|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2004 11:46 am
This is a topic dedicated to my poems. Anyways please enjoy.
Poems:
1. "Gothic Guardian"
2. "light"
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2004 11:47 am
"I tell you now a tale bold
One I pray will not grow old
'Tis 'bout a people near not far
People that wear the color tar
Many call their dress queer
Because of it them people fear
God's people, my true kin
Outcast them, say they sin
I advocate on their behalf
And at me people do laugh
I know of no other one
Who fallows the will of the Son
These people are condemed to death
Unless they feel God's breath
Yet no one will care for them
They won't even give it a whim
So in this I am alone
For their deaths I won't condone"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2004 1:10 pm
Ah I really, really really, like is a lot heart heart heart
You got me in the first two lines. It sounds very ye olde enlish..-e and I love that stuff. And you managed to rhyme the whole way down. Awesome.
But do be aware of "Them" and "Whim" to me they seem like eye-rhymes or half-rhymes. Maybe it's my english tongue but the two don't sound like a complete rhyme. I can tell you really thought about this and it was worked out to your advantage.
AWESOME!!!!! blaugh And I don't say that alot a poetry
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2004 3:03 pm
Thank you. It might have to do with the accent, as mine is no dought differant from your.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The Bookwyrm Vice Captain
|
Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2004 8:46 am
Definately a very personal piece of writing. It's got a very fun, bouncy sort of rhyme scheme, but it has a real sense of determination and will to it as well. ^^
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2004 9:47 am
I was trying to make it sound a bit more bold so I had a 2 line ryme sceme insteed of a 3 or 4.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2004 4:30 pm
so this is why you aren't active in our guild smile
lol...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2004 5:04 pm
Eh, I like this one better, more freedom.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 12:03 pm
I like your vocabulary in this poem - a lot of words which generally aren't heard every day. It has good rhythm to it too - call me closed-minded, but I really prefer poems with a rhythm to ones without.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 2:57 pm
Like wise, usally I don't use this piticual rhythm, but I almost always use one.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 4:52 pm
This has a really good message to it. I don't get much into poetry because the idea seems to be so hidden, you almost question whether or not the poet himself even has a clue what hes trying to say cause there isn't a coherent thought (sorry if I stepped on any toes, but I personally hate abstract art...). But the idea is very clear here, and the poem has something to say. Good job 3nodding
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 8:35 am
Thank you, I try an make my point very clear most the time.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 8:37 am
What is that bright light
And why for do so many fight
One indeed must be bold
To dislike its is to be cold
Yet to it I will not serve
For its power will not curve
I have since tasted dark
Gentle like a meadow lark
What the light leave by itself
The dark takes in as wealth
It does not leave you alone
But raises you to a throne
The darkness will one day rule
Though it its truly cruel
People can not see thought its mask
An when they die they will ask
What has happened to me
I was once free
If only they knew
The light is true
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 10:43 am
Another good poem! I like this one; especially the fact that the syllables per line are irregular, yet the poem is still structured by it's rhyming.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 2:27 pm
Wow, sounds very biblical. I like how you've given the light and the dark it's own explaination then the last stanza show the writers chose. Nice!
It rhymes which works for this one.
If only the last line rhymed, but because it doesn't have the support of a following line it makes it stand out more so then it would with equal lines.
Again I like the meaning and how you've consturcted it with words. It makes me want to go back to church ( sweatdrop )
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
