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What my Mother taught me.... LOL

Mystress_Gin
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Posted: Sat Jun 02, 2007 9:11 pm

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"Your room looks like a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite:
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you

Posted: Sat Jun 02, 2007 9:20 pm

LOLZ!! So true!! I love it!!

Melz_Kitten
Crew

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NeverBitter_AllDelicious
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Posted: Sun Jun 03, 2007 9:41 am

Hahahahahahaha!!! That's great stuff. My favorite is the last one too. My mom has said that to me sooo many times. She still says that now. But, I don't think there is anything wrong with my kids turning out like me... I'm great!!!! xd

Posted: Sun Jun 03, 2007 8:16 pm

Great stuff...I'd like to say that I won't say any of that stuff..But I'm not going to..I know that it will probably happen.

Kage170

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Mystress_Gin
Vice Captain

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Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 12:29 am

One that isn't in there is " I brought you into this world and I can take you out... " LOL I used to hear that one when my my grandma would get mad at my Uncle.... and i think my mom used to say it to my little brothers from her second marriage, as they were all practical jokers..LOL always up to something... Like when I went to live with her when they were little Matt who was 3 at the time would go in the fridge and get the ice water and throw it on me to wake me up.... I honestly think my mom put him up to that one.....