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Title: Harry Potter and the Coconut Injury

ff.net penname: MaIkO-wIlL-sOcK-yOu

Category: Harry Potter

Genre: humor

Status: in progress

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling, not me. Some names used also do not belong to me.

Summary: It was a warm sunny day at the beach. Harry was having a lot of fun with his best mates. Doesn't this seem to cheesy to you? Who knows of the hidden horrors beneath this shining illusion? Harry didn't, Ginny didn't, Hermione didn't, Ron didn't, but I did.



Title: Snape and the Ballerina Lessons

ff.net penname: MaIkO-wIlL-sOcK-yOu

Category: Harry Potter

Genre: humor

Status: in progress

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling, not me.

Summary: Snape is being a lazy butt. He won't get off the couch and take a walk. Voldy will be forced to change this won't he? He can't have the Dark side getting fat can he? Double the humor, double the torture and what do you have? A fanfic.



Title: Alex, meet Arty

ff.net penname: MaIkO-wIlL-sOcK-yOu

Category: Alex Rider/Artemis Fowl

Genre: humor

Status: in progress

Rating:K+

Disclaimer: Alex Rider belongs to Anthony Horrowits, Artemis Fowl belongs to Eoin Colfer.

Summary: Alex is a normal teenager, so is Arty -cough- they both had normal lives of their own -cough- until one day, a mysterious stranger offers them a chance to be happy. Taking this chance, they did not have any clue of the hidden plans, waiting to be revealed.

Harry Potter and the Coconut Injury:

Two hours later, Harry was on the floor between very confused members of Homo sapiens...

Mrs. Weasley was still very upset. Because Hermione was in a daze, Ginny was crying on the newly waxed floor, and Ron was badly bruised, and burnt, and had a bad hit to his ego. But most importantly, she was upset because she lost the recipe to her favorite lemon pie!

Later that evening, there was one question in the air: “Where the heck did Mrs. Weasley put the lemon pie recipe?”

Maiko: Say wha??

-cough-

Maiko: Fine! Be that way.

Sorry, they also had another question in the air: “How the heck did a wizard like Harry get hit on the head by a coconut?”

-hackcough!-

Dang it! I got the wrong question! Again! Mmkay, let’s get this straight:

1) Harry did not know about the coconut because he was starring at Ginny

2) He did not know that coconuts grew on trees and not bushes so he was not aware of the great danger he was in

3) He did not know that his chances of getting bitten by a spider is more than having a cup Vodka dumped on his head

4) I have a very annoying mosquito bite and it itches

So the question in the air is: “How the heck are we going to revive Harry?” There we go.

Maiko: I should get candy for that!

One and 3/4 of an hour passes when the Homo sapiens realized that they'd better try to revive Harry before it's too late to save the world...

Hedwig tried pecking at Harry, Fred and George tried an explosion (meant for fanfictional purposes only), and Mr. Weasley tried shaking the crap out of Harry. While Hermione starred away, Ginny kept crying on the used-to-be-newly-waxed-but-is-no-longer floor (how does she not get dehydrated? I wanna be able to do that!), Ron complain about his physical injuries and Mrs. Weasley drank tea.

Poor poor Harry! He was knocked out! He'll have a hangover when he wakes up. Little did the author know that Harry was really, actually, in fact, in truth, accurately, in reality, truly, in actual fact, if truth be told, certainly beyond doubt, in a coma.


Snape and the Ballerina Lessons:

I finally reach room 75 after a long treacherous journey. Turns out, you have to press the up-arrow to go up in the elevator. Man, they had me fooled. Kids have it so simple these days, back in my elevator days, I had to rescue my cousin from crushing his head between the doors. Little did I know that the doors would open if anything blocked its way. You know what else? There're really crazy people in this place! I thought that they were just the results of teachers experimenting on the poor brains of students. Luckily, I'm immune to that.

So anyhow, when I got there, I understood why they call room 75 the special room. Its walls were lined with pink fluffy cushions while the floor was covered with yellow squeaky eye-searing rubber duckies. It was a pathetic sight.

Alas, I wasted 2 more minutes of my life trying to pick the lock on the door. Little did I know that my bazooka would have done the trick. Poor little me. I must admit, that metal door was almost open already; Severussy had been banging on it continuously for those 4 long angonizing hours it took me to get in jail, out of jail, go up in the elevator, and picking the lock. Oh yeah, we can't forget that valuable 1 minute when I slapped myself (literally) for forgetting about my bazooka.

When the door was opened, I witnessed the most eccentric sight ever, Snivelly cooing softly to one of the duckies. Thanks to my handy-dandy recording machine, I'm able to pass on my knowledge to the next generation. You. This is the recording:

"It's okay little buddy! I'll take care of you, and when I learn how to become an interior designer, I'll even make you your own little yellow sand castle. You friends can come to of course! Oh, I have a favor to ask you, can you teach me how to dance Swan Lake? It's my dream! Who's mommy's favorite ducky? You are! -Giggle- Your mommy's favorite ducky!"

"OMIGAWD! WHAT THE DIGGY DANG HAPPENED TO YOU!?"

"-gasp- What are you doing here!? Mommy's little duckies, attack!!"


Alex, meet Arty:

Now Alex thinks he’s nuts. Coconuts to be exact. But since coconuts are not really nuts (or are they?) Alex was thinking that he was walnuts. Now Carter is officialy allergic to Alex Rider. Yep. But this was silly. Or was it? Well, firstly, there was that some-crazy-girl-is-going-to-kidnap-me-and-take-me-to-her-dimension creepy feeling. Secondly, there was that I-think-I'm-a-coconut-but-since-coconuts-are-not-really-nuts-so-now-I'm-walnuts-and-some-girl-named-Carter-is-now-officially-allergic-to-me matter. Thirdly there were those people on his carpet.

Alex: "9-1-1!! THERE'S A CRAZY NARRATOR ON MY NEWLY VACUMMED FREAKIN' CARPET!! GOGOGO! POWER RANGERS! GET HER!"

Jeez! Alex has got one hecka big mouth. It was like, what? 3:30 in the morning? People need their sleep these days! We can't all be isomniac can we? Alex even woke Jack up! Who knows how deep of a sleeper she is?

Jack: "Jeezums Alex! I need my beauty sleep! Shut up before I call the policed for real!"

Sad, but true, the batteries on Alex's phone had been removed due to his lack of sanity and a great deal of his hallucinations. Shame, shame...but our little guinea pig did not know this, did he now?

Alex: "JACK! OH THANK THE LORD ABOVE US ALL! QUICK! HAND ME MY HANDEY-DANDEY VACUMM MACHINE! THOSE WOMEN LEFT A SPECK OF DIRT ON MY CARPET!!"

Alex sure had one big mouth, if my mouth was that big, I'd be an opera singer.

Jack: "Alex mah boy, you gotta lay off the sugar. Kay? I hereby decree that you may no longer comsume carbonated sugar products until you learn how to handle the sugar rush. Now I'm going to go back to sleep, and I expect to stay asleep until I feel like waking up."

Jack then was witnessed to stagger back into her bedroom, leaving sonny boy Alex dumbfounded on his carpet. He was crushed, like italian ice, like slushies, like smothies, like-like...like a brain that had just got run over by a car. He had thought that he had finally found someone who understood his love for his vacumm and his love for his carpet. He was wrong, he had been betrayed by one of his own kind.