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 Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 11:34 pm
Ok,well here's a quick little story that I made up. Alex's BIG Surprise - Part 1
It was the middle of October and it was Alex's birthday! Alex was about 6' tall and average weight with brown hair and eyes. He was very excited and couldn't wait to see his friend Ren to come over. Ren was about 5'6'' tall and kept herself in shape. She said that she had made a very special present for him. Around 3 O'Clock PM the doorbell to Alex's house rang. He ran to the door to answer it,and it was Ren. She grabbed and gave him a big hug and a kiss. "Those are two of your presents! Happy Birthday,it's great to see ya Alex!" Ren said in excitement. "Hehe,it's good to see you too Ren!" Alex said hugging and kissing her back. "So what's this big surprsise you made for me?" Alex asked,very excited to find out. "Well,it's something I think you and I will both enjoy. ^^" Ren said. "Come on,let's head up to your room and I'll show you!" Alex and Ren both ran upstairs and Ren closed the door and locked it behing them. Ren then pulled what looked like a T.V. Remote out of her purse. "What is that?" Alex asked,"Your present." Ren answered very bluntly. "...And what does it do?" "Well allow me to show you." Ren said pointing the device at Alex. She then flipped a switch on the device and said "I'll see you down there" while pointing to the ground infront of her socked feet and press a big red button on the device. A ray of light came out of the device and hit Alex right in the chest. He felt a weird tingling sensation throughout his body and then felt numb and passed out. Alex then woke up to a gentle nudge. He opened his eyes and saw a giant finger,conncected to a giant hand,connected to a giant Ren! "Hello Alex. <3"
The End Of Part 1 So,what do you think? Should I continue to write more to it? Comments are greatly appreciated! biggrin
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Posted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 12:07 am
A good start. Please keep going.
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Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2007 4:50 am
Story wise... great! But grammer wise... I'll give you some tips.
1. Double enter when one speaker is done talking and another is beginning to talk.
2. Double enter when the 'subject' of one paragraph is done. An example would be double enter after "very special present for him" Because that small paragraph was the intro, and the subject was Alex's b-day and what he was waiting for. Other times subjects change would be when the setting changes (Date, Time, Place)
Thats all I have to say, these tips when you no-doubt write a bigger story will make it so there is no chance of confusion. ^^
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Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2007 2:36 pm
Yes it was a good start but you have to write more. That is just an introduction. ^^
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ninjabbehrens Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2007 7:05 pm
Hey everyone sorry I haven't checked back at all,I've been really busy. ><
Anyway,thank you Maniac Monkey for the suggestions and yes ninjabbehrens that was what I was going for. I hope I have time to write soon. So many ideas and such little time! xd whee
Tchuse everyone!
-Ellsworth
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Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 3:46 pm
Ellsworth Hey everyone sorry I haven't checked back at all,I've been really busy. >< Anyway,thank you Maniac Monkey for the suggestions and yes ninjabbehrens that was what I was going for. I hope I have time to write soon. So many ideas and such little time! xd whee Tchuse everyone! -Ellsworth Your welcome
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 2:38 am
Maniac Monkey Story wise... great! But grammer wise... I'll give you some tips. 1. Double enter when one speaker is done talking and another is beginning to talk. 2. Double enter when the 'subject' of one paragraph is done. An example would be double enter after "very special present for him" Because that small paragraph was the intro, and the subject was Alex's b-day and what he was waiting for. Other times subjects change would be when the setting changes (Date, Time, Place) Thats all I have to say, these tips when you no-doubt write a bigger story will make it so there is no chance of confusion. ^^ ::points to his stuff:: Mhm! Hehehe- Monkey- you'll do fine in your English 101 class when you go to college. ^^ Hehehehe.
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 6:24 am
PearlSistacia Maniac Monkey Story wise... great! But grammer wise... I'll give you some tips. 1. Double enter when one speaker is done talking and another is beginning to talk. 2. Double enter when the 'subject' of one paragraph is done. An example would be double enter after "very special present for him" Because that small paragraph was the intro, and the subject was Alex's b-day and what he was waiting for. Other times subjects change would be when the setting changes (Date, Time, Place) Thats all I have to say, these tips when you no-doubt write a bigger story will make it so there is no chance of confusion. ^^ ::points to his stuff:: Mhm! Hehehe- Monkey- you'll do fine in your English 101 class when you go to college. ^^ Hehehehe. thanks, to be honest i never saw myself as a writer until mid last year
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ninjabbehrens Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 5:06 pm
Tchuse? Is that a germanic farewell? Not used to seeing it spelled like that. Or am I mistaken?
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 5:15 pm
ninjabbehrens Tchuse? Is that a germanic farewell? Not used to seeing it spelled like that. Or am I mistaken? Yes,that is what it means. And I'm pretty sure that's what it is. If not,then my German teacher's have been lieing to me. xd
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Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 7:41 pm
awesome hope you continue
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Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 1:17 pm
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 10:34 am
First off let me apologize for not adding the second half sooner. My friend Ren,who is also the giantess in this story,sprained her ankle awhile ago and I haven't worked on it since. So anyway,onto the second installment!
Alex's Big Surprise - Part 2
Alex looked up at Ren's new body in shock.
"Ren wha- why are you so big?!" He asked almost afraid.
"I'm big silly." She said giggleing. "You're small!"
Alex look around the room and noticed saw that everything was huge. Ren was right,nothing had grown. He had just shrunk.
Alex poked Ren's finger to make sure this was real and he felt her finger...This was real. It wasn't a joke,or a dream.
"So how tall am I now?"
Ren thought to herself for a moment and said "I'd say...about two feet tall."
"TWO FEET?!" Alex shouted.
"Whoa,easy Alex. You've got me to protect you and besides..." Ren bent down and put her mouth next to his ear and whispered "...I know this is your biggest fantasy." Making sure to emphasize biggest.
Alex looked up her giant lips and could only stare for a minute. So many thoughts ran through his head. Like how did she find out and what would she do with or to him at this size. Ren noticed the look of fear on his face and picked him up.
"It's ok Alex,I'm not going to hurt you. I would never do anything like that." And gave him a puppy dog pout.
Alex thought for a minute and calmed his mind. She would never do anything like that. He then hugged her...or atleast as much as he could.
"I'm sorry for doubting you,I know you better than that."
Then Alex let go.
"So how did you shrink me?" Alex asked now with curiosity instead of fear.
"With this!" And Ren showed Alex the device that resembeled a T.V. Remote. "It has two settings on it. Shrink and growth incase we need to adjust something." She said,savoring the word adjust.
"So there are two settings? So we could have a lot of fun!" Alex said even happier than he was to be shrunk by his girlfriend.
"Come on Alex,let's have some fun..." Ren said letting that sentence trail off and let Alex imagine the possibilities.
Then she picked him up and went toward the bed...
The End Of Part 2
Any comments on the second half would be appreciated! And any ideas of what she should do with him? Hehe,just let me know. And if I have to,I will start to put it on Writing.Com. 3nodding
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Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 12:16 pm
I remember this! I was looking through writing.com and I remember reading this awhile ago! >.<
I liked it, very awesome job^-^
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