The title says it all. I now carry around a tape recorder because I need to remind myself of the morals I learn on an everyday basis, as well as a understanding of my psyche. A shorter way of saying this is: I understand myself through episodes of my life regularly. One example was this one time I went to set Say Anything's "...Is a Real Boy" at record and tape traders.

Background: R&T Traders is about 4 to five miles away, down busy city streets. It's all downhill the way there, all uphill back to my house, well mostly... I called in advance and the clerk said that they had a new CD for 11.99 and a used one for 7.99. I also had a club card that gives my one dollar off every purchase.

So, I bike down there with ten dollars in my pocket, and i go to the 'S' section. I didn't see the used one, so I asked at the desk and the clerk looked in the back. But it wasn't there. All they had was the $11.99, new CD.

Crap. I asked him for a dollar, because with my club card it came down to 10.99. He wouldn't give it to me, and he wouldn't let me solicit in the store. I walked out to my bike that was tied to a sign, and sat there for a minute, just pondering. A group of college students passed by and I though of begging, and I almost did. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Finally, an old black guy walking a dog passed me, but then sat down at a table near my bike. I looked at him and asked,

"Hey, would you sell your dignity for something you really wanted?"

He told me, "Son, nothing's worth selling your dignity".

The clerk came outside, laughing. He told me he was just jacking me, he would pay for it. After I got inside, he told me my card was expired, and with tax, the total was 12.48 (i think thats what it was, I'm not sure). Anyway, he paid for the rest and I left to pedal up to my house. But it got me thinking.

I am in love with a girl that lives in Virginia, while I live in Maryland. I see her for three weeks every year. What would I give up to be with her? It's just like, "Would I give up my dignity for a CD I really wanted? (and I'm a musician, I love music)."

I'm not sure about much in my life. Nothing's definite.

Anyway, that's what 'twill be like. Comments/suggestions/questions?