Welcome to Gaia! ::

Watching you leave, I find that I cannot breathe. Frozen to the spot you left me. I cannot move until after you are long gone. People stare at me, as they always have. They cannot seem to get their minds around a six and a half foot tall high school student, somehow. My mind is reeling at your last, most venomous outburst.

Loving me was the worst mistake of your life, you said. How a girl like you could even ever have thought that they loved a guy like me was beyond you. How such a relationship could work was impossible to figure out. I wasn’t worthy to kiss the ground you walk on.

You tore me down, then trampled the pieces of my heart on your way out. But as I watch you disappear, I gain the ability to move my head. The first direction my head tilts is down, so that no one will see the tears. As I do so, a red corner seems a beacon against my dark hand. The love notes you thrust at me almost laugh at my distress.

‘Boys don’t cry.’
‘It’s unmanly to cry.’
‘Do you think that this is acceptable?’

I should feel sad. I loved you, princess. You betrayed me, and I lost you. Lost my love. So I should feel sad. For some strange reason, I don’t.
Who would ever think that after a break-up like this, I could possibly feel content, maybe even…happy?

Princess, you can claim that I was your worst mistake ever. That’s something I will never have the privilege of knowing. You can say all you want about me.

Maybe we were a mistake. For all I know, you could be right. All I know- all I can ever know- is that you, Princess, you were my best mistake ever.

((I submitted this one to a magazine, but have yet to see any feedback from them. Any comment? Questions? Snide remarks?))

I like it, but I can see areas where you could add more. At the moment it's all emotion (nothing wrong with that) but there's no picture in my mind as you where you what you're charaacters to be.

I gather this is an interior monologue? It's a great idea, and it would be very moving and personal if there was perhaps a little more detail.

I also noticed in your third paragraph that he has tears in his eyes, then a couple of paragraphs later, seemly in the same instant, he says he isn't sad.

I kind of like the lack of plot and back story. The reader understands right away the guy just had a face-off with his girlfriend, and went through a rough break-up. I also like his reflection upon the letters in his hand and how he reflects on a deeper meaning behind them. Although, I'm still a little confused about the dialog below the fourth paragraph: Is that what was written in the letters, or is that what the girl told this guy?

Like I said, it's a good idea and with a bit of reworking could make a very meaningful excerpt. As Merenwen suggested, read it over a few times and have a couple of peers look it over.

PS. How long have you waited for the magazine to send a reply?