Welcome to Gaia! ::

Connect The Arts Guild : Poetry,Writing,Theatre,Art,Music

Back to Guilds

Where artists of all types gather to discuss and share art, writing, dance, music, and performance art. 

Tags: Arts, Writing, Dance, Music, Drawing 

Reply Critiques: Poem, Short Story, and Writing for Critiquing Forum
My Dark and Twisted poems

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

Mage_of_Dreams

PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 12:22 am


a moonlit side effecy

When the sun goes down and the moon comes out
I different side of me is shown
I dont really understand what its all about
and no longer I want to be left alone

The touch of my face triggers the odd lust
and soon I cant resist the dark
I abandon every ounce of trust
and on the world, I leave my mark

I sit my glasses down on the bed
My old clothes are off and I put on my disguises
the good little boy's burried deep in my head
and the lustful firery passion rises

I'm no longer the innocent boy you all knew
but I'm now the hardcore something more
my eyes no longer green, but blue
and the girls and boys drop to the floor

In the crowd, I dance to the lights and rock
stranger in front and strangers in back
pay no attention to the minutes on the clock
and then I take one to my shack

I lay you down and climb on top
I waste no time with useless talk
the fun begins, and I wont stop
our breathings hard, faster we rock

So I leave you satisfied and wanting
and despirse into the dark from the party
until another moom lit night
When I leave my mark on anothers body




Black Eye Lining

Today, I've made my twisted house
with rotted wood, and rusted pipes
and painted the windows with black and red
and laced the walls with dark blue stripes

I've layed the blood stained carpet
then I locked the basement door
I've drawn in the attic, stigmata signs
and all the bedroom sheets, I tore

I lit a fire in the chimney
then went outside to lock the gate
it creaked and swung in the midnight wind
then I yawned and said "Its really late"

So I went back in and layed my head
on my pillow, with a dark black rose
and covered myself with torn black sheets
and just as I began to doze

I heard a scream come from the cellar
So I got to my feet and flew down the stairs
and when I had seen the mysterious dweller
the darkness answered all my prayers

Her hair was black as a raven's feather
and her skin was white as milk
her body wrapped in shredded leather
and to her knees was see through silk

She gasped when she saw my evil expression
in the shining of the candle light
she then became my new obsession
as I tide her up nice and tight

I kissed her hard, the night sky shining
but to my suprise, and for sure I knew
I seen love in her eyes, under her back eye lining
then she kissed back and whisped "I love you"  
PostPosted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 7:22 pm


REALLY interesting. the diction is awkward at times, but you maintain a steady pattern, and your use of rhyme is skillful and refreshiong. keep it up.

Shoushitsu

Reply
Critiques: Poem, Short Story, and Writing for Critiquing Forum

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum