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 Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 1:09 am
size=9]I just... ahg. I just wrote this out in a notebook, but it really didn't help and I just need to tell someone. I don't care if you have any advice. I just need to know that somebody has read this. I'm sorry if it comes out sort of incoherant, that's how I feel right now. And I'm going to wall-of-text you.
I need to feel alive. I hate being thirteen and living in [omitted. But it's a boring place, I promise.]. I hate sitting here doing nothing. I hate roleplaying and reading. It's all fake. I hate being an escapist. I need emotions. Strong, lose-yourself-to-it emotions. Not even just happiness. Sadness, anger, anything as long as it's ALIVE. I need something to tell me I'm real, tell me that I'm not going to wake up dead someday and not even be able to tell the difference. I'm depressed and hate my life, but at the same time, I love it and I feel so... blissful to be here. I hate this place. I need to leave, and never come back. But I can't. No... it's not just living here. I could live in NYC for all it would matter... I guess I'm saying I want to be in love- to have someone who could make me feel. Angry, happy, anything. Just... ah. Is something wrong with me? Maybe. But I don't care. That's my problem. I need to care. I want to cry, and I do. But at the same time, I don't want to and I don't. So much has happened this year. I left most of my friends behind, my grandpa died, my parents got divorced, I moved. And it made me feel. But now... I don't count this as living. I feel like I'm dead. I need to tell someone Not my mom, I trust her, but... This is too much ME. My truest and deepest ME. I want distance from her. I do not want her to compleatly know me or be me. I want to be my own person. Not even my closest friend, just because I don't know how to bring it up. I seem like a happy person. I normally AM a happy person. I don't know what's going on. There's only one person that I KNOW I could trust AND she would understand. But of course I have to way of contacting her. I just need for someone, anyone, out there to know that I'm here and that I hurt.
Thanks for reading that- it was basically just a brain dump. I thought it, I wrote it. I hope someone understands what's happening, because I don't. Maybe it's because it's one in the morning, maybe I'm randomly PMSing, maybe it's because of this book that I just read. But I just need someone to know how I feel.
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Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 12:33 pm
Your situation is tough because you're thirteen... All you can do is make friends.... Because I don't really know you in person, it makes it really hard to help you too.... All I can say is you've gotta put yourself out there. Try to make new friends, or hang around a popular place in your area. believe me, you might get lucky, and maybe you'll meet some interesting people.
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Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 11:04 am
I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm being insensitive, but oh well.
You're thirteen.
I live in one of the most boring places ever and I have for years, and most of that time I haven't had any friends. I read all the time and sit by myself in my room because it's annoying to deal with my family.
But, I know why I do that, and I'm not sitting here complaining about it to people in the guild.
If you really feel like that, find somebody in real life to talk to, then maybe you won't feel so lonely.
Like I said earlier, you're thirteen. It's not like this is the end of your life, you still have plenty of time to enjoy yourself, if you wallow in self-pity all the time you're only going to remember your younger days as painful.
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Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 9:18 pm
I bet writing that brain dump and getting it all out there probably made you feel something. :] It's hard when you're young and therefore have little control over where you live or your daily schedule, but writing may prove to offer an escape from all that you cannot control to a world that you create and control in it's entiety.
If you want to feel joyful, write about your idea of a perfect day. You say you want to cry? Write about a loved one dying or how you would feel if diagnosed with a terminal disease. It might sound a bit morose, but you will feel something.
I hope that helps a bit. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk about anything. ^^;;
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Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 1:14 pm
I agree with kk.
pm me if you ever want to talk.
i was going through the same thing at one time.
Good luck. 13 is an extreamly hard age! Hang in there girl!
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Posted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 3:59 am
Thanks for the advice.
And I'm 14 now, my b-day's July 25th. ^___^
I would do another "brain dump"- yes, it did make me feel at least a little better. =] - because of some recent stuff, but I would feel too whiney to rant anymore.
I do have a question, though. Is there a way that I can let a friend know that I'm there for her, without actually saying that? Because she knows that if something really, really terrible would happen, I could be there. But the problem is that I think she's really depressed but she's discounting it as "unimportant" so she doesn't say anything. But I know that she's going through with some crap with her mom, and it's really hard on her. But I think she might get mad if I bring that up, so... I also can't talk to her face-to-face because she lives halfway across the country... The soonest I'll see her in person is winter break.
It turned out to be another wall o' text. >.> Sorry, I don't mean to ramble.
I had more to say (another paragraph, in fact, but I deleted it.) but I think I can deal without it posted here. =/
Also, sorry to bring this up, but the irony of this amuses me:
"I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm being insensitive, but oh well."
whee
Wasn't meant to be offensive at all, I just found it funny. =P
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Posted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 10:00 am
Quasi Intellectual Thanks for the advice.
And I'm 14 now, my b-day's July 25th. ^___^
I would do another "brain dump"- yes, it did make me feel at least a little better. =] - because of some recent stuff, but I would feel too whiney to rant anymore.
I do have a question, though. Is there a way that I can let a friend know that I'm there for her, without actually saying that? Because she knows that if something really, really terrible would happen, I could be there. But the problem is that I think she's really depressed but she's discounting it as "unimportant" so she doesn't say anything. But I know that she's going through with some crap with her mom, and it's really hard on her. But I think she might get mad if I bring that up, so... I also can't talk to her face-to-face because she lives halfway across the country... The soonest I'll see her in person is winter break.
It turned out to be another wall o' text. >.> Sorry, I don't mean to ramble.
I had more to say (another paragraph, in fact, but I deleted it.) but I think I can deal without it posted here. =/
Also, sorry to bring this up, but the irony of this amuses me:
"I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm being insensitive, but oh well."
whee Wasn't meant to be offensive at all, I just found it funny. =P
Well then, happy belated birthday! :]
I personally think you should let her know specifically that you're there for her. I often have that problem where I'm feeling down or upset about something, but I deem it "unimportant" and therefore don't talk about with anyone. When I do feel like that I often wish that someone would ask me what the problem is and just listen. So, I can say from a first hand account, that letting her know you support her would make her feel better than anything. If you're worried that she doesn't feel comfortable talking about her issues than just start off the conversation by saying "I understand competely if you don't want to talk about anything right now, but I just wanted you to know that I'm avaliable if you ever want to."
There, now you've done what you can do, and it's up to her what's she wants to do next.
P.S. - Wall o' texts are fine. :]
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Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 4:45 pm
i remember being 13 and feeling the same way, you just have to figure out who you are, become that person and really people will start liking you for who you are, just because your real
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 11:44 am
I'm 15 and a half and trust me i live in a area you can party all the time and there's always something to do but trust me i don't do anything and i live in a lively area and i have it alot worse than you seriously.
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