|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2005 9:09 am
This is just some poem that came to mind last night. You know how your laying in your bed at night thinking of the past.... Tell me what you think but don't be too harsh, this is the first poem I've ever written in my life. sweatdrop
=======================================
Talia
I used to love her
I used to run my fingers through that silky hair that was so soft
I used to gaze into those gorgeous midnight eyes,
and be taken to a far away plane of ethereality
But no more
No more will I feel her warm embrace,
smell her delightful fragrance, or taste her sweet lips
Never again will I hear her angelic voice call out my name,
or the sound of her cherubic laughter
Because, my love, is dead
=======================================
Is he speaking metaphorically, or literally? Noooobody Knooows eek
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 8:24 am
This topic has been locked because you haven't made the required three critiques. It will be reopened after three days if you made the required critiques. For more information, please read the rules.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2005 8:18 am
Okay, this topic is now unlocked!
I really like this piece, especially how you inserted one line stanzas. I think the piece could have used a bit more punctuation in order to help the rhythm, but maybe you wanted it to have little punctuation for a reason. It was very detailed and you could really tell what the person in the poem is feeling. Good job!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2005 7:28 pm
This is a very interesting piece. You start it as if it were a lover in a medieval war, remembering his love back home (sorry, I think like that sometimes. . . ) and then bring it around to realizing it's the other way around and the lover has left you. It's mysterious, and has good rythm. Nice job.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 9:28 am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
