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I rarely title my stories... im not sure why... probaly because i can never think of any that suit them...perhaps because i have some unknown a**l retentive anti-title thing... im not sure... either way, feedback, yes?


As the light crept over the rooftop, the man looked up from his pipe to a strange noise coming from above. When nothing was too be seen, he put down his carving and strained to stand. As his eyes nervously darted around the landscape surrounding him, he ran his fingers through his tousled red curls and stuffed his tobacco into his pocket. He stepped into the house, only lingering long enough to unhook his hat from the wall and close the door without bothering to lock it.
Making his way down the path from his porch, he whistled a little tune that he remembered from his days back in the Old Country, days he could hardly remember. Cat-like reflexes struck him again as he heard the noise again, like a heavenly shriek, a banshee in the sky. Hiding in the bushes, where he had darted as quick as lightning, he regained control of his nerves and cautiously crept out, continuing his stroll.
As he passed the crystal pool, sparkling with beads of the sun which by this time had peaked near the middle of the sky. He glanced downwards and caught sight of a splash made by an orange and violet angelfish in the corner of his eye. If he hadn’t realized how exotic the fish were, he did now. Bending over, he dragged his fingers along the surface and laughed along with the sound of the waterfall that trickled beautifully a few feet away.
This time he was ready when he heard the sound, he looked up quickly to see the rather large eyes of a rather gigantic little girl, peaking down from two ropes hanging on each side of her face. She laughed again as the darkness washed over the landscape, as she put the lid back on the cardboard box.

eek

xp *confuzzled

I love the description going on in this piece. But let's hope you can keep it as strong as it is throughout the piece if you decided to continue and finish it.

Because it's so short your "hooker" (as in pulling the reader in) is a little confusing. Unless you mean it to be like that but I'm sure you don't want perplexed readers.

I can kinda picture what's going on in the end stages but punctuation needs a bit of arranging in this bit for it to have a more powerful effect.

Interesting to say the least. 3nodding

It was interesting and a good read, although confusing.

Maybe make it a little longer and explain more?