Welcome to Gaia! ::

Dear Gaia Mod Squad,

It's official; you're all turning into a bordello of commercial sluts. How many more ways can you possibly find to sell yourselves out? In the past two months alone, you’ve used The Last Mimzy, Gracie, Tsubasa, and Nancy Drew as quest material … I thought Gaia was meant to be GAIA, not a business brothel. It’s not going to be Gaia for long if you keep slicing it into pieces and gradually selling it off to whoever will stuff money into the panties of your dancing corporate prostitute.

How about a few quests that actually relate to Gaia? Huh? Or has that commercial mind control started setting in to the point of no return? No one – that’s right – no one – signed up to be visited by the Jehovah’s Witnesses of Marketing every time a new quest is released. Don’t get me wrong; quests are nice and all, but honestly, who can enjoy themselves when you use the quests as an opportunity to feed us the latest promotional shitslop from ******** Inc.?

For one thing, it’s ******** unsanitary. Okay? It’s attracting FLIES. Semi-literate flies who can’t spell “hooked on phonix” without using numbers. It’s eye-gougingly ridiculous. Of course, you couldn’t care less. As far as you’re concerned, the only problem with Gaia is that there aren’t enough people buying the monthly collectibles. So, you market Gaia to absolutely everyone, and it starts to smell even worse than it does now, attracting more flies and other grammatically impaired insects that can’t differentiate between a space and a punctuation mark. And you do this by using our desire for new quests to get us to Eat at Joe’s.

Oh wait… you CAN’T stop selling yourselves out, because you need the business-parasite-infested money to keep us entertained with all kinds of new, wonderful, shiny features we don’t even ******** NEED. Here’s a helpful hint from a friendly user: try spending a little time and effort working on the features we already have instead of trying to introduce these new half-assed attempts to appease us. Do you honestly think a useless little item like a ******** MAGNIFYING GLASS can justify turning Gaia into a corporate porta-potty? I hope not, because I’m a little less than amused. And judging by that little howler you guys pulled on the navigation system last week, I highly doubt that you’re in any position to decide what features the USERS want to see.

But, despite my fierce opposition to your blatant selloutry, I do have a developing suggestion in mind in case you want to expand your commercial cabaret fortress outward. It’s called the Free p***s Enlarging IPod Ringtone Quest. All you have to do is click on a little banner that directs you to the Cell Phone 360 Horoscope Dating Service Guild, designed specifically for the glorification of spam, in which you have to stay for two hours reading complaints, grievances, and “1 w4nt mai pr1z3 h0w d0 1 g3t5 mai pr1z3 pl0x.” After completing the quest, you receive your choice of one of three items: an inflatable p***s for your avatar, a free ringtone that plays every time you receive a message, or an extremely rare, elusive GAIA-RELATED QUEST! Is that so ******** hard to imagine?

Here’s some advice. Sit down, take a breather, have some opium, and get your priorities straight. You’re running an Internet community, not a corporate playground. Though nowadays the two tend to be indistinguishable, there is a difference. And if you start promoting the latest spyware enlarging gift card removers, then I doubt you’ll have many users hanging around to enjoy the new features you’re planning to give them in exchange.

Uncomfortably,
Semper Fiasco.

This is also in my journal if anyone's interested.

Now if they would just sell out to Capcom...

Then maybe we could all get wheelchairs and sniper rifles.

We already have briefcases. Which can only mean the selloutry has begun.

And a Golden Gun would be nice, provided we don't actually have to shoot anyone in the herpes to get it.

Briefcases =/= attaché cases.

However, the Golden Gun would be nice. I just want to be able to carry a Walther PPK as an item. If I can do that, I'll switch my av back to male.