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 Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 7:44 pm
Endless woke up with a start, a choked and silent scream trying to whisper past his lips before he clamped his jaws. If kitsusagi could sweat, he'd be cold and drenched right now.
He'd been having strange dreams ever since the new moon. He hadn't dared to speak of them to Lily. It was too important that she not know. His nightmares weren't meant to sway her happiness, and most of the time when he was awake he didn't even think about them. He was too lost in the bliss of being with her.
Today, though, he'd been sleepy and gone to take a nap while Lily was away at her potions class, and maybe it was not having her here that triggered it... he wasn't sure. But this time...
He was walking down a long road. At first it was he and Lily and Edward together, and then he gave Lily a rose. Lily looked confused and Edward glared at him. They walked for a while, Lily's steps becoming shorter and shorter as though she dreaded going forward anymore, and then she whispered something to Edward and he walked away. For a while just he and Lily walked together, and at first her steps seemed once more sure but they grew uncertain again. And then Edward came back from a different branch of the road, and Lily went to Edward, casting an apologetic look back to him. He watched them leave, wanting to say something, not knowing what... and then he just walked on down the road. But suddenly the road became shrowded in shadows, and when he turned around, any way he looked everything was black. And the black slowly crept in toward him until it engulfed him as well, and even he was black...
There were no more stars.
He didn't even want to think about what that might mean... and he wanted Lily to come back and tell him it was all right. He felt afraid like a kit not wanting to be alone in the dark without a nightlight.
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Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 9:58 am
Liliana apparated into Endless' room, to the spot she had lain while sharing tea with him and his mother. Her heart was both light and heavy. A decidedly odd feeling. The winged female did not look forward to what she had come to say, to do. It was unfair, unkind, and in truth it went away from herself -even if the full extent of that self she was still discovering.
Endless looked asleep, and she could not say for certain if he was or not. Green eyes regarded the beautiful night sky pelt, wondering not for the first time how someone had not found Endless and fallen in love with him before Lily had met him. He was good, kind, sweet, romantic, handsome, and adored her. Everything she would have thought she wanted had she thought to want it. But when it came down to it... as much as she loved him... Endless had not permeated her being to where she could not live without him.
And after their time together since her 'choice' ... it pained her to realize it was so. Worse, to have to tell him. Worse, knowing how much more it would hurt him now than had she chosen different before.
But would it have been better to have her heart slowly leach away from him through time? To think of another while they lay together?
Liliana padded softly over to the bed. No words she could think of would be gentle enough. None could possibly ease the pain. None jumped out saying 'use me' or anything that simple. At an angle to him she slowly lay down, resting her head on his, chin between his ears as he so often had been doing to her lately. After their time together recently she could not simply stand back, and besides something told her this much might be all right and perhaps even helpful. Lily hoped it was right. In a voice that was soft & sad but sure and determined Liliana whispered his name just loud enough to see if he was awake. "Endless?"
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Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 2:26 pm
There will be no more stars.
He wasn't an empath the way Atae was... but he understood people. And there was something about Lily that resonated in his inner self; maybe it was the phoenix. But be it something about her footsteps... something in the way she lay next to him that seemed uncertain... something in her voice...
He felt a pain in the core of his being like he'd never known before, and after that dream, he couldn't say it was only what Lily had come to do that hurt so.
There was no way to disguise the pain in his voice, though whether or not the resignation found there came as a suprise he would not know. "You made up your mind, then, beloved?" She was still his beloved... she still would be for some time, though he would not call her that unless they were alone. "I hoped... but I had a feeling... I guess I knew it wasn't meant to be. It was nice, though... while it lasted." He had not moved... he wasn't sure if he could right now.
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Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 8:31 pm
Liliana said nothing for a good length of time. Accustomed as she was to telepaths and empaths and otherwise having others know something she said or felt before sometimes she realized it herself, Liliana was not prepared for such a display of talent from Endless., though she had suspected he had known. It was one thing to suspect... another to have been correct in such a thing. Simultaneously she was oddly relieved: his understanding saved her from stumbling inadequately as she tried to find the least painful words. Or rather since anything she said at this juncture with the changing of her initial decision would hurt, finding the words that were perhaps less callous.
Yet he had given her a way around all that. Her heart ached for him, seeing and understanding the extent of Endless' love for her. A tear fell from her eyes, moist as they had become; crying because she still could let him go. "Yes."
So simple, the word to break a heart. If any of those involved or caring for either boy hated her for what she had put them through she could not deny them that right or even argue a case in her favor.Liliana hated herself for the extra pain her indecisive 'decisiveness' had wrought.
'I'm sorry' simply was not enough, but as her ears fell limp to her head splaying over the tips of his..."I'm sorry."
It sounded pathetic in her own ears, even as sincere and truly heartfelt as the apology was. "It was nice..."
A soft sigh rolled from within her petite frame, green eyes closing. "I... thought you might know... or have a feeling or something, Endless. I... it was not going to go away. I... see that now."
Would he understand, that she thought this might save him greater pain later? Would such a thing really matter, in the face of the pain here & now? "I had hoped... to stand by my choice... I just did not see... I didn't see first." How he was already part of me...
It was odd, Endless not moving. And yet she could understand why he did not. Comprehend at least. Lily was still not the best with knowing that which was learned outside books or a classroom. But she was getting a crash course.
The winged female, remained where she was, offering what last trace of support she could. She still loved and cared for him. If he had more to say or ask of her, Liliana felt she must stay for those moments more to give him a chance to ask them and for her to respond. Much longer would not be fair. For him. She had unintentionally led him on enough.
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Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 8:56 pm
 "It was... little ways you acted, beloved. How nervous you were sometimes, on the new moon or when we talked about it. The way you were nervous. And the way your eyes always drifted to look at something not here..." He shifted enough to turn an eye toward the pendant she wore as he tapped at it with a claw. "The way you couldn't bear not to wear that."
There was a smile on his face... a sad smile, yes, infinitely so, and yet at the same time a sort of triumphant pride resided there. Hurt though he was he was proud of her after a fashion... for recognizing the truth, no matter how much it pained them both. She couldn't have been happy otherwise. Neither of them could. "I'm glad... you figured out what you really wanted, beloved. Even if it wasn't me. I'm glad I didn't ask you to go ahead... I would have hated myself later. I probably would have known for sure... eventually, that you still loved him more. At least we can still be friends this way."
They could still be friends... she would always be his very dear friend. And very briefly perhaps, she was more... but it really wasn't meant to be. He wasn't sure whether he'd been fooling himself all along or if this was just a recent realization. But there were some things... he couldn't go to her for comfort with now. He was going to have to find another way to deal with this new sorrow.
His eyes closed and he let out a long, shaky sigh. "You two are welcome here, still... both of you. I... might not be able to watch you together, for a while. I'm sorry. But I know the girls would like to see you both." His sad smile turned slightly bemused. "I wonder what Bryna will say when she finds out Ed isn't leaving."
He rolled over then, slowly, and drew her close to hug her fiercely. His throat was too choked with emotion to form words now, but... to put it in the simplest terms, he needed a hug from her right now. Finally he let her go and curled up on the cushion. "I... would you help me get to sleep?" Grown though he was he felt very small right now, and even visibally seemed to have deflated somehow. "I didn't tell you but I haven't been sleeping well the last few nights..."
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Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 10:44 pm
Perhaps she should have been surprised he was taking the news so well. Well... all things considered. But this was Endless... which seemed to sum everything up and not surprise her at all.
Lily listened with silent wonder as he spoke of how he had seen... how he had likely concluded how she felt before she had. It was... humbling. Green eyes followed his silvery orbs as he tapped the symbol, surprised that she had missed something so obvious. She smiled tearily at Endless, impressed by his skills, moved by his understanding, grateful for everything he said. It... made this difficult thing somehow easier. If only a little.
There was so much she could say... but it seemed Endless understood any reasonings she had discovered better than she did. Especially as he spoke of knowing for sure later, of hating himself... Liliana would much rather hate herself then be the cause of Endless hating himself.
"Of course we're still friends." She said with soft tenderness, relief seeping into her words. Of course Endless would not wish to see them together. Ed would not have the other way. It was ... surreal. Yet it still made sense. Or maybe her mind was finally beginning to clear. She wondered how Atae would take this: all the pain Liliana was causing. Her immature waffling. Ed was her friend, End a brother/father... And her cousin... so very attached to her 'Nii-chan'...
A soft meep of surprise escaped her even though Endless moved slowly to embrace her. A flash of 'should I be doing this', then she was hugging him back. Endless was her friend, how could she not give him the hug he so clearly needed? Liliana was not her baby brother, she was not tuned to other's emotions or body language. But even she could read that much.
At his request the crimson female went thoughtful. Sorrow and pain with a trace of guild crinkled her brow to hear End had not been sleeping well. Tentatively she curled around him, lightly close. "I will stay until you're asleep, Endless. Then I should go." Her words were soft, quiet, but not quite a whisper. "I can leave you some sleeping potions for later with instructions. Dreamless sleep, though until they wear off the sleeper is hard to wake."
Sighing softly Lily lay her head on her paws, listening to Endless' breathing as she willed him to sleep and sleep restful. Having recently woken she was not even drowsy and so settled into her thoughts. Concern and curiosity nudged her to ask why Endless was not sleeping... why he had not let her know before. Perhaps it was prudence that decided that if he had not told her then it was unkind of her to ask of it now. Especially when there was more than a chance the reason was her.
She would wait until he was asleep, leave her sleeping potions with a note of instructions, then return to where Edward waited for her. And hopefully... sooner or later things would work out in the end.
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Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 12:26 am
Endless had used his words up for the time being... at least the ones that wouldn't come out with tears. He wasn't going to cry in front of Lily... this was difficult enough. So when she mentioned the sleeping potions he just nodded.
He wished so badly to curl up around her to sleep but knew he couldn't. Knew doing so would just make this so much more painful for both of them. So he was content with as close as she got and rested his head on his paws.
He wished... he could say so many things, but either he didn't know how or he knew it wouldn't be appropriate right now. Everything just made him feel so tired right now... even his unease - perhaps even terror - at the dream he'd had not long before Lily came could budge his sudden weariness. But having Lily near... even if not as near as he would like and about as near as he was ever likely to have her again... Her presense was a comfort and it actually took very little time for him to drift back into slumber. For once a mercifully blank slumber.
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Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 9:17 am
Lily could not know the things Endless did not tell her, though she suspected on some level that he was taking care of her once again. Perhaps someday they could snuggle again as they had before. Not while there had been a chance at them certainly... but the closeness of friends before this had all begun. To be closer now, well it would be fair to no one. Not that any of this was fair...
The winged female sighed softly as she felt Endless drift to sleep, waiting long moments to be certain he was fast in slumber. Only then did Lily dare to lightly nuzzle his cheek before withdrawing. With a heavy sigh she pulled two flasks of the sleeping potion from her bag. Then a magical quill, setting it to write directions for the potions: one tablespoon for each hour of uninterrupted, dreamless sleep; with a warning only to use it in places of safety.
Then, almost as an afterthought, Liliana took out her communicator from her ear and set it before her statue, adding to the note use and function -should he ever have need of it.
With one long glance over the handsome starry pelt of her sleeping friend Liliana blew a soft kiss goodbye and disapparated.
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