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 Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 12:25 pm
Title: In BED!
Author: FunSize
Pairing: Shawn/Lassiter, barely.
Rating: G, if even.
Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nobody.
Warnings: The brutal murder of a fortune cookie! !
Notes: Thanks to [lj user]hctib_notsob for quickly checking for any mistakes. And yes, it's short. Sue me. It's my first fic.
Carlton Lassiter walked casually to his car outside of the Santa Barbara Police Department, smugly munching on half of a fortune cookie.
As he shoved his hands into the pockets of his suit pants, he descended the stairs as if he were listening to music; quickly, yet with an almost beat to it.
Pulling his hands out to pop the last half of the cookie into his mouth and unlock his car, he was caught off-guard with a loud, "OH LASSY~!"
The detective groaned, rolling his eyes. Stomping his feet a little as he halted, trying to make a bit of a show of it, he replied. "Yes, Spencer?" He tried adding as much sarcasm and spite into the two words he uttered, though the bit of fortune cookie left in his mouth made it sound much less threatening.
Shawn raced down the stairs to catch the older man. "So, what did your cookie say?" He tried acting excited, as if it held a big surprise.
Rolling his eyes again and sighing, Lassiter gave him an 'are-you-serious-you-bothered-me-for-that?' look. "If telling you will get you as far away from me as possible, then fine," he digs into his pocket to get the small slip of paper out. He held it up to read, only to realize it was upside down. He flipped it over and tilted his head at the same time. Reading it as if it were a chore, he managed to get out, "You will soon be confronted with new possibiliti-"
"IN BED! HA!" Shawn yelled, pointing at the man and jumping up and down a couple times. After seeing Lassiter's obvious look of 'what-the-hell-Spencer?,' he smiled. "What? You've never done the 'in bed' joke?" He acted shocked.
Lassiter crossed his arms over his chest. "No, Spencer, I haven't. No."
"Aww, you're no fun, Lassi!" Shawn smiled, waving as he left.
Lassiter could have sworn that Shawn had winked at him before turning to leave.
Shrugging it off, he quickly unlocked his car and drove off.
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Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 10:40 am
As Lassiter pulled into his driveway, he could swear he heard someone moving nearby. My God, he thought, if they threw me another surprise party I'm getting a restraining order. He pulled out his gun anyway and walked to the front door. He stood listening for a second. Yes, he definitely heard movement. He threw the door open and pointed his gun at the intruder...
And sighed angrily. It was just Juliet. "O'Hara," he bagan angrily.
"What? Oh, hi, Carlton!" She smiled and waved. "I came by to drop the files off, but you weren't home. I was going to just leave, but your door was unlocked and..." She trailed off, noticing that Lassiter looked like he was about to kill her. "Um... Is this a bad time?"
"Just... go home." Suddenly an idea struck him. "And you know what? I'm taking a vacation. Now."
"Oh! Really? Where are you going?" Juliet smiled. Again. "Ooh! Can I guess?" Without waiting for an answer, she immediately started. "Umm... Bermuda. Jamaica. Havana. Kansas. The Democratic Republic of the Congo. Umm...."
"I don't know where I'm going, O'Hara. Now GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"
"Oh... Right." Juliet said, backing out of the doorway. "Well, I'll see you when you get back from vacation! Have a good one!" Lassiter slammed the door in her face and booked a flight to Oklahoma.
***
Juliet met Shawn and Gus later the next day at Jamba Juice.
"Wait... Lassi's taking a vacation?!?" Shawn asked looking highly affronted. "Without me?"
Gus gave him the Shawn-you're-crazy look. "Shawn," he started, "he would... Hey... Where's my CocoLime Shake?
"It must have been the magical elves of Kernix... off... lington! Those little devils..."
Juliet smirked.
"Shawn, you drank my juice while I got up to get you those cheese fries, didn't you."
"Why would you say that, Gussy Goose? Have I ever done anything to hurt you?"
Juliet raise an eyebrow. "Gussy Goose?"
"It's a MySpace thing," Shawn answered. "But why do you think Lassi's taking such a sudden vacation?" he asked, quickly changing the subject from Gus's amazing dissappearing juice.
"well..." Juliet stopped to think. "I think he's just fed up. He's only solved three cases by himself since you guys came, and Shawn, he just hates your guts for it. That, and you're a bit annoying."
"Annoying? How am I annoying?" Shawn demanded. Blank stares from both sides of the table. Then Juliet started laughing and bent down to sip her drink.
There was nothing but air.
"Shawn..." she bagan furiously. She and Gus exchanged glances and both ran out of the restuarant as fast as possible.
"Aw, c'mon!" Shawn said to himself. He began to follow but was stopped by a burly bodyguard. "Did you pay for your drinks?" He asked angrily.
"Who do you think you're talking to? I am..." He wracked his brain for a non-hated politician. "... Baraqua O'Bama's copusin!"
"But you're white," the bodyguard replied quizzically.
In Shawn's most valley-girl like voice, he cried, "Oh! So now you're a racist. I guess you hate homosexuals, too!" Then he ran out crying, leaving a highly confused bodyguard behind him.
***
The next day, Shawn decided to float around the police station to see what he could see. Jules was doodling on her files, the chief was reading a book about how to raise your child, the black girl who had done a large part in keeping him out of jail without knowing it was rearranging her crystals.
Then he passed Lassi's desk.
McNabb was sitting there.
"Nabby?" he asked.
"Oh! Hey, Shawn! The Chief didn't have anyone to replace Lassiter for the week, so guess who got the job?"
"HANNIBAL LECTOR?"
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