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 Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 10:19 pm
I don't know whats happening. All of a sudden, I've lost all of my friends. They're all gone in their own world. I'm thankful to have 2 friends, one of them being my boyfriend, but I just can't help but always feel like a fat, pathetic, friendless loser. My mom and dad look down upon me as an ungrateful disappointment. My mom think's I'm a whore because of this one night where I got caught sleeping in a car with a boy at 3 am. Even though we were fully clothed, doing nothing but listening to music, a little kissing, and we were about to fall asleep, I really do understand why I've completely lost her trust. My best friend's are all busy off in their own world. One of them is still a great friend when we hang out on rare occasion, but the other one just takes any opportunity she has to point out how much i've changed, how selfish and spoiled i am, how i never think about anyone elses feelings. When i was drinking at my boyfriends house, my friend had his knife with him (he collects knives, and there's this one cool one he keeps with him at all times) so I took it upstairs while I was really drunk and upset and for a few seconds I just wanted to end it all and die on his bathroom floor. Thankfully, he followed me and immediately opened the door and took the knife away from me, but it scared me. I was so intent on just killing myself right there. I don't remember being too suicidal. I remember thinking about it every so often but that was the first real time I was like "Here we go. I should die. Right now."
I cut too much.
I complain to my only friends too much.
And I drink too much.
I just can't cope with emotions too well, and I'm worried I'll try to kill myself again. It's just so tempting sometimes. Right now I feel so pathetic, just sitting in my dark room fondling a knife crying.
I don't exactly know what advice I'm looking for, but any helpful words, or just words in general would be nice.
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Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 11:26 pm
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Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 9:14 am
I've felt the same exact way before.
I know how you feel: Hopeless,scared,disturbed by your own thoughts and feelings.....
But one way or another,you get through it. Most people with this problem in their past don't even know how they did it, but they did.
Look at the future,what do you see?If you are not satified with this picture-
Place something new in it! give yourself something to look forward to,and know that you can just ride it out.
Also-PUT THE KNIVES AWAY!
I've been caught with knives against my wrists before,its like I don't even realize what I'm doing-like a trance almost...its scary. But keep knives out of your reach.
Third- Find a new hobby. Some people/colleges offer classes for pottery,designing apparel ,computers,instruments-You name it.
You might make new friends along the way!
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Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 11:02 am
I love to draw. I used to be a really good artist, but I haven't drawn in a while.
Maybe I'll get out my sketch book and get back into that. I'm just scared, and I know the one friend I talk to about it is scared, because his friend tried to kill himself before so he's always really paranoid about it. I hate how I scare him, because I'm afraid I'm going to scare him away.
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:50 am
I have tried several times to kill myself and from experance I know that if someone is truly your friend they will not hate you for wanting to kill yourself. I have a friend who has talked me out of sucide so many times that its not even funny.
My advise is to find another way to get rid of your emotions such as kickboxing.
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 12:34 pm
I'm in sixth grade and I triend to kill myself. I wasn't happy with my grades,
my parents were giving my siblings all the attention, and I was having bf/
friend problems. Typical teen problems, right? Well, I can name 20 people
with those problems, and zero of them tried to kill themselves. I wasn't
even sure how to go about it. Sliting my wrists was too painful, meds too
bothersome, so I was going to suffocate myself. Dumb, right? Then, I
decided that no matter what was wrong in life, it wasn't worth death. If I
were happy all the time, I'd be a talkshow host. But I'm not; I'm a human.
And so are all of you. We can't expect to be perfect! Not for a moment! Sure,
we've all made mistakes, some worse than others. But we didn't commite
suicide. We made it through. Find a club to do. We can all stop. I know; I
probably sound like a cheap therapist. But I'm seirious! No matter how bad it
gets, keep going on!! You ever heard that Avril Lavigne song? *stiffles a
laugh* "Keep Going On"? Do what that song says!! Lol. But, in all seiriously.
Keep going at it. Don't kill yourself. We aren't idiots, or fat slobs, (actually,
people say I'm anorexic) or pathetic loosers. Friends, no matter how many,
will give you support. Just ask.
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Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 7:52 am
xxPullxthexTriggerxx I don't know whats happening. All of a sudden, I've lost all of my friends. They're all gone in their own world. I'm thankful to have 2 friends, one of them being my boyfriend, but I just can't help but always feel like a fat, pathetic, friendless loser. My mom and dad look down upon me as an ungrateful disappointment. My mom think's I'm a whore because of this one night where I got caught sleeping in a car with a boy at 3 am. Even though we were fully clothed, doing nothing but listening to music, a little kissing, and we were about to fall asleep, I really do understand why I've completely lost her trust. My best friend's are all busy off in their own world. One of them is still a great friend when we hang out on rare occasion, but the other one just takes any opportunity she has to point out how much i've changed, how selfish and spoiled i am, how i never think about anyone elses feelings. When i was drinking at my boyfriends house, my friend had his knife with him (he collects knives, and there's this one cool one he keeps with him at all times) so I took it upstairs while I was really drunk and upset and for a few seconds I just wanted to end it all and die on his bathroom floor. Thankfully, he followed me and immediately opened the door and took the knife away from me, but it scared me. I was so intent on just killing myself right there. I don't remember being too suicidal. I remember thinking about it every so often but that was the first real time I was like "Here we go. I should die. Right now." I cut too much. I complain to my only friends too much. And I drink too much. I just can't cope with emotions too well, and I'm worried I'll try to kill myself again. It's just so tempting sometimes. Right now I feel so pathetic, just sitting in my dark room fondling a knife crying. I don't exactly know what advice I'm looking for, but any helpful words, or just words in general would be nice. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was in this state before. And I actually tried to kill myself in SCHOOL. I don't have friends at all in school or in my old school. My only friends is people online and I don't even know if they're predators or not. You need to suck it up. That's good that you let yourself out 'cause if you didn't, you would've been depressed. I had to get phycologist, therapists, and I needed to go to the hospital just because of what I did. Just calm down and think of all the good days and trust me you CAN and you WILL relive those good days. Remember the 2 friends (including your boyfriend) that stood by your side when everyone else left you. Or you can just sit in your house and watch TV to get your mind off of it. Try letting someone hide the knives and dangerous s**t in your house. Hang out with your 2 friends and forget the others like how they forgot you. Don't let losing friends and crap like that get under your skin and mess your life up. They're probaly in depression right now but don't worry about, okay? I don't know if my words helped but don't EVER let something or someone get under your skin and try to make YOU commit suicide and kill yourself when you can probaly in the future be living the finest life you've ever. Once again, I don't know if they helped or not but hope they do.
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Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 11:20 pm
I too, have been there many times. I know how you feel, I have been going through severe depression for many years now, and it is really hard. There are times when you just want to give up, and you reach that point, wether it is sudden or not, where you just dont give a s**t and want to end it. What I have done is whenever I have wanted to kill myself, I just evaluated the things in my life, and if there was something or someone that stood out in my mind, I made myself want to live for that thing or person. There is not one family member of mine that I want to live for, or a personal possesion, but I do have someone who makes me want to live and see him again, and that is enough to keep me on this piece of s**t earth. It also helps to try and do things to keep you busy or out of the house. *nods* I try to find something around the house to occupy my time or sleep. I know you can find something too, maybe something better than sleep neh? ^^ And dont worry about the cutting, people make too big of a deal about it. It (for me at least, with everyone it is different) is a release of pent up emotions or stress, and it makes me feel better. And drinking isnt bad either, as long as you are responsible, I have learned many a lesson from irrisponsible drinking sweatdrop . And dont worry about not having friends, you will always have people around you that care about you. I mean, I dont even know you, and I am concerned for you, because you are going through some of what I am going through, and I wouldnt wish that on anybody. Ok? We are all here for you, and if you ever want to talk to somebody, pm ok? You can vent with me anytime. ^^
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Posted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 9:52 am
xxPullxthexTriggerxx I love to draw. I used to be a really good artist, but I haven't drawn in a while. Maybe I'll get out my sketch book and get back into that. I'm just scared, and I know the one friend I talk to about it is scared, because his friend tried to kill himself before so he's always really paranoid about it. I hate how I scare him, because I'm afraid I'm going to scare him away. That's a great idea, take drawing back up! At this point you just need something to help you get through the tough times. If you love drawing so much, imagine yourself being some sort of artist, maybe for a magazine, or drawing illustrations for a book in the future. It helps, trust me ^^ As Angel said, you need something to look forward to.
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Posted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 4:36 pm
yes, take drawing back up If you get depressed.
Think of how you are feeling when you're depressed and draw it, thats what I do, if are frustrated draw that, if you're sad, draw that....helps me vent a little of my emotions.
And as others have said think of something you can live for! My poor little puppy is called rat mutt and a bunch of names from the rest of my family, I know my family would just get rid of her if I died so I live to keep my puppy away from pounds.
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 5:22 pm
xxPullxthexTriggerxx I love to draw. I used to be a really good artist, but I haven't drawn in a while. Maybe I'll get out my sketch book and get back into that. I'm just scared, and I know the one friend I talk to about it is scared, because his friend tried to kill himself before so he's always really paranoid about it. I hate how I scare him, because I'm afraid I'm going to scare him away.
Think of one thing you adore. Express it with art.
You may think its weird, but it can work.
It just lightens you up.
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 5:22 pm
tsuki no kage uta yes, take drawing back up If you get depressed. Think of how you are feeling when you're depressed and draw it, thats what I do, if are frustrated draw that, if you're sad, draw that....helps me vent a little of my emotions. And as others have said think of something you can live for! My poor little puppy is called rat mutt and a bunch of names from the rest of my family, I know my family would just get rid of her if I died so I live to keep my puppy away from pounds. Agreed.
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Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 2:29 pm
I've tried killing myself many times, then i realized as long as you have one person in your life that tells you they love you and tries to stop you, that's all you need to keep going on. My boyfriend is that for me and your's can be too. As long as one person cares for you, your life is worth living no matter how horrible it seems. My home life and school life suck and it seems like every minute of my day is filled with crappy drama. But i've got someone i can go to who loves me no matter what. And like i said, that's all you really need in life.
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Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 3:40 pm
I have tried to off myself too, so, as you know, you're not alone.
Just do something you used to love to do and do it, try to think positive things (I know its hard) and maybe even get some help from parents or a school counceler...
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Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 8:28 pm
find something that makes you happy like drawing, gymnastics, dance anything. and work till you get relly good. this will help your self esteem and im tellin u u wont believe it cuz i didnt but things WILL get batter
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