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 Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 6:21 am
"Mother?" Banjoko asked, peering inside the cave den. Where was she? Out fishing, perhaps. Since her two cubs had grown up a bit, she felt a little better about leaving them for longer periods of time. Nzinga had, however, always been much too overbearing for Banjo's independant sister, Tia. She was never around much anymore, either - their mother was a worrier and Tia, a free spirit.
Banjo blew stray locks of his mane out of his eyes in frustration. It had gotten quite a bit bigger these days and was getting to be more of a hassle. His limbs, too, had grown, and he felt a bit gangly and uncoordinated. He sat on the cool stone floor of the cave, hoping his mother wouldn't be long. Though the small family of three had lately not been so attached to the cave as they had been with the cubs were younger, the family still called it home. Eventually his mother would return. He would wait for her til then - there were questions he had been wanting to ask her.
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Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 5:34 pm
Nzinga, dripping wet and carrying two large silvery fish in her jaws, rounded the corner into her cave and promptly stopped. The fish dropped out of her mouth in surprise as she saw her son, sitting patiently with an intense look on his face, staring at her.
"Mother," Banjoko said, wasting no time. "There is something I'd like to talk to you about."
The tone of his voice made Nzinga a little nervous. He was still too young in her eyes to be wanting to know what she feared he would ask.
"Hold on, hold on," Nzinga replied, trying to delay him. She shook herself off, spraying droplets of water into the air that splattered onto cave walls and floor. "Let me get in the door first, for goodness' sake."
She tried to look busy. She stretched to look worn out, groomed her paws and face to remove excess water, and rubbed her eyes. Then she pushed one of the fish she had caught towards Banjoko, who, as instructed, was waiting for her to be ready. He was always such a sweetly obediant boy.
"That is for you," Nzinga said, nodding towards the fish. "The other is for your sister, if she decides to come back here for supper." That was wishful thinking on her part and they both knew it. More often than not, neither of them knew where Tia was or what she was up to.
"Mother...?" Banjoko began again, politely nudging her into the conversation he wanted to begin.
Nzinga knew her son was clever and sweet. She knew he was a fast learner and that the last thing he wanted to do was to hurt her. She also knew how insatiably curious he was, and how determined he was once he set his mind to something. She sighed and sat down. This was not supposed to happen so soon. "Yes, dear. What did you want to talk about?" But of course, she already knew.
"Dear mother, you know I love you," he began carefully, knowing how his next words would likely cause her pain. His yellow eyes were trained on her, gauging her response. "But other children have begun to ask me, even some adults. It frustrates me that do not know what to tell them. And it is embarrassing." He paused, trying to forget the shame that always accompanied those questions. "I want to know, as well. And forgive me, but I believe I have a right to know."
Nzinga closed her eyes against the image of her son that she loved so much. When she looked at her son, she also saw him. Banjoko looked exactly like he had.
"Where is my father?"
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 4:47 pm
Banjoko stood firm against his mother's sad and tired eyes, but felt a tinge of regret for bringing up such an obviously painful subject. The mention of the cubs' father was never discussed, never even hinted at. For the longest time, Banjoko never even realized he must have a father, somewhere. Unless he was dead.
Still, the curious boy wanted to know. He needed to know. Oh, he longed for a father...as much as he loved his mother, he knew there was something missing in his life. A whole half of his being was missing.
He watched his mother intently as she slowly opened her mouth to speak.
"Your father," she began, and halted. "He is...he was..." She didn't know what to say.
Hearing the past tense, Banjoko began to fear he may never meet the male who helped create him.
"Banjo, you're mature for your age. But I still hesitate to tell you this."
"Mother, please," Banjoko pleaded. "I have to know. Tell me. Please."
Nzinga sighed. She was reluctant, but she could still feel the truth needing to come out. And she was sure there was no way to put off the subject once Banjo decided to pursue it. "Honey, I don't know where your father is. I met him briefly in my travels. He was...charming. Sweet. Just like you. But our paths were taking us in different directions. He was searching for his sister, and I..." Nzinga sighed, wondering at her old self, who seemed so different from who she was now. "I wanted to see the world."
The young lion sat still, letting it sink in. He hardly caught the fact that he was the product of a randome encounter of two lonely lions. The only thing that mattered to him was his father was alive.
Nzinga continued to speak, but Banjoko had heard what he needed most to hear. Her words reached his ears but he heard only fractions of sentences. "You look just like your father, you know. I don't know where your sister got her coloring, but you are most certainly your father's son." Nzinga went to her son and nuzzled his head. "I know he would be proud of you, wherever he is...Oh, don't think badly of me, Banjo. You know I love you more than life itself. I know Vian would love you just as much, if he knew about you..."
His ears perked at his father's name. Vian, his father, didn't know he had a son in the world. He was out there somewhere...in that big wide world outside the safety of the Unity Walkers sanctuary. If his father didn't know he even existed, how would he able to find his two children? Already a plan was beginning to form in his mind.
If his father couldn't find him...
Banjoko would find his father.
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Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 7:15 am
Nzinga watched her son carefully, wishing she could see the tumult of thoughts and emotions behind his eyes. She knew he was deep in thought; she could hear the wheels of his brain grinding. And fear began to creep into her. Everyone close to her in her life has left. She could feel it. Her son, her world, was going to leave her.
Suddenly she felt so weak. Her legs gave way beneath her, and she slunk to the ground, feeling dizzy.
Her son came to her in concern, lowering his head against her neck. "I'm sorry to have caused you pain," he said softly.
She shook her heard, keeping her eyes closed against the flood of hot tears. She could find nothing to say to her son.
A long moment of silence passed, where Nzinga tried to control her emotions. They both knew he would be leaving.
Her son's voice ventured forth once more. "Why...why don't you come with me? We...we can go together. Would you like that?"
"Banjoko, no. I'm too old to go on a wild good chase to find a male who in all likelihood doesn't even remember me. He probably has his own family now and wants nothing to do with us." Finally she opened her eyes to find her son's shocked and downtrodden face.
"Banjo, my baby," she said, immediately going to him and nuzzling his neck. "I'm sorry. You know that you are my world. It doesn't matter that your father doesn't know about you. Don't worry about him anymore, okay? We don't need him."
Her dear son's voice came to her mumbled. "Mother...I need him."
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Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2007 6:56 am
Banjoko looked up at his mother as she pulled away from him, looking at him with hurt eyes. "Mother, I need...I need to know. I just have to find him, to find out if...if..." he couldn't let himself finish. I need to find out if my father loves me. He wouldn't let himself say that.
"I have to go, mama," he said softly, slipping back into childhood speech. "I'll find him and talk to him. And then I'll come back...I'll come right back here to you for good. I promise." He began to back away.
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Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2007 7:02 am
Nzinga grabbed him as he walked away and smothered him in love. "You better come back," she said, voice full of emotion. "You...just...stay safe. And come back to me in one piece." She pressed kisses to the top of his head frantically, not really believe he would leave. Not letting herself believe.
After enduring his mother's love for a good long time, Banjoko finally broke free and unable to say any more goodbyes, he turned and ran. If he hadn't, he might not have been able to make himself leave.
Left alone and childless, Nzinga stared after him. She felt empty beyond words. Her two children were both gone...her whole world. Her vision of a new life, gone. Dizzy with overwhelming feelings of complete loss, the lioness fell to the ground in a heap.
She had named her son Banjoko for a reason.
Stay with me and wander no more.
This was all her fault.
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