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Is This a Dream....?

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Crimson_Nightmares

PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2005 2:00 pm


This is the first prose I'd ever written. About a whole thing that went on between my friend and I. Now that I'm fairly through with that whole thing, I'm comfortable posting this. Everyone who'd read it said they really loved the emotion. *shrug*
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What is this dream? A dream of all the darkness found in me has engulfed me and blackened my soul. How is it that even though I feel this way, I put on the mask of happiness and play my one act role in the entire play of life. But under that mask no one sees the actual hurt, pain, the tears, the torment or even the despair that eats you alive each and every day. The despair that tells me even though I have so many friends that say they are always there for me and tell me I'm worth life, everything I know is a lie and so are the people. The despair that tells me I?m a fool for ever even considering someone like you could cherish me as much as I do you. All I have is my friends. The ones who tell me time will heal all wounds when little do they know the wounds embedded on my heart feel as if they've been there for all time and will soon cause me to explode as they eat me from the inside out. Then there is just life in general. The cold hands of the world that smack me around each and every day though I portray a happy everyday kid. Inside are dying from the torment of not wanting to keep going a smiling through the pain. Life; that causes me to dream of a time where I will be dead and gone and in a place where I can forget about all that has happened. A place full of the hopeless, lifeless, and absolutely idiotic dreaming lovers such as me aspire for. A place where all the pain that you have bottled up comes out as what it truly is. Nothing but a mound of darkness, monsters. The ones I feared as a child I now see as friends, for they know how I truly feel. I let out this pain in bits a pieces to the ones I care most about, but don't want to open up fully to for fear of them also leaving. This is the story of me and my life. How all of it sucks, explodes, turns to dust and blows away in the wind. Now that my life is done I shall move on. Cold and heartless just as those who have caused me to fall into such as horrific state. A state that causes me to just want to run away. To leave this world and die. Or at least to bleed away all the things I've felt. That a physical pain can't ever compare with. But these feelings seem full of malice, but weren't always as such. Before, when I was naive, all I knew was that if my feelings were true, things would work out. Back when I would've given it all just to tell you how I felt. To feel a kiss, a hug or a handshake at most. Anything to tell me I was worth it. That I should keep on living. While friends tell me that, and how it may be true, it doesn't work that way. I don't care what they say or even if it's true. Why? Because. Just because the person that I want to hear it from is you. You! The one I sacrificed my sanity for. You! The one who I stayed up endless nights thinking about, dreaming about, seeing whenever I closed my eyes and soon even if they weren't closed. I don't even care if I'm here anymore. Why should I? I'm just a waste anyhow. One day poof, I'll be gone. On my death bed. Still thinking of you. Your kiss. Your smile. Your touch. Why is it you have me under such a spell. How I despise you. For causing me to give up life. Causing me to hope for and end to it all. All things that were me. For my body just to fall apart. And for you to watch as it blew away. That is now what I dream of. But how I love you. How I love to find you sitting there. As beautiful as ever. Hand in your hair. Smiling. As if everything is perfect for you. I hate this spell. This spell of deceit. This spell that causes me to notice everything about you. Your laugh. Your voice. Your smile. Ah?for this dream to end. Seems that I'm stuck in this world. I hate that. For I shall never forget you. What is this dream? Well I now know the answer. It isn't. This is my life.
PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 4:42 pm


Damnit why does everyone (most) shrink their damn writing! How the hell am I supposed to red the bloody thing!?

*Ahem

Right!

The first question put me off. It's not so much the question, it's the word 'dream'. I feel as if a universal rant is about to come fore... and you haven't failed me.

I feel you lose the essence of the 'dream' theme by mentioning things that have no importance to the title. I can almost picture what happened to you when reading this. I can see that it is a personal thing expressed so I won't rant too much but I would class this more as a poem simply because it has little prose features.

Queeny
Captain


Crimson_Nightmares

PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 11:23 am


Queeny
Damnit why does everyone (most) shrink their damn writing! How the hell am I supposed to red the bloody thing!?

*Ahem

Right!

The first question put me off. It's not so much the question, it's the word 'dream'. I feel as if a universal rant is about to come fore... and you haven't failed me.

I feel you lose the essence of the 'dream' theme by mentioning things that have no importance to the title. I can almost picture what happened to you when reading this. I can see that it is a personal thing expressed so I won't rant too much but I would class this more as a poem simply because it has little prose features.
Uhhh.....Ok.
PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 6:01 pm


It is very emotional. I think it could be a little more vivid and have a little more detail about why "she" brings you so much pain. All together, I think it's a good peice, but it could have a little more done to it.

U4ic_Tendencies


Cereah
Crew

PostPosted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 8:29 am


This piece was good, but I think it would be better if you made it into paragraphs and not just a huge paragraph. It would help certain points stand out more if they aren't bunched with everything else. Also, there are parts when the sentence doesn't exactly make sense, but a round of editting can fix that. Very emotional and was a good rant- Good job!
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