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 Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 11:26 pm
(something I got in a message, so thought I'd share xd )
Here's your answer... stop asking me...
Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
This one ranks in at number one on my "duh" list. Of course we're afraid, you dimwit. We're terrified. The thought constantly lingers at the back of our minds - but thank you so much for reminding me yet again. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.
"I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
Though this is really annoying, I feel bad about mentioning it because I know that it is intended to be a compliment. Still, it's not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious, light-sleepers who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job and we rose to the challenge.
"He's in Iraq? I'm sorry."
This comment, while meant to be helpful, is infuriating. My Marine is doing exactly what he wants to do. He is making a positive difference in the world, training the Iraqi military and playing with children who dream of growing up in a world free from strife.
"Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?"
Don't you watch the news? No. They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.
"What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out there who gets bored when her Marine leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, we find ourselves having to be two people, strong in public and ourselves in private. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored.
"How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
This one is annoying to many of us whether our guys are deployed or not. Most of our men aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. The Marine Corps isn't a slave program they are sold into, it's a choice. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because (gasp!) they love what they do.
"This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
I'm sorry, just how do you get used to watching your husband go off to war? It's not a little business trip. There are bombs, bullets, and some very bad people who are bent on killing. My man and his guys are the barrier that keeps them from coming here and trying to kill us. Sure, we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets easy and the bullets and bombs don't swerve around our guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes away. It's not exactly conducive to easy sleeping. We learn coping skills. We never get used to it.
"My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."
This one is similar to the one above. Do not equate your husband's three week with a 7-month deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious trip length difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for comparing a combat deployment to a business trip.
"Don't you miss him?"
No, not really... What do you think? If we didn't we wouldn't be with them
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Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 5:17 am
Wow. This post is great! I think we should keep it going with people adding more questions they've been asked that have bothered/annoyed them. I know we all get them, because as soon as you say "X is joining the military" everyone seems to need to ask the dumbest questions. I got a few of on this past 4th myself:
"Why did you let him join?"
This one bothers me the most because it almost puts blame on the loved one. As though the person joined some exclusive resort club that no one likes. A few words of wisdom. We didn't let them join. They choose to join, and because we love, we stood behind them and supported them, even if it was something we didn't particularly want to see happening.
"Did you guys talk about it?"
Really, I understand that there may be some people who don't do these things, but honestly, this is not the kind of topic that you can avoid. Its not like the movies where the kid signs up and two days later he's being sent to basic. It takes time and in that time, yes, its something that you talk about.
"You agree with it?"
Again, annoying. Another blame placing question. Most people who's loved ones join the army aren't asking for permission. They are doing it because its something that they want to do. The wife/husband really doesn't have the choice to agree or disagree with the decisions already made.
"You know, if you want help..."
This is another one of those ones that I know is asked with the best of intentions, but it does bother me. Our husband is joining the military, it does not suddenly make us incapable of carrying on our daily tasks. We still go to work, cook meals, care for children/pets and all the likes. Just because our spouse left does not suddenly make us helpless.
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Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 4:07 pm
Everybody gets asked those questions, when I joining I got asked stupid things constantly, so did my mom. The worst question ever was "How do you feel now that your going to die in Bush's unjust war for oil in Iraq?", I will die for what I beleive, and the Canadian Military is not in Iraq, we're in Afghanistan doing a UN approved actions.
But don't let it bother you, all you can do it attempt to inlighten people, and remember for every stupid question, there's a comment along the lines of "Thank you" or "You must be so proud/happy"
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 8:57 am
Quote: "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through." This one is similar to the one above. Do not equate your husband's three week with a 7-month deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious trip length difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for comparing a combat deployment to a business trip.
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Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 8:09 am
Well, some people forget that spouses do not have a choice. Most of us have spouses already in by the time we marry them. (I did, he signed up at 17..I met him when he turned 21, and married him 6 weeks later! rofl ) Anyway, the last person to ask me that got my response of:
Really, and what have YOU done for the good of YOUR country?
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Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 2:50 pm
"Wow....I've heard this one from alot of people to alot of people: "Why do you put up with/do it?" I almost don't know how to answer it sometimes. Well, we do it because we love our men and they love our country. We are willing to support them because of that courage. Sure it's hard to get through the night sometimes, wondering if they are still there or not. It's hard waking up from nightmares and not having someone to share them with or be comforted by. It's difficult putting up with your stupid questions about this crap to, but we do. We prevail."
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Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 12:32 pm
I hate all of those questions gonk My mom had to answer some of those.
"Wow, I bet moving around so much screwed up your childhood."
That's the only one I've really gotten, being an Army Brat. Nope, I think my childhood was enriched because while most kids in 3rd grade were seeing the Backstreet Boys in concert, I was seeing castle sin Germany, cathedrals, in France, canals in Venice, and windmills in the Netherlands.
And not having my dad there for large chunks of my childhood makes me appreciate the time I have with him now more.
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Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 6:59 pm
Miss Fro I hate all of those questions gonk My mom had to answer some of those.
"Wow, I bet moving around so much screwed up your childhood."
That's the only one I've really gotten, being an Army Brat. Nope, I think my childhood was enriched because while most kids in 3rd grade were seeing the Backstreet Boys in concert, I was seeing castle sin Germany, cathedrals, in France, canals in Venice, and windmills in the Netherlands.
And not having my dad there for large chunks of my childhood makes me appreciate the time I have with him now more.
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Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 10:55 am
Kenneth had just broken up witrh a longtime girlfriend when he signed up. He was a cook at KFC. He had very few friends and they were al in some branch of the armed forces. There were many questions that went through my head.
Was he wanting to die? Was it for the money? Did he believe his life would be better there and not with me?
All these questions were answered after his first letter. Time spent in the armt would give him the opportuity to prove to others and himself that he was more than a paycheck. That he could stand up for what he believed in and show everyone that he was truly a man.
He couldn't do that with mommy wiping his nose.
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Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 10:50 pm
crying omg! these questions make me cry (crying right now and listening to linkin park "closer to the edge") i can say HELL YES its very hard on me dealing with my brother gone. i moved away from home like two years ago and to me i was leaving behind my best freind.
HELL YES i fear for his safety but i have to respect his decisions in life , hes not a kid anymore and made up his mind to join the army and i have to live with that.
HELL YES it worries me that he has to go to iraq but i cant change what the army says he should do, nobody can!
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Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 7:04 am
"So, what, are you like a family of killers? How many have you killed all together?"
I had in my late profile that I, my brother, my husband, his stepdad, my stepdad, my grandfather and great grandfather were all military. And somone had the gaw to comment with that.
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Posted: Fri Mar 14, 2008 12:09 am
Someone asked me if Stuart had killed anyone while in Iraq. I was very pissed off by that question. It's not something I'm going to question him on. If he wants to talk about it, he will and if he doesn't, he won't. I'm not going to presure him about that subject, and I don't appriciate being asked about it.
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Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 12:25 pm
I'm not a US Citizen So when I married hubby I knew full well what I was going to have to deal with. But the one I get a lot is "This isn't your country why put up with it?!" mad well maybe I might actually love my hubby and I want to stand by him no matter what he decides to do.
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Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 1:07 pm
i hate those questions and people always ask me "do u miss your dad?" and i just want to smack them one >.<, i really really hate those type of questions i wish they would think before they would ask those stupid questions >.<
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Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 1:15 pm
The one I hate is when they compare like their neighbors nephew being over there, or their third cousin, to me having my husband getting ready to deploy.
how does someone you barely know compare with me losing my husband pretty much.
I'm proud of what my husband does and I know why he does it, thats all I need.
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