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((Okay, so this is a Snow White parody (I think thats the word I'm looking for...). This is only the first part of it, but... have fun reading it!))



One

“Aren’t I beautiful?” The tall Queen peered into the large, oval mirror, adjusting the black hood on her head slightly. A grin stretched across her thin lips, and she moved her hands to her hips.

A transparent blue mask-like face floated into the glass of the mirror, it’s empty eyes looking at the Queen. “Yes.” It said without hesitation. “Very much so.”

“Of course I am…” The Queen changed positions a few times, trying to find the pose that best displayed her features. A single strand of dark hair drifted into her face, but she immediately snatched it up and returned it underneath the cap.

If it hadn’t wanted to live, then the face in the mirror would have said something rather rude to this remark. But it kept quiet, only contuing to float on the glass.

“I am also very fair,” the Queen continued, enjoying the sound of the word.

“F-Fair, my lady?” the face stuttered, becoming slightly curious as to why she said this.

“I read it in a book.” She replied, suddenly straightening her body. She patted down the ripples on her night-black dress, and tugged at the sleeves hugging her arms.

“A-A book, my lady?” the face asked again, drifting slightly higher up on the mirror. “I didn’t know you read…”

The Queen let out a short sigh, tearing her gaze off of her reflection, and now to the transparent mask. “Of course I do.” She snapped, trying to keep herself calm. “Why would not think so?”

“Erm, well…”

“Don’t answer that.” The Queen let out another sigh. But then she continued with her original train of thought. “They described a princess as fair…” she began, tilting her head to the side thoughtfully. “And certainly I am fit to be a princess. Heck, I’m a queen…” the Queen continued glaring at the face in the mirror.

“Yes, my lady.”

The Queen grinned with satisfaction, nodding in approval. “Now,” she said, the word coming out in an elongated hiss. “Tell me, mirror mirror, leaning against the wall-“

“I wouldn’t mind to be hanging on the wall…” the mirror added quickly. “My frame is growing mounds of dust from being propped up here-“

The Queen ignored the voice completely, and simply continued. “Who is the fairest one of all?”

The face stayed silent. “Well,” it muttered.

The Queen’s smile turned to a frown. “What kind of an answer is that?!” she snapped, crossing her arms.

“You see…” the face began again. “Honestly, it isn’t-“

The Queen’s face turned sour, her lips curling into a dramatic pout. “IT ISN’T ME?!”

“Well, not necessarily, but-“

“AH!” The Queen threw her hands up into the air. “That isn’t what you were supposed to say! And that’s not what you said, yesterday!”

“I… It isn’t?” the mirror questioned with a slight stutter.

“NO!”

“Oh, I see…” the face stayed silent for a brief moment. “Y-You really should calm yourself, my lady.” It quipped, floating slowly over to the golden edge of the mirror.

The Queen took in a deep breath. Then, reluctantly, she let it out in one long hiss. Her body straightened up slightly, and she attempted to regain her composure. “Alright then,” she huffed, wearily placing her hands on her hips. “Who might the fairest be?”

The transparent face faded away slowly, and an image of a beautifully green field came into view. It was a small clearing- trees were framing it on all sides. But it was filled with colorful flowers of all types. And then there was her.

She was a young girl, from what the Queen could see of her. She was bending down gracefully to pick the flowers from the ground, placing them into her woven basket. Her dress was as colorful as the flowers: blue, red, white, green… Her hair was raven black, pulled away from her face by a dainty scarlet ribbon.

The Queen studied her for a moment, then raised an eyebrow quizzically. “Who is she?”

The image stayed unto the glass of the mirror, but the face’s voice could be heard. “Snow White, your majesty.” It replied, the words said softly.

“Snow White?” The Queen began. She let out a snort. “What the heck kind of name is ‘Snow White?’”

“Erm…” the mirror didn’t add anything. “She is your stepdaughter, my lady.”

The Queen’s expression changed slightly. The skin on her face scrunched together. “She is?” she asked bluntly.

“Yes, my lady.”

“I don’t rememeber a stepdaughter…” she paused, her eyes raising to the ceiling in thought. “That was some party.”

The image disappeared. The glow of the blue mask-like face slowly came back into view. It didn’t say anything.

The Queen let out a long, dramatic sigh. “She is quite beautiful, I suppose.”

“One of the most beautiful.” The mirror added.

“Yes, yes…” The Queen wandered over to a fancy, scarlet chair and sat down wearily. She crossed her legs in a frustrated manner, letting her elbow thud unto the amrest. Her hand moved to her lap as all expression on her face disappeared.

“But you are second fairest.” The mirror said quickly, hoping to lighten things up.

The Queen’s face frowned once again. “That isn’t good enough!” she yelled, rolling her hand into a tight fist. She raised it into the air and brought it down hard unto the wood of the chair. The drooping fabric of her sleeve floated back down to her side.

The face on the mirror changed slightly, seeming rather afraid. “W-What do you propose we do?” it asked frantically.

The Queen let out another long sigh. Her eyes wandered around the room as she slumped back into the chair. But then, suddenly, her expression lit up. She jerked forward, her feet letting out a soft thud on the ground.

“We’ll dispose of her!” she said almost excitedly.

“D-Dispose of her, my lady?!” the voice quivered.

“Yes! Kill her!” A meniacal grin stretched across the Queen’s mouth. “Then I will once again be fairest in the land!”

The blank eyes of the face on the glass grew wide with terror. “That’s awfully terrible, my lady!”

The Queen waved off the mirror’s words. “Yeah, well, it’ll work out one way or the other.” She clapped her hands together in a decided fashion. “Oh hunstman!”

There was a quiet grumble, then the light thuds of footsteps. In walked a grubby looking man, tall and thin with scraggly, loose clothing. His brown hair flopped left and right as he stepped. His expression was one of annoyance.

“I have a name, y’know.” The huntsman informed the Queen rather angrily.

“I’m sure you do.” The Queen said skeptically, nodding her head. “But I have a job for you…”

The huntsman rolled his eyes, moving his hand to the wooden bow on his back. “What is it…?” he asked half-heartedly, the annoyed expression still smeared on his face.

“I want you to get rid of the girl called ‘Snow White.’”

There was a moment of silence. The face in the mirror continued to float all around the glass, listening to their conversation.

“Snow White?” The huntsman asked, an eyebrow raised. “What kind of name is that?”

“I wondered the same thing!”

The mirror let out a long, dramatic sigh. “How did I end up here, again?” it mumbled to itself.

“Back to business!” The Queen shouted, loudly clapping her hands together. “I am expecting her to be gone by…?”

“Tonight, your majesty.” The huntsman replied. “If not earlier.”

“Very good!”

((Alright, heres the next part. I'm really sorry if its hard to understand at moments... yeah, so, hope you like it anyway. Oh, and thank you soooo much Nephthys Angel! ))

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

Two

“La la, la la…” Snow White bent down once more to pick up the beautiful flower, singing an off-tune song as she did so. She didn’t know she couldn’t sing; no one had told her. But, oh well.

The huntsman heard this loud screeching voice, and wouldn’t at all suspect it to belong to fair Snow White. But as he crept up closer to the clearing, to his amazement, he was wrong. And there was the lovely, graceful girl.

The huntsman, who indeed had a name (it was Ralph), made his way through the last of the trees, stepping into the grassy field. He peered over at Snow White, and moved his hand to his bow. The other hand went to the quiver hanging off of his back.

As Ralph did this, his foot happened to land on a twig. And you can guess, I’m sure, what happened next.

Snap!

Snow White quickly turned her head in the direction of the noise, the happy expression on her face fading slightly. “Hello?” she called out, glancing around the field. Her voice was high-pitched, and what one might consider ‘sweet.’

“Erm…” Ralph’s hands froze where they were, his eyes staring at Snow White. Nice, Ralph… he scolded himself angrily.

Snow White’s eyes moved to the other person in the are, and an innocent smile formed her lips. “Oh, hello there!” she said, tilting her head to the side and giving a dainty wave.

“Um… hi.” Ralph replied, giving a fast, awkward wave back.
Snow White simply smiled, ignoring his stiffness. She glanced to his bow. Then her eyes got wide, and her expression changed into one of fear.

“DON’T KILL THE BUNNIES!”

“W-what?!” Ralph coughed, jumping back in surprise from her outburst.

“Please, PLEASE, don’t kill the bunnies!” Snow White repeated, tearing her eyes away from the weapon to look at him. She clasped her hands together. Tears started welling up in her eyes. “They don’t… they don’t deserve to die-“

“Listen, lady, I wasn’t going to kill the… erm… bunnies.” Ralph said frantically, moving his hands out in front of him as if attempting to shield himself.

“Don’t kill the birdies either,” Snow White added, still on the verge of tears. “Or the deers, or the kitties, or the gorillas, or the elves, or the dwarves, or the birdies-“

Ralph grumbled angrily, quickly becoming frustrated with her. He shifted unto the other foot“I WAS GOING TO KILL YOU!”

“And-“ Snow White paused from her ramblings. Her eyes grew wider… and for a moment, she didn’t do anything… except drop the flowers in her hand. Then she let out a deafening scream. “AHHHH!”

Ralph slapped his hand to his forehead in frustration. “Look, I was-“

But Snow White wasn’t listening. “AHHHHH! AHHHH1”

“P-please, PLEASE stop!” Ralph screeched, quickly moving his hands to his ears. His face scrunched up as he attempted to drone out the noise.

The screaming stopped instantly. Tears were slipping down the girl’s pale cheeks, and she sniffled back another sob. But then something odd happened. Snow White’s innocent face seemed to… disappear.

Her dainty red lips curled upward into a mischievous grin. Her hands moved to her hips, and she glared at Ralph with eyes that weren’t at all like they had been five seconds ago.

Ralph’s eyes grew wide in terror.

“I’ll stop… under one condition.” Snow White’s words floated from her mouth in a low, sadistic tone.

“A-A-And what might t-that be…” Ralph stuttered, taking a slow step back.

“I’ll stop…” she repeated, her eyes flashing. “If you leave me alone…” Her eyes moved to the bow strapped on his back. “And give me that bow of yours.”

“What? No!” Ralph shouted immediately, rubbing the weapon protectively.

“Well, alright then…” Snow White took in a deep breath, her chest inflating with air.

“W-Wait! Alright, fine! Just PLEASE don’t…” Ralph hurriedly pulled his bow from its position on his shoulder. With a small sigh, he handed it to Snow White.

The girl took it cheerfully, the sweet innocent smile returning to her face. “Why thank you, how kind.” She commented, swinging the weapon around her own shoulder.

Ralph frowned. “I can’t believe this…When I heard ‘Snow White,’ this is certainly not what I was-“

“Snow White?” Snow White asked curiously, tilting her head to the side. “What kind of a name is that?”

“I was wondering the same- hey, wait a minute!” Ralph’s face turned to one of pure confusion. “Aren’t you Snow White?”

‘Snow White’ glanced up at the sky thoughtfully, then shook her head. “No… no, I’m Freda.”

“F-Freda?” Ralph repeated, his body not moving an inch. “Are you… serious?”

“Yeah,” Freda began, now nodding. “But I do know a Snow White… I’ll get her for you…”

“Erm, thanks but-“

“SNOW WHITE!” Freda had turned her head to the side, calling out the name with a booming voice. Ralph almost had to cover his ears again. The sound of flapping wings followed the echo as birds flew off into the air from fright.

Then ‘Freda’ turned her head back to face Ralph. “Hello.” She said in the same, sweet tone as when he first met her.

“Erm…” Ralph hesitated. “Hi… is Snow White coming or not?”

“I’m Snow White.” Freda/Snow White replied simply, her eyebrows furrowing slightly with confusion.

“Wai- what?” Ralph rubbed his forehead with his thumb and index finger. “Are you Snow White, or Freda?”

“Snow White,” Snow White replied.

“No way…” Ralph didn’t even glance at Snow White. He just turned on his heel and started walking back to the trees.



“She… she has a split personality.” Ralph told the Queen after he had gotten there.

“A split personality?” The Queen and the mirror asked in unison. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Ralph said with a nod. “The other side’s name is Freda.”

“Freda?” the Queen raised an eyebrow, shifting uncomfortably in her chair. “Okay, so… what do we do now?”

“Beats me…” the mirror muttered, the transparent face bobbing up and down on the glass.

“Should I try to kill her again?” Ralph asked quizzically, leaning forward in his chair a bit.

“I don’t know… you lost your bow, remember.” The Queen added this last part with a bitter tone.

There was a long moment of silence in which everyone thought of a solution.

“I know!” the mirror said finally, the mask’s mouth curling into a grin.

“Yes?”

“We should send her to some place that would be so terrible, it would drive her insane.”

Both the Queen and Ralph stared over at the mirror in deep thought.

“That just might work…” Ralph responded, a small smile appearing on his face.

“I suppose,” began the Queen. “But… does this mean no blood?”

“What- no, no blood, your majesty.” The mirror seemed quite satisfied with this thought. It had never wanted to kill the girl in the first place.

“Ah… whats plan B?”

“Um… we don’t have a plan B.”

“But plan A is soooo terribly boring.” The Queen said, letting out a long sigh.

“It will be fine, your majesty.” Ralph added, rolling his eyes. “Now… where to put her…”

Another long moment of silence.

“With the dwarves!”

“T-The dwarves?” Ralph asked quizzically, returning his gaze to the Queen.

“Yeah, the ones that are always going around singing their idiotic little ‘hi ho, hi ho’ song.” She muttered, nodding her head back and forth as she spoke. “That annoying song has gotten stuck in my head more times then I can count…”

“Sounds reasonable.” The mirror said.

“Yeah, I suppose it works.” Ralph nodded, slumping back into his chair slightly.

“Good, then, its settled.” The Queen paused, running over the plan in her head. “Ralph, you take her there-“:

“But why do I always have to?” Ralph asked angrily, folding his arms over his chest.

“Because you’re the evil hunstman.” The Queen replied simply. “No go…”

Whoa! Snow White is bipolar! eek I really like this story. It is very funny, and yet you keep the same elements of the original story in there. Very nice work! I hope to see that you add to this story!