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 Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 11:05 am
I softly breathed the warm of love
As I reach for it
it falls to dust
I cannot hold love in these arms
it falls to nothing
The dream of love
just a window painted black
with blood and death
But I shall not give up
I shall not give in
Love is not just a game of pain and death
It is a test of your soul!
Of your mind!
But everymoment I am near
this glass heart of love
It breaks to dust without a idea to rebluid it.
This is my life
I don't want a damn hand of help.
I do not want your attiton
nor your love.
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Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 5:36 pm
I like this poem more than the other one that you posted because it has more of a rhythm to it (which I apparently enjoy sweatdrop ). There are still some grammer errors and mispelled words, but you can gather the gist of your idea.
It's a little hard to read with some of the words you chose. It seems like you start an idea, and then you don't finish it.
But it's still a good poem. smile
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Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 6:58 am
It was a good poem, though there are a few errors (such as 'an' not 'a' before idea...) which you'll probably notice during your proof-reading. I also would like to see more punctuation in the piece to help the reader know what should be emphasized.
It had good emotion, good imagery, and I liked how the last stanza was shorter that the other two stanzas. Good job!
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Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 9:17 pm
Thank you! hehe, I'll post up some more poems soon.
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Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 1:04 pm
Quote: The dream of love just a window painted black not bad. i like those two lines there. eight-lined stanzas and then finished it with a four-lined. overall you did a pretty good job.
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Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 2:23 pm
I like the structure, especially how you ended with a 4-line stanza.
the meaning of the poem is dark and heh, i tend to write darker stuff to so i relate to it.
overall, it's good.
- <3 rose <3 -
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 10:25 pm
Keee! I like the ending. I feel that way abut love all the time. Good poem!
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Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 4:03 pm
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 9:04 am
wow... I love it!!!... awsome emotion.. I almost wanted to cray.. (in a good way)... I can' twait to see some more of your stuff
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 5:23 pm
I liked it. It's really deep. I don't like the fact that you used a curse word, though. redface
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Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 8:13 pm
Thank you I will be posting more now that I see people are reading more of my stuff. And the curse word, I though it really pulled it together sorry.
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