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Promises- a short story

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junoi
Crew

PostPosted: Sat May 05, 2007 10:33 pm


She sat in the deserted classroom, procrastinating cleaning up. The broom laid still on the ground, a small pile of dust beside it. She yawned, stretching her arms out on the desk in front of her. Her hair sprawled out.

"Found you." She sat up, looking around frantically for the owner of the voice. She turned around, twisting her torso in the seat.

"Oh. You." A mix of emotions set into her face, ranging from disappointment to almost rage- to guilt, even. "What do you mean, found me? I haven't been playing hide-and-seek, you know."

The dark-skinned boy sat in the empty desk beside her. He was just her height, and the same age as her."Yes, you have. We haven't talked in ages. You ignore my messages, block all my calls- I'm worried about you." His face was concerned as he reached towards her.

"We met on Sunday- you can't deny that." She looked at him, avoiding his eye. "We talked." She counted the buttons on his stainless white shirt. Seven.

"No- I saw you. You didn't see me. I talked to you. You ignored me." The boy frowned slightly, creasing his forehead. "Will you talk to me now?"

"We are talking."

"Again- I'm talking. You're just dodging the question."

"Which is?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Why are you avoiding me? Will you have an honest conversation with me?" He reached towards her again. "I just want to take care of you!"

The girl stood up. "I-I'll meet you later. At my house, okay? I- I have to clean up." She bent down to pick up the broom, but found it already in his hands. He gently handed it to her. "I promise."

The boy shrugged. "We can talk now, but you're busy, apparently." He frowned, quiet dissapointment on his face. "Promises are just words on strings- it's what you do with them that matters." He met her eye. "Will you meet me?"

But she turned away, flushing, to avoid his glance. "I told you, I will!" She swept up under a desk. "Just leave me alone right now, okay?"

"As long as you meet me. That will make me happy." His voice grew softer, fading into a wisp. She turned towards him suddenly, but he was gone. The classroom was empty- again.

The End.
PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 9:41 am


Thats kind of creepy

wtfmatterwhat
Crew


Momokie

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 10:17 am


I liked it blaugh
That was a cute and sad short story...
PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 5:06 pm


it is sad!

may i ask if its basied on anything

MidnightNightmare
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junoi
Crew

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 5:15 pm


Thanks a lot, Wills. rolleyes

It is kind of sad, but I thought a couple of you might know what it is. I put some metaphors in there that could help. Kash, it's basically my lack of faith right now. My relationship with God.
PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 5:17 pm


OH Hunny... thats really sad...

MidnightNightmare
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wtfmatterwhat
Crew

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 5:26 pm


I think the guy is creepy, because he is forcing questions on her and he appears and disappears out of nowhere
PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 5:26 pm


I like it. It's one big metaphor of sadness composed into a page.

I noticed you didn't give yourself a name. Why is that?

yoru_no_hoshi


Momokie

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 6:38 pm


junoi
Thanks a lot, Wills. rolleyes

It is kind of sad, but I thought a couple of you might know what it is. I put some metaphors in there that could help. Kash, it's basically my lack of faith right now. My relationship with God.


I thought it was a good way to express that, Junoi.
Don't worry, right now life can be confusing, but soon the peices will come together. It was a good story
PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 7:11 pm


Wimsicleness
I think the guy is creepy, because he is forcing questions on her and he appears and disappears out of nowhere

It seems more like an old friend that's worried about her and presses to know what's happening-he wants to help her. He seems more gentle than creepy, I think.
i think its more of a crush or ex-boyfriend

yoru_no_hoshi


Magroodles

Big Egg

PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 2:33 pm


I think it was kind of cute.

I've been wanting to write something about a crush or something like that for a while now. The only thing is that I suck at coming up with ideas and even worse when it comes to putting things down. Usually I need things to work off of, so ideas out of my own head are hard to come by.... ha...

But I liked it. I love seeing these kinds of posts and thought it was a job well done. Congrats!
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The Lost...

 
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