Welcome to Gaia! ::

I was browsing around, when I came across these one-liners that made me giggle >.<

If I had a nickel for every time someone told me that my idea for melting down coins to make a giant robotic parrot was a bad idea, I would have one kickass giant robotic parrot.

Why do Tic Tacs have to announce that extra half calorie? Do you know anyone that has become hideously obese from eating breath mints?

I bet a lot of mimes choke to death because everyone just thinks it is one of those lame mime routines

I hate people who say "If I had a nickel for every time..."
True, you might be rich, but it would be a pain in the butt to haul around all those nickels.

I love the internet. Where else could a word as short as "ok" be shortened to "k"
just to save a millisecond of time?

Some days I wonder if reality is just a computer-controlled mental image used to lull us into submission by a race of powerful computers that harness our bio-mechanical reactions for power like in The Matrix.
That still doesn't explain the existence of Richard Simmons, though,
so I guess I need a new theory. ((Who the heck is Richard Simmons anyway? *Shrug* That made me giggle anyway))

Sometimes I just sit back and think about how funny the world would be without elbows. (( O.o xd ))

Sometimes I like to cry over spilled milk. Later, after I soak it up with paper towels and put it back in the bowl, my cereal has this wonderful salty taste.

Last week a stranger told me that "the pen is mightier than the sword," so I
challenged him to prove it. I cut him up pretty badly, but he was right:
that permanent ink is tough to get off.

I think it's funny that honey is really just bee vomit. Eat up, kids!

If I ever became a well-known scientist, I think a really funny April Fools joke would be to announce that eating dog feces was really good for you.

Hey, remember that guy who spent 33 years living in a tree to get the
World Record so that he'd always be remembered? Me neither.

I can't believe it is already the year 2000 and the scientists have yet
to create a pair of slippers that makes homemade doughnuts

Isn't it odd the way everyone automatically assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is always soap? I like to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a valuable lesson in trust

People always talk about "letting the cat out of the bag," but I can never seem to find any bagged cats at the mall. I even checked Sears.

I bet that lactose-intolerant mice get picked on a lot

Post any others that you find amusing. =D

Here are some quotes that made me laugh. I hope you do too biggrin

On the other hand, we have different fingers.

I was taking my little nephew to disneyland, but i decided to play a mean trick. i pulled up next to an old, burned down warehouse. "Oh no," i said. "Disneyland burned down." He started crying, and i was about to tell him it was all a joke and drive to the real disneyland, but it was getting kinda late.

If Barbie is so popular, why do we have to buy her friends?

One Christmas, my grandfather gave me a box of broken glass. He gave my brother a box of bandaids. Then he said to us, "Now, you two share."

I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so innocent. But I know that secretly, they're watching my every move and plotting to beat me over the head with a large steel pipe and take my shoe.

Whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger. Not lifting weights doesn't kill me. Therefore not lifting weights makes me stronger.

When I was younger, there was a house on my street that I thought was haunted. At night you'd hear screams coming from all over the house...plus anyone who went in, never came out. Later I found out it was just a murderers house.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

I got these from http://www.bluni.com/famousQuoteArchive.php

"If you can't say anything nice, come sit by me."

"Trying to raise teenagers is like trying to nail jello to a tree."

"We can't all be heros. Somebody has to sit on the sidelines and clap."

"Don't talk about yourself so much. We'll do that when you leave."

"I feel warm and fuzzy inside, then again... I just ate a squirrel."

"A good friend will bail you out of jail. A BEST friend will be sitting in a jail cell with you saying 'Damn we ******** up.' "

"Always forgive you enemies. -- nothing annoys them as much."

"Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them."

"I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone."

"If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark."
--------Michael L.


I got these off various sites and whatnot.

Political correctness is ruining our society. Especially our board games.
"Extremely Malnourished Hippos" just isn't the same.

Confucious say:
"Man who sit on toilet seat too long get ring around a*****e!"