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 Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 7:43 am
[ <3 ]
I promised myself, my friends AND my boyfriend that I would stop.
Well, it worked for a good 2-3 months.
Marvelous!
But...lately my life's been going WHOOO down. Our family suddenly doesn't have that much money because my dad spent it on bloody furnature and snacks. Gay reason, I know.
One of my so called best friends started taking ecstacy and smoking and drinking and a bunch of other crap that he promised he wouldn't. My sister goes on and on about how much she wants to leave the household. Then when she sees my dad, she acts like she's his pet, and when she sees my mom she acts like she loves everything about her. And then the occasional bickering between her and my parents.
Then my parents vs one another.
School is coming up. I'm being beaten down by ALOT of artwork commissions that I just can't finish in the time they want it.
Mom is constantly asking if I'm okay - which I'm not - but I tell her I am okay. If she finds out I'm NOT okay, she'll just bug me about it make me feel worse.
My boyfriend is halway across the world, along with my best friend who moved last year. I mean..I can't even hug him. I can't fricking heatbutt my best friend - haha.
And all this boils down to the fact that I'm compleeetely stressed out.
And tonight, I just cracked. I wrote a message to my boyfriend letting him know I'd like to keep my distance from the computer for now - yeah, I know him online ONLY, and that I need to gather my thoughts and s**t, and that I'll see him in a few days (talk to him).
As I ended the message with "I love you" my lip began to tremble. Just as I ended the message and clicked 'send' I missed him. Hah, as if I don't miss him enough already, being HALFWAY around the world.
Then my sister barges in the room swearing like a fking sailor about this guy who she could've gone out with but she didn't want to ask him so now she's mad at him and blahblah what the ******** everr.
She goes off to make something in the kitchen, and boom. All of a sudden...I'm crying. Crying like...I haven't cried like that since I was little and my dad fricking hit me on the a** with a belt. I was SERIOUSLY bawling - jaw trembling, short breath, tears streaming down, gasping...
I told myself to stop - like I spoke to myself - but I wouldn't stop...last resort: physical pain to stop the mental pain. I broke off another blade from my razor, and...instead of cutting on my arms, I cut on my stomach so mom wouldn't see. Xs, lines, gashes, * marks, "no", his name and iloveyou.
My stomach is all red at this moment. At least I'm wearing a black shirt /:
Now...I don't know. ********, I'm a mess.
[ <3 ]
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Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 11:17 am
Well, like I tell all of the cutters I meet, if you insist on cutting, I insist that you clean the blade first.
You probably thought I was gonna call you an emo f** or something, huh?
Well, no.
I hate when people do that.
But, I insist that you sanitize the blade.
Wipe it down with rubbing alcohol.
Because, if you don't, you could easily get a staff infection, which could kill you, if not properly treated.
Assuming that your parents don't know, you probably wouldn't get to a doctor, if you got a staff infection, so clean the blade, and avoid it altogether.
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Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 12:32 pm
well said 3nodding
As long as it is santized you should be fine.
may I at least suggest drawing you cutting yourself instead of actually doing it?
that calms me sometimes, all I have to do is throw away the drawing after it's done and noone ever finds it
you could try that
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Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 2:48 am
Like they said, make sure to sanitize it. Infections are nasty little things. ><
Anyways, cutting isnt a bad thing. I know that you promised the people around you that you woudnt, and I know that you feel bad for it, but you shouldnt. You did it to help yourself through the mental pain by inflicting physical pain, its perfectly fine.
At least you arent out there doing heavy drugs and alcohol to try and cope with the pain, think about that. I have been cutting myself for a couple of years now ever since my depression hit absolute rock bottom, still on the bottom though...*sigh* I promised the man I love that I would stop before he left for Iraq, and already, even though I tried, I cut myself again. You cant help it sometimes, the mental anguish just gets too much, and there is no other way to releave it when it gets really bad. Trust me, I have looked for other ways to eliviate the pain, there are a few that work for a few minutes, so it dosent really help.
Anyways, enough about me. Just dont worry, santize your blade(s), and if the topic comes up between you and the people/person you care about, just explain the reason to them, and hopefully they will understand. I wish you the best of luck.
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Posted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 5:37 am
I'm going with what everybody else said: Make sure the blade is cleaned first...... I'm in a hospital, just go out of surgery, and I feel like I have an infection.
If problems with family and school make you have suicidal thoughts....... clear those out of your head and stick to cutting...... cutting is better than being buried under a ton of dirt.
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Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 9:43 am
I'm sorry to hear you are having so many problems. I agree that if you must cut PLEASE sanitize the blade first. It is a nasty thing to get an infection especially if noone knows you have the cut. When I stopped cutting I used Tae Kwon Do to vent my troubles instead. I know this is difficult for you too do with the financial difficulties your family is having... so maybe you could try to get into a sport at school. the more aggressive the better. than you can get it out of your system. otherwise try doing exercises when your feeling down. your body releases endorphines when you exercise... these make you feel better. try something like this if you seriously want to quit cutting. and remember, once you've hit the bottom there's nowhere to go but up. I hope things get better for you feel free to PM if you ever need someone to talk to or just vent. smile
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Posted: Sun Sep 09, 2007 7:07 pm
okay look, yes if you cant help it do sanitize the blade, but maybe you might want to consider seeing professional help, i dont meen this in an offencive way but you may want to, because it might help.
the second thing i say is that you should tell your mom is that you need her full support, and tell her whats going on, Mom can always help... just make sure you tell her it will only make it worse if she tells other people.
third - e-mail or call your boyfriend and friend every day, it really helps... see my family is divorced and calling really helps when i miss my siblings and mom.
fourth - tell your sister she is driving you crazy.
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Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 10:21 am
Yes...please always Sanitize your blade. Make sure it's never rusty, and that your tetnus shot is up to date. There are a lot of things that could go wrong doing this.
I know you've heard this before (and I'm surprised I haven't seen it yet) but it would be a good idea to stop too. And I know it's hard, I used to have my ups and downs like that too. Where I would quit for a few months and everything would get backed up and once it came out the cuts got really bad.
But let me tell you, I dont know how old you are now, but when you do finally quit, and trust me you will find something that relieves your stress better, for right now this is the best method for you but something better will come along. Anyways...when you do quit, and you have to see the scars every day you've left on your body it will eat at you.
Just remember there's no getting rid of it.
I might suggest to you, to lessen the pain of dealing with that when you get older, get a bottle of Vitamin E oil and rub it every day over the scars you have, it makes them fade a lot which really helps, but my scars are still very noticable.
It's painful when someone asks about them.
And it's terribly hard to explain to your boyfriend. I'm sure the current one knows about it, but if you ever break up and find someone else, you'll have to start at step one again, and there's no telling how people will react to you.
You want to be comfortable in your own body, and I don't want you to end up feeling bad about it, and ashamed to ever have to take your clothes off or wear a swimsuit, or cute, revealing clothes.
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Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 6:16 pm
I agree please sanitize the bllade it will make a ton of difference in the long run. do me a favor and dont cut your wrist or your leg or your in alot of trouble. your stomach doesnt have as many major veins so its ssafer. i used to cut too but i stopped. try talking to a close freind or a counselor at school they are very nice. they have to tell your parents though. i have had a ton of issues. ive been through this too and just recently stopped cutting. ive have also had problems with drugs , drinking and suicide thoughts and attempts. ive tried everything and i know physical pain is usually what makes you feel the best. Try writing though it sometimes help. just write all your thoughts and rants down and rip it up. it really works. sometimes during art i do this and it makes me feel a hell of alot better! Just dont tell any one unless you really truszt them and if you tell someone and they "tattle" on you just remember its because they love you and you should forgive them for caring about you
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Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 9:43 pm
Don't harm something that your soul resides in. Let it be until it is time heart
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Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 3:10 pm
Sometimes you just need a good cry. You said that you started crying like you did when you were little, assuming that you haven't cried for a while. Its a good thing that you actually started crying, all these things were bottling up inside you and you finally did something to let it out, at least a little. But what i don't understand is that after that you started cutting yourself again... You cried, so thearefore you should have felt a little better, but you just made it worse by cutting yourself. Now your going to have to deal with that!
Whats the point in cutting really?! There is no point, except you think it helps realive your pain. You have friends to talk to about your problems. Your friends care about your well being, and they will try to help. If you don't think your friends can help you then go to a professional. Talk to a professional about your problems, and that person won't judge you, but simply help you.
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Posted: Tue May 26, 2009 1:41 pm
Never think what is wrong with you think what do you need to improve. A great way to get emotional pain out is playing sports instead of cutting. Throw a tennis ball at a wall really hard multiple times. As you can see your sadness usally turns to anger and with this healthy excercise you can prevent cutting but still wash away anger. Make sense?
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Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2009 11:49 am
Wow. Everybody's agreeing with everybody else. -muses- A rare sight... Now, on to something that has something too do with the topic:
Yes, I agree, sanitize the blade. Just... make sure it's dry first. If it's recently sanitized, it'll sting the devil out of you.
Personally, I think cutting is stupid. Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think it solves anything. I agree with cheer above me; you should take karate lessons, swim, play soccer, dance, or something to take your mind off of your troubles.
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Posted: Fri Sep 25, 2009 3:00 pm
D: Wow. I'm sorry but these replies shocked me! It's like saying "You shouldn't have sex but here are some condoms." I totally get that you are trying to help, but damn. That was disturbing.
You shouldn't cut at all. Find another outlet for your pain. I have a friend that used to cut and let me tell you, you aren't only hurting yourself. I spent many nights crying because I thought she was going to end up killing herself.
I understand that life isn't always easy and many things cause stress and pressure, but there are ways to handle that stress that doesn't involve self mutilation. Write a poem, draw, scream, break things... Your body is all you've really got in this life. Treat it with care.
From a religious point of view, God loves you. He wants you to be happy. From what I understand, self mutilation is a sin, as is commiting suicide. If you believe in God, turn to him for help! Faith has a way of rewarding those who have it... I don't know exactly what I believe, but I do know that there is always someone who loves you and is sad that you are hurting yourself...
Guys, don't take this the wrong way... I really am only here to help.
If anyone feels like talking to me, PM me. I can guarantee that I will listen and do everything in my power to help. I love you guys. <3
-Mel-
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Bloody-Melons Vice Captain
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Bloody-Melons Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Sep 25, 2009 3:01 pm
cheerhawtie Never think what is wrong with you think what do you need to improve. A great way to get emotional pain out is playing sports instead of cutting. Throw a tennis ball at a wall really hard multiple times. As you can see your sadness usally turns to anger and with this healthy excercise you can prevent cutting but still wash away anger. Make sense? Fantastic advice! <3
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