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 Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 8:42 pm
Well, it's time I got into writing myself a short biography. So here it is: Background I grew up in a Catholic household in a generic-variety small town. Went to a catholic school and the like. the Paranormal the paranormal first caught my attention shortly after my cousin died. I was rather torn by his demise and turned my back on the church. Like those who has lost faith, I turned to the darker areas of my world. I studied Satanism in some of it's forms. Then I got introduced to magic, psionics and various other occult practices. Psionics a little hesitant to plunge into magic, psionics was my first experimentation. It was during this period I discovered my skills of precognition, psychometry, and remote viewing. And later on, telekinesis and telepathy. Magic(k) my first step into magick was affirmations, followed by a "will power" ritual. Both of them aimed at making me a werewolf. Both of these were done rather rashly and without any study into what exactly the hell magic was. So after those attempts, I laid back for a while. Reading different stuff online. Before buying a book on Wicca, which didn't help either. I turned to other books, with the same fault. So eventually I just sat myself down and thought about it, with success. Spirituality I've given my own beliefs some thought, and I've come up with my own creed: Quote: I believe. I believe in magic. I believe in psionics. I believe in that which is above. I believe in that which is below. I believe in that which is before me. I believe in that which is behind me. I believe in that which is beside me. I believe in the strength of the heart. I believe in the strength of the body. I believe in the strength of the soul. I believe in the strength of the mind. I believe in me. I believe in the magic inside me. I believe in the psychic power inside me. I believe that which is above me is within me. I believe that which is below me is within me. I believe that which is before me is within me. I believe that which is behind me is within me. I believe that which is beside me is within me. I believe in the strength of my heart. I believe in the strength of my body. I believe in the strength of my soul. I believe in the strength of my mind. I'll probably add more.
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Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 8:43 pm
Dreams
My dreams have been a part of my life for a few years now, I never reallypaid much heed to them before. But they're great tools.
My dreams can range from a single spontaneous upchucking from my cortex, to an intricate series of non-consecutive dreams.
Here I will list Dreams that are prominent in my memory. Whether they are in a series or not.
SERIES ONE: "Broken World"
Intro: It would seem that "Broken World" takes place in a future somewhere. As can be expected I am the protagonist, leading a group of refugees trying to survive in what's left of the modern world.
Dream One
It starts on the lawn of my old school, I'm standing in a group of people trying to get into a second-floor window of the school via a crowbar and a ladder. I look around. It's my hometown. Looking as it always does. but with less light. After a few more tries, the man with the crowbar yells down that we'll have to find another way in. We all grumble and go our separate ways about the school yard. Either reminiscing about times long gone or searching for an entrance.
I was doing both.
I was about to try the door to the school's kitchen when someone came to me and said the man with the crowbar was having success in opening the school's side-access door. So thanks to the man with the crowbar, we all got into the school and began setting up different bedrooms in the various classrooms. I headed upstairs to the school computer lab, just so I could have a room to myself before others came pouring in.
I found it empty, the computers long gone, and only remaining was a few chairs and a table. I accept them and set up a radio I had with me. I tune into a newsbroadcast:
"This just in, a biological bomb exploded inside a New York school. Authorities say that the bomb, which had been laced with virus infected material, was rigged in the school's main air duct. The school had been evacuated, and tests are being done to show who may or may not be infected. This is the latest news, live from New York."
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Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 8:46 pm
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Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 8:47 pm
okay, you can comment now
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Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 10:05 pm
._. Can I have your autograph?
Hurray for bloggieness.
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Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 7:03 am
Ms Miranda ._. Can I have your autograph?
Hurray for bloggieness. *gives you autograph* 3nodding
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Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 1:34 pm
Am I this dull, folks?
3nodding
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Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 7:03 pm
Nope. just few people read this forum... it's sad.
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Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:45 pm
Niccolo Salomanos Nope. just few people read this forum... it's sad. I wonder if it's because I don't do long biographical posts. sweatdrop
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 4:26 am
Terg Niccolo Salomanos Nope. just few people read this forum... it's sad. I wonder if it's because I don't do long biographical posts. sweatdrop
It is. xD
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 7:38 pm
You wanted a long biographical post folks? Here it is!
YOU WANNA GET NUTS? LET'S GET NUTS!
The Origin of the Terg
My story begins years ago. On a fateful Sunday afternoon in a hospital ICU; as a small, bald boy lay whimpering on his hospital bed. Tubes and wires attached to his body. A air mask over his face.
Where was I? Heh...well, I was in the ICU waiting chamber. Standing and looking through the glass barrier between me and my cousin, who lay suffering from leukemia in the hospital bed.
For three years, he had leukemia. Suffered spinal taps, marrow transplants, confinement to a bed, and chemotherapy. For three years, I had hope.
Hope that he and I would wear the graduation robes at the end of our eight years.
Hope that we could play football.
Hope that he would be alright.
But on that Sunday Bloody Sunday, My hopes were crumbling as I saw him suffer. Suffering alone. Cold. And frightened.
When it was time to leave the ICU, we were allowed a quick visit. And he probably heard our voices. Smelled our scents. And even felt my hand rub his bald head. Perhaps a little too hard.
They say every hours wounds, and the last one kills. I wonder if he might still be alive if I hadn't rubbed his head.
Doesn't matter now.
Anyway.
Later that same year, I had a dream. A dream of a lion plummeting into and abyss; beyond my reach. Beyond my control. Beyond me.
The following year, my cousin died. And so did I. But my death was only the beginning.
Phase I: The Nothingness
There was little of interest in the years before my cousin died. I lived a generic life, with only a few paranormal events. Ghost sightings, purple lightning, and my discovery of auric vision.
But most paramount was my....perhaps my mutation? It's a fact of neuroscience, that variation of creases and ridges in certain parts of the brain yield certain effects. In my case, my speech area has a crease where there should be a ridge (or vice-versa). This caused me to develop a stutter. Which caused me to be ostracized by my peers. Which caused me to develop an anger problem.
One that would get me into trouble several times.
but my cousin's death was a humbling experience. And instead of expressing my emotions, I bottled them up. It was a confusing logic. If I cried in sadness I would be laughed at and ostracized further. If I lashed out, I would be punished by the alien authority. So, I kept it in. I didn't want to deal with that s**t, really.
Phase 2: Chaos
Distraught by my cousin's death, I was confused. Scared. And angry.
Very
Very
Very
Angry.
When I learned of the news, I threw my bike against a tree, dashed inside and tore up my room. Cursing god and man. I was broken. And my mind wrapped around the idea of the human tragedy:
"No matter what I do, so long as I'm mortal, I'm worthless."
Nothing I did mattered. Not throwing my bike against a tree. Not my tears of despair. Not even my anger.
And my intentions became clear to me in that moment. I wanted a way out. I didn't want to human anymore. I wanted to evolve.
Like those who have lost most hope, I went to the darker side of the soul. The animalistic side. Looking into the meat of my bones for a clue as to how things could be better. Clues for a way out. I found some clues, but I didn't like them.
I learned about sex. I learned about desire. I learned about emotions and concluded that mankind was just animals. So I thought that by being an animal, I could escape the human tragedy. Then I found werewolfism. And several methods of how to become a werewolf. I tried them. And they yieleded little. just my own little fantasies that I had grown more hair, or felt stronger.
Of course I did, I hit puberty.
Bitter, I looked to magic, and started with Satanism. Being ignorant, I looked into the stereotypical satanism and found that it was mostly fiction. But I did find several real varieties. And studied them for a while, but never practiced. Except for drawing a few pentagrams, nothing happened. So I moved on to psionics.
Phase 3: Third Eye
Psionics yeilded more than my first attempts at magic. And within time, I learned telekinesis, telepathy, and several clair- skills. My precognition showed itself. Through brief visions and lucid dreams.
It was about this time, that I learned something about 'otherkin'. Still desperate for a way out, I joined a forum and said I was a were.
I wish I could go back in time and slap myself. I was a such a dumbass.
Phase 4: Identity
Having joined the otherkin forum, the drama began immediately. Everyday, an apocalyptic prophet or trolls would join the forum. And the admins, (who I now view as a bunch of asses) would promptly ban them so they could only shove their garbage into our minds. It was bullshit, and I ate it all up.
...dumbass...
It was there I began an existential soul searching. Trying to find my own identity while trying to become something more. In the process, I shed my were nature. Feeling that I was an angelic. A muse. And it was this time, that I met a man who introduced me to his own ideas. Which conflicted with that of the forums admins and got him banned.
He told me that we knew each other, he told me that he had saved me from the Christian god. Told me that I had been reconstructed by a godess and himself. Told me who I was and I never thought twice.
...dumbass...
A year or so ago, some information came up that suggested that he was a fraud. And perhaps having already become slightly suspicious of him, I jumped and said I had thought so. Said I never fully trusted him. Which was a lie.
And so, having lost my hope of having a solid identity with people who would support it. I searched again. Making contact with an old friend, who didn't tell me things. but only suggested them as ideas. Ideas which now have lead me to believe that I am an archangel incarnated. Though part of me is still iffy about it, my angelic nature feels true to me.
Questions? Comments? Post away.
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 9:36 pm
*hugs* I'm so sorry for your pain. However, I do hope that when you typed, "...dumbass..." you weren't actually calling yourself a dumbass. Every experience happens for a reason, I believe, and you experienced those events for reason. Look at it this way, for the experiences where you let people tell you who you were, you learned not to blindly accept things. This will surely aid you later on in life, and possibly even now.
Watch, one day you will figure out who you are by your own power and not by another's if you haven't already.
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 10:54 pm
Kuriyaki *hugs* I'm so sorry for your pain. However, I do hope that when you typed, "...dumbass..." you weren't actually calling yourself a dumbass. Every experience happens for a reason, I believe, and you experienced those events for reason. Look at it this way, for the experiences where you let people tell you who you were, you learned not to blindly accept things. This will surely aid you later on in life, and possibly even now. Watch, one day you will figure out who you are by your own power and not by another's if you haven't already. I was actually, it's sort of a problem I have. FRiends have told me to try and resolve it. But it's hard to forgive the man in the mirror when a voice in your suddenly reminds you of something you had forgotten that you didn't want to remember. And I look forward to that day.
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Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 7:29 am
Well, I won't say whether you were right or not to call yourself a dumbass. Like you said, you were looking for something to believe in.
Sure, you might look back now and think 'dammit, I was gullible' or something... but hey. At least you're past that.
And I know a thing or two about remembering stuff best left forgotten... Ugh.
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Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 8:19 am
Niccolo Salomanos Well, I won't say whether you were right or not to call yourself a dumbass. Like you said, you were looking for something to believe in. Sure, you might look back now and think 'dammit, I was gullible' or something... but hey. At least you're past that. And I know a thing or two about remembering stuff best left forgotten... Ugh. I do wonder sometimes if I am truly past the phase of blind acceptance. Which often causes to put myself into question. I try to excuse it for just being another part of the existential process.
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