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Poem: Rusted Armor

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Syraenom

PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 7:16 pm


All my life I've had this armor
it's rusted
it's old
but it fits
and feels right on me
often
others come to me
offering new armors
without rust
and of stranger metals
But I see the oils
The poisoned oils they used
that would kill me
who I was
and who I am
so I sit here
polishing and working
till the dull crimson hue
seems as good as new

All my life I've had this armor
I will keep and care for it
it is my identity
it is what people see
when they see me
PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 9:04 am


Very interesting! (Interesting in a good way.)

idea The armor is a great parallel to image and appearance.

idea Imagery, especially

Quote:
and of stranger metals
But I see the oils
The poisoned oils they used
that would kill me


idea Nice flow + movement.

arrow IMHO, I don't really see anything more you need to work on. Maybe someone else can give their opinion... :nudge nudge:

All in all, a solid peice (piece?).

Attingere

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Old Writings

 
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