth. Even discussions about sex are pushing it. It may seem harsh, but hand-holding and kissing are probably you're safest bets. Anything else would be pushing it. Admittedly, I wasn't much for friends with benifits until we kind of accidentally stumbled into it. So I guess that attributes to what a hypocrite I am, but well, aren't we all? Neither of us have any propspects for another relationship and we've leaving for college in four months which will probably end it. And it's actually improved out relationship. But now it sounds like I'm making excuses, so I'll stop. I've heard about people saving their kisses for marriage and to me, that seems kind of excessive, but to each their own. I totally respect where others draw their limits and that's honorable to want to do that. I think discussing sex with your significant other is important though, but mostly so you know where you guys stand on it. You need to know how far both of you are comfortable with or else problems can arise. I do agree with you for the most part though.
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Posted: Sun May 06, 2007 9:52 am
Ah, friends with benefits. Honestly, this arrangement usually only benefits ONE person. While there's always the agreement at the start that it's no strings attached, somewhere along the line someone always starts to add the strings... without the other person's knowledge. So when a new romance comes into the picture, one side is hurt and jealous and the other is standing there confused because the agreement was no strings.
Other than that, my personal opinion is that you might as well call yourselves a couple, since couples are essentially friends that hold hands and cuddle and kiss. You'll also take each other more seriously because then this is a relationship, not just that thing you do on weekends when you're bored. Take each other more seriously, you'll listen more and avoid hurt feelings all around if the time comes that you guys think this isn't working any more.
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High-functioning Businesswoman
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Posted: Sun May 06, 2007 7:24 pm
thelovelyLIZ Fushigi na Butterfly The friends with benefits thing .... hmm. Forgive me for saying that I find the concept of such a thing bad, all around. It's wrong, and exploitative. You're using your friendship as an excuse to make the things you're doing okay. I think once you've crossed the line into "friends with benefits" you may as well be dating them, because if you're that close, you may as well call yourselves best friends and if you're best friends and doing those things, you're pretty much dating. Not to mention, whenever you did decide to date someone, your relationship as you know it with your "friend with benefits" would be over. You could still be friends, sure, but it would be impossible to undo all the things you'd done together.
I just think it's wrong. "You're my friend, so it's safe to do these things with you." Technically, kissing, heavy petting, fooling around, what have you- those are all things that should be reserved for a serious, committed relationship.
Which leads me to my answer to your second question. If it's foreplay, don't do it. Foreplay is anything that could lead to sex- even kissing could be considered foreplay. I think that's why alot of hardcored pastors and such recommend saving your first kiss for the alter (though I'm not personally of that persuasion). But definitely you shouldn't be putting your hands anywhere below your partner's shoulders, and the same rule applies to your mouth. Even discussions about sex are pushing it. It may seem harsh, but hand-holding and kissing are probably you're safest bets. Anything else would be pushing it. Admittedly, I wasn't much for friends with benifits until we kind of accidentally stumbled into it. So I guess that attributes to what a hypocrite I am, but well, aren't we all? Neither of us have any propspects for another relationship and we've leaving for college in four months which will probably end it. And it's actually improved out relationship. But now it sounds like I'm making excuses, so I'll stop. I've heard about people saving their kisses for marriage and to me, that seems kind of excessive, but to each their own. I totally respect where others draw their limits and that's honorable to want to do that. I think discussing sex with your significant other is important though, but mostly so you know where you guys stand on it. You need to know how far both of you are comfortable with or else problems can arise. I do agree with you for the most part though.
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2007 5:34 pm
Ah, okay yes. I do agree those kinds of talks are kinda... ehhh. Pushing it.
I just sat down and wrote myself out a long business like letter to God, about several things, this topic included.
So we're all good biggrin
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2007 7:38 pm
Anything goes, so long as everyone is an adult, understands the situation, and consents to it.
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 4:37 pm
Lethkhar Anything goes, so long as everyone is an adult, understands the situation, and consents to it. Nu-uh. The bible, I forget the verse, I am sorry, states that when you have sex to a person, you are married to them!!!
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Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 6:27 pm
Paranormal Zombiiie Lethkhar Anything goes, so long as everyone is an adult, understands the situation, and consents to it. Nu-uh. The bible, I forget the verse, I am sorry, states that when you have sex to a person, you are married to them!!! I know it does. In fact, it's one of the Ten Commandments.
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Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 9:19 am
Holy mother of tacos, this thread is old xD
Needless to say, it's no longer and issue. Y'all are free to discuss more though, if you'd like.
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Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 9:25 am
freelance lover Holy mother of tacos, this thread is old xD
Needless to say, it's no longer and issue. Y'all are free to discuss more though, if you'd like. Its actually a very good topic, that needs to be discussed. More young-ins are doing the naughty these days, and we need to remind them (Nicely, not pushing it) that sex is for marriage.
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Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 9:31 am
Yeah, and this whole friends with benifits things ended creating like... a year's worth of drama for me xD It was a little crazy.
BUT now I'm in a relationship with a wonderful guy so none of it matters! Wheeee!
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Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 9:42 am
freelance lover Yeah, and this whole friends with benifits things ended creating like... a year's worth of drama for me xD It was a little crazy.
BUT now I'm in a relationship with a wonderful guy so none of it matters! Wheeee! That is sad, about the whole year of drama! But, gratz on the cool guy.
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