Welcome to Gaia! ::

I'd like to take some time to let you all know about a new movement that I, along with a close-knit circle of friends, have initiated. It seems that over the years, in all of the clamoring for and against gay rights, gun control, censorship, and religion, we seem to have forgotten our cause the real issues that lie just on our plates and beyond the breadsticks.

Of course, I'm talking about PISS: People for the Inalienable Superiority of Spaghetti (and other pasta).

We here at PISS are a collective of like-minded individuals working for the protection and public awareness of pasta's rights. Over all of our central doctrines and tenets, we focus our attention and operate on one in particular:

PASTA IS PEOPLE TOO.

Think about that next time you're about to sit down and enjoy that next mouth-watering plate of spaghetti. Keep it in mind during that big corporate dinner at your local Italian restaurant with your business buddies. If you get some on your necktie, consider it a time for a relentless, guild-inducing moral inventory of yourself.

So... what are you living for if you're not out fighting for our cause pasta's rights? With your help, we can bomb shut down those evil Italian restaurants for good. Get out there and make a difference, soldier!

For more information, contact:

Oregon Smithton
P.O. Box #####
########, ## #####

If you wish to challenge our central doctrine that pasta is people too, feel free to start a long, involved, useless debate on the issue. We won't actually change our minds, but we'll at least give you the satisfaction to think that you've won.

Here are some possible topics for debate to get you started:

1. Interpasta marriage
   
2. Gay pasta marriage
   
3. Pasta control
   
4. We're right and you're wrong
   
5. Our friends at the Lasagna Liberation Front
   
6. Pocket Pasta Resolution No. 69
   
7. Guacamole
   

Interpasta marriage: The only probem with your statement is that if baked ziti and lasagna ever came together, the sanctity of pasta marriage would be ruined forever! But never mind the drive-thru Italian restaurants and pasta divorce management offices spread across the country. They're just sacred enough to get by.

Gay pasta marriage: See last comment.

Pasta control: It's a proven fact that less pasta leads to the rise of black markets less pasta consumption. Besides, need I mention the similarity between penises and "noodles?"

We're right and you're wrong: Good. You're either with us or against us.

Our friends at the Lasagna Liberation Front: Neither do I. Conceded.

Pocket Pasta Resolution No. 69: No comeback. Conceded.

Guacamole: Good point. Conceded.

Interpasta marriage: Like I said, it ruins the sanctity of traditional marriage - pasta and sauce. Wouldn't want to change a long record of stagnation traditional values, would you?

Gay pasta marriage: That's what gay pasta wants you to think. Gay pasta is incapable of love; it's all part of the American Linguine Federation's attempt to desensitize us to the horrors of gay pasta sex! Notwithstanding the wild gay pasta orgies that happen on thousands of pasta plates served every day.

Pasta control: Like I said before, less pasta leads to less pasta-related crime and consumption. We especially don't want our plan of action to fall into the hands of the gay pasta conspiracy.

We're right and you're wrong: If you agree with us, then why are you thinking, comrade? There's absolutely no need to confuse yourself with "thoughts" and "ideas." Leave the thinking to the unqualified us.

Our friends at the Lasagna Liberation Front: Not exactly; they don't really have hands, so every dedicated meatball operator receives special assistance from a gay noodle special assistants.

Pocket Pasta Resolution No. 69: Then you'll probably like Pocket Pathogens as well.

Guacamole: I had some today. Not bad. The green food's okay, but all the blue food has been stolen by the leader of the subversive gay pasta movement.

Interpasta marriage: Actually, pasta marriage is sacred only if we say it is. We get to make up the rules Do not persecute us.

We're right and you're wrong: You would do well to do so. Go freely, citizen.

Our friends at the Lasagna Liberation Front: Actually, that's been quite a problem lately. We haven't really had much luck finding qualified meatballs that would readily elp. Quite a few of them had an arrogant "I-can-do-it-myself" attitude and refused to be helped. As of late, we seem to have a surplus of special noodles who are willing to help. Problem is, there's no one for them TO help.

Pocket Pasta Resolution No. 69 (Pocket Pathogens): Glad to hear it. =D

Interpasta marriage: No pasta is pure. Remember that time in the Olive Garden when Manicotti and Penne disobeyed Lord Fettucine? I rest my case.

Gay pasta marriage: Lasagna a la Diabla, anyone?

Pasta control: Simple: set up some fake businesses for them to "protect."

Pocket Pasta Resolution No. 69: Where are you getting your information from? Haven't you heard that we plan to send in a small yeast brigade and expand from the inside? The civilians have nothing to worry about unless Grease decides to get involved. They just can't stand up to the influence of fatty acids and LDL cholesterol! ********' Greaks.

Guacamole: Like vomit. Yum yum.