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 Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 4:19 pm
Okay, this might be against TOS or something, but I NEED help...
I've been feeling really down about everything, lately, nd I don't know why. I have no reason to be so sad nd depressed nd s**t, but I feel like I have to be like that, I dunno. I've f*cking got the best friends in the world. They're awesome. Always there for me, there to laugh with, cry with, or just randomly chat with. I still feel like s**t, no matter how good my life is. It's like this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me there's something wrong, but I can't figure out what it is.
I wanna die. I think about killing myself. I know everybody would be sad at first, but they'd move on faster than they think they would. I would be sorely missed, but I'd be replaced with someone down to earth and kinder and more polite and funnier and all together better than me. I haven't started cutting, yet. My life is spinning out of control and it's all my fault. I put too much on myself, and I can't live up to my own expectations. Needless to say, I'm scared. I hate myself. I hate who I'm becoming, emotionally atleast. I carry on about the smallest things, make everything seem like it's my fault. Ah, well, thanx fer listenin' to mah rant.
Check out my quizilla account: XomgXimmaXemoX
Face down in the dirt, she said this doesn't hurt, she said, I've finally had enough
help me
heart Lena
-------------------------------
EDIT
-------------------------------I have started cutting, unfortunatly. I can't get myself to stop, either
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 4:39 pm
wow, i feel almost the exact same way. i hate who i've become in the last years. i feel like i make other people's lives miserable because i cant always control how i am around people. i can't stop you from cutting, i'm a cutter, and i know someone telling me to stop isnt going to make me stop. but PLEASE PLEASE be safe, and do not kill yourself. i'm here to talk about whatever you need to talk about, you can b***h, scream (well online scream) and call me names, but if you need to get it out, im here. and sometimes it's not the present that is making us depressed, but that past.
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 4:51 pm
yeah, I guess that's pretty good. It's nice having somebody there for me everywhere.
heart Lena
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Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 11:15 am
You won't ever be replaced by anyone. Even if you kill yourself, and your friends and family move on, they won't ever find someone who can fill your position.
That being said, have you talked about any of this with your doctor? Many cases of depression are caused by seratonin deficiency (it's the chemical that makes you happy), and if your brain isn't producing enough, you end up feeling depressed.
I know people are often scared of going to professionals about this, but if you have a biological problem, there's nothing you can do about it, you need help.
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Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 4:48 pm
Nobody can replace you. There maybe somebody else like you, but you will not be replaced. People will miss you. Suicide is not a good option. It doesn't help anything and if you fail at it, the aftermath ******** sucks. If you have depression, then you don't necessarily have to have a reason to be depressed. It's a chemical imbalance and can strike you at any time. If you don't have one already, you might want to invest in a psychiatrist and a psychologist. If you don't already take medication, try maybe getting on some anti-depressants. If you're already on them, talk to your doctor about upping your dosage or trying a new medication. You should also talk to somebody about your cutting.
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Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 5:44 pm
It'll be a tough road to veer off of, cutting. It's a horrible habit to get into and while it may give you relief while you're doing it, it'll drive people away from you in the end. :[
No one has the ability to replace you. No two people are exactly the same, so even with it comes to biology, it's impossible :]
And I agree with Tookie, if it seems to be getting worse, you really should look into going to a professional. There are a lot of different ways to go about, some more or less expensive than others. You just have to do your homework and see what'll work for you. It's also going to be a long trial/error sequence. Not many people find a doctor that they're compatable with their first try, but don't give up on it :]
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Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 7:39 pm
I'm sorry but I only read parts of it >,> I can't read...I just can't read for long. But anyway most people want to kill themselves because they are sad or hate themselves.......From what Maxie had said she feels the exact same way (almost).....I take it you hate what you have become? I will read it all later but hey...what can I say... I suck.
If you hate yourself, then who says you are to be that way forever? You still have time to change. You have lots of people supporting all your actions, people who care about you. Every single thing that you need to help yourself you have, now just take advantage of it.
Actually, people can replace you, but they won't be YOU. Ever see a replacement? They suck. Just don't give up on yourself. I could get into long stories about myself but I won't cause.....oh why not, buahahaha.....I won't...sorry if I'm no help ;D I can always try again.
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Posted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 5:47 pm
Step back from yourself for a few minutes and list everything good about yourself. You could even ask your friends to list some good things. I guarantee this will make you feel a lot better about yourself even if you don't show it. Your friends will nver replace you and they will never get over it. Put yourself in their shoes and imagine one of your friends killing themself and how that would make you feel. Friends never get over that type of thing. I know because my friend still carries around a picture of a boy everywhere she goes even though he committed suicide 2 yrs ago. I saw her take out his pic and band tag at a band competition and start crying. My friend NEVER cries. To have friends that regret your absence for the rest of their lives means that you must be a very good person. When you think about suicide think about the people who care too. Maybe try to contact one of them to help you get past it.
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Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 2:12 pm
Thank you all for your help. I am happy to say that I am back to myself. I now find it hard to believe that ever even thought of doing that. I would hurt so many people. It's taken a while, but I stopped cutting, and the scars are almost gone. My friend is very proud of me, and I've taken up writing when I feel the need to hurt myself. As a result, I have five fricking notebooks full of lyrics, stories and poems. I feel better about myself. Though, I still can't get over the fact that I'm a fat a** that everybody hates. Oh well, I'll get over it. After all, time heals everything...right?
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