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MurderCityAllStars

PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 6:42 am


Well, I'm a new member and thought I'd officially announce my membership with one of the poems I wrote a while ago randomly picked from a collection.
Feel free to critique/rate or whatever takes your fancy.

Namewise, Rennie will do fine - unless there's someone else with that name, in which case I'll revert to RF. Not a problem!

This Castle In The Clouds

Come away from the world below and join me in the sky,
Come to this special place, this castle in the clouds.

Watch the busy little people run their busy little lives,
Watch the wistful dreamers see this castle in the clouds.

Compare the world around us to the world below.
Compare the awful landscape to this castle in the clouds.

Look beyond the veil, beyond the curtain and the mask,
Look beyond this beauty, this castle in the clouds.

See into the minds of those who dream that dreams come true.
See that every dreamer will dream of this, this castle in the clouds.
PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 1:30 pm


I thought this poem was very good! I like the repetition, and though the rhythm seemed a little weird at times, it didn't make me want to stop reading or think it needed to be changed. Good job on this piece!

Cereah
Crew


MurderCityAllStars

PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 3:07 pm


Many thanks!
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Work written between 2003 - 2006

 
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