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1. Thou shalt not post pornographic material.

There is a common misconception that pornography is limited purely to images or textual descriptions of an explicit sexual nature. This is not the case. Anything that can evoke impure thoughts in the mind of the beholder is pornographic.
2. Thou shalt not post hateful material.

Any material that promotes or inspires hatred or violence towards any other person or group of people is strictly forbidden.
3. Thou shalt not post blasphemous material.

Any material that would lead one astray from the righteous path of the one true God must not be permitted on the Internet. These days children are gaining access to the Internet at younger and younger ages—a time when they are most vulnerable and susceptible to blasphemous viewpoints and suggestions.
4. Thou shalt not post materials of an offensive political nature.
5. Thou shalt not post materials concerning bestiality, including interracial relationships.

God did not intend for different species or races to intermingle sexually. Any content that contradicts this natural law, directly or indirectly, is strictly forbidden.

To: The Net Authority
From: Cougar Draven
Re: Your Website

To Whom it may Concern:

I have been browsing through your fine website recently, having found
a link to it on one of the godless forums I frequently visit, and I
must say, you are doing a fine job. In fact, your website makes me
think that maybe if I quit listening to my devil rock and rap, and
stopped having thought of premarital sex with my girlfriend, I might
possibly be able to clean up my life, and move ahead, with the grace
of God.

Before I leave the logical depths of despair for the ultimate glory of
being one of God's mindless sheep, however, I do have a few questions.
I'll start with your Acceptable Use Policy.

"1. Thou shalt not post pornographic material.

There is a common misconception that pornography is limited purely
to images or textual descriptions of an explicit sexual nature. This
is not the case. Anything that can evoke impure thoughts in the mind
of the beholder is pornographic."

Well, what exactly is an impure thought? Is it a thought of murder, of
sexual relations, or is it simply a thought not of God? For if it is
such, why, wouldn't the Internet itself be in violation of this rule,
since not all sites can always proffer God. Money must be made, you
know.

I do agree with your second point, so I'll move on to the third.

"3. Thou shalt not post blasphemous material.

Any material that would lead one astray from the righteous path of
the one true God must not be permitted on the Internet. These days
children are gaining access to the Internet at younger and younger
ages—a time when they are most vulnerable and susceptible to
blasphemous viewpoints and suggestions."

What of other Gods? Can you provide proof that these other gods are
not real, and that your "one true God" is?

"4. Thou shalt not post materials of an offensive political nature."

What is an offensive political nature?

"5 Thou shalt not post materials concerning bestiality, including
interracial relationships.

God did not intend for different species or races to intermingle
sexually. Any content that contradicts this natural law, directly or
indirectly, is strictly forbidden."

I am afraid that I will require proof of any "natural law" in the
Bible strictly prohibiting interracial couples. I have read the Bible
in the past, front to back and back to front again, and I have seen
nothing of this nature.

I wish I had the time to continue this questionnaire, but I must
adjourn, as I am quite exhausted from writing blasphemous things
against God's will, and I must sleep, so that I may concoct new plans
to subvert the Christian way of life. Please, respond quickly, that I
may turn away from my heathen lifestyle, and accept God into my heart.

Sincerely,

Cougar Draven