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 Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2007 9:58 pm
☆☆
Alright.
Of all the things that bother me, lately, this one's been bugging me the most.
You see, my whole family hates me.
All of them do. And the one person who didn't, is dead.
I live with my grandma, my uncle, my aunt, my mom, my mother and 3 cousins.
And they all hate me, and basically tell me how much better their lives would be if I was dead, and anything else negative you can think of.
But here's the thing.
All my family if bi-polar. It's a hereditary disease in my family, but they take it to an extreme.
I know that deep in their black hearts, they really hate me. But they don't always act like it. One minute their really nice, and the next minute they throw it in my face.
My self-esteem is really, really low. I hate myself, and I truly wish I was dead. I've attempted suicide several times.
Not for myself, however. I want to die for several reasons.
1. It would make my family happier, and less stressed-out.
2. This life is too painful, and I don't know how much more I can take.
3. Everyone in my family has abused me at one point or tried to kill me anyway, so I might as well jsut save them the trouble...
I'm an ex-cutter. As in, I don't cut anymore. But without it, it's a lot harder for me to cope with things. My body has resorted to Repression, but just like everything else, it's starting to not work as well as it used to.
I'm tired of not crying as much as I want/need to. And I don't know what I should do. My mind is telling me to kill myself, but my heart... well, I dunno if I have one. It's pretty much shattered at this point.
So, I figured I'd ask you guys for advice.
☆☆
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Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2007 11:48 am
ahhh hunny is there a way to get out of there? live with other people? i'm worried for your safety where you are living! anyways, DO NOT KILL YOURSELF! i don't know you that well, but i have seen your posts and you seem like an awesome person, and killing yourself partly because of your family is not the way to go! im so sorry that you have to live this way. i would say find out if there is any way you can get away from your family, because if they are doing this to you, you should not have to live there with them! i don't know what else to say, but please be safe, and please try to start cutting again, and please please do not kill yourself!
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Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 4:40 pm
MsMaxie ahhh hunny is there a way to get out of there? live with other people? i'm worried for your safety where you are living! anyways, DO NOT KILL YOURSELF! i don't know you that well, but i have seen your posts and you seem like an awesome person, and killing yourself partly because of your family is not the way to go! im so sorry that you have to live this way. i would say find out if there is any way you can get away from your family, because if they are doing this to you, you should not have to live there with them! i don't know what else to say, but please be safe, and please try to start cutting again, and please please do not kill yourself! ☆☆
o.o So, it's okay if I cut myself? o..o Because I really want to.
o.o My family isn't the only reason I want to kill myself. x.x; But, I just really don't see a point in life. I'm afraid of getting old, to be honest, and everyone is happier when I'm asleep. o.o So... Why not sleep forever?
☆☆
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Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 4:50 pm
x[. Asuka Soryu .]x MsMaxie ahhh hunny is there a way to get out of there? live with other people? i'm worried for your safety where you are living! anyways, DO NOT KILL YOURSELF! i don't know you that well, but i have seen your posts and you seem like an awesome person, and killing yourself partly because of your family is not the way to go! im so sorry that you have to live this way. i would say find out if there is any way you can get away from your family, because if they are doing this to you, you should not have to live there with them! i don't know what else to say, but please be safe, and please try to start cutting again, and please please do not kill yourself! ☆☆
o.o So, it's okay if I cut myself? o..o Because I really want to.
o.o My family isn't the only reason I want to kill myself. x.x; But, I just really don't see a point in life. I'm afraid of getting old, to be honest, and everyone is happier when I'm asleep. o.o So... Why not sleep forever?
☆☆ ☆☆
o.o Also, the only other place I can go to is my dad's house. And I really, really hate him. I mean, you have NO idea.
I'd rather live here than with him.
But next summer, one of my best friends, Tsuki, said she's come here to Arizona... (She lives in Ohio) and she said she'd come take me back to Ohio with her. But, I've never fully trusted anyone, to be honest. So I dunno whether to belive she means it or not.
But, she's pretty much the only reason I haven't killed myself by now. Because if she really IS going to come here, then I don't want to make her feel bad by being dead... @_@
☆☆
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Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 5:03 pm
well, try not to cut, i know cutting seems to help, but i wouldnt advise you to do it. but if its either that or suicide, i would say cut. as bad as this sounds. im afraid to get old too, im afraid of so many things. well, if you cant go to your dads house..then i dont know. could you call childrens services? go live in a foster home? i'm not sure if they have that where you live but..its worth a shot. although that is a huge step, but i mean, you are thinking of ending your life, it seems like maybe you have to do something big.
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Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 11:52 am
Have you called Child Protection Services? They could help. If you had somebody else to stay with, they would make sure you got there and stayed safe. It's a big step to call somebody and tell them everything. Abuse is not okay, I'm sure you know, so CPS could have your family tried and convicted for the things they've done to you. Just stay safe, don't try to kill yourself (damn, I'm one to talk...), and, like MsMAxie said, if it's between cutting and suicide, then cut. Not severly, but just enough to make you feel a little better. I know it does take the edge off things, but too deep and you WILL die.
heart Lena
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Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 4:11 pm
SukiNekoShinigami-kun Have you called Child Protection Services? They could help. If you had somebody else to stay with, they would make sure you got there and stayed safe. It's a big step to call somebody and tell them everything. Abuse is not okay, I'm sure you know, so CPS could have your family tried and convicted for the things they've done to you. Just stay safe, don't try to kill yourself (damn, I'm one to talk...), and, like MsMAxie said, if it's between cutting and suicide, then cut. Not severly, but just enough to make you feel a little better. I know it does take the edge off things, but too deep and you WILL die. heart Lena ☆☆
I've called CPS before.
The only thing they did was make sure my mom and I got counsling... I begged them to take me out of my house, but they said they needed "visable proof" before they could do anything. So, I showed them my scars and bruises from her, but they still didn't do anything. CPS can go to Hell.
And if I call them again, I'll just be sent to my dad's. ... -sigh-
And I'm still trying not to cut. It makes everyone mad at me... And I got taken to the mental institution last time I did it, because they thought I'd cut too deep next time.
I dunno... It just seems like there's no way out. I don't tell people how I feel about things, and I know I should once in a while. But no one really cares anyway.
I mean, I've talked to counselors, and I don't mind telling people what's going on, but I can't remember the last time I've told someone about my FEELINGS. o.O
Gah. Now I'm rambling. ^_^;; Sorry. o.o But, I don't know what to do anymore. Everything just seems like it's getting worse...
☆☆
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Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 4:26 pm
maybe its time to start people your feelings, and just not whats happening! i don't know! i wish i could help you way more than i am! i feel so useless!
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Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 7:18 pm
MsMaxie maybe its time to start people your feelings, and just not whats happening! i don't know! i wish i could help you way more than i am! i feel so useless! ☆☆
-sweatdrop- It's not your fault. o.o It just proves my point that there ISN'T a solution to this. e.e;;
☆☆
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Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 7:38 pm
Child protection services. You can easily get out of their and be in a happier home. Just give it a try, it will boost your self esteem too 3nodding
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Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 11:23 am
You really do seem to have no way out. I completely support your decision for suicide, and if you PM me, I can provide you with methods and their potential consequences to help you make it as quick and painless as possible. I'm not trolling or anything, but I don't think it would be a good idea to make this kind of information accessible to everyone in the guild, or do anything that would get me in trouble with the Terms of Service. But if that's honestly what you want to do, I can help make it easier for you.
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Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 4:40 pm
First off, suicide is definitely not the answer. It sounds like your family is pretty shitty to you. Do you have some friends that you can stay with? Or maybe even go to social services and talk to them about getting yourself into a different living situation. Either way, the environment is not good for you and you need to get out of it. Also, maybe go see a counselor of some sort to talk to.
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Posted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 5:31 pm
I agre that there is no more CPS can do for you. I do not agree with suicide though. At least not at this point when you still have things to live for. Try telling yourself that you won't be in that house forever. It is NOT an eternal hell. If you can make it through I assure you that everything else in life will seem so much better and brighter. Like a prisoner who has not seen sun for a very long time and then finally walks out into the sunlight. You still have so much more to live for and trust me. Just because you can't see the sun right now doesn't mean it has disappeared. There are people who care for you that you don't notice. If you can't live for the future then live for those who love you.
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