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 Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 12:37 pm
Title: the As of Yet Untitled Psych Slash Story, Chapter One.
Author: FunSize
Pairing: Shawn/Lassiter
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Sadly. I own nothing.
WARNING WARNING: MAD CRAZY MOUTH-ON-HAND ACTION. READERS BEWARE.
"Aww, come on, Lassi!" The voice could be heard quite clearly throughout the entire police department. If it were any other person, the shouting would have drawn a crowd around interim cheif Vick's office; people crowding around the doors and windows, trying to get a look at what the fuss was about. But this was Shawn Spencer, and hearing him yelling at Detective Carlton Lassiter was no surprise to anyone.
"Cheif. I am not working with this....This," Lassiter waved his hand, motioning that he was speaking about Shawn. "I won't do it." He crossed his arms and looked sternly at the blonde haired woman seated in front of him.
"Detective Lassiter, I am quite aware of your...distaste for working with Mister Spencer, but you have no other choice."
Lassiter looked pleadingly at the blonde, but she showed no signs of giving in. Sighing, he turned and left, Shawn tailing right behind him.
"So, Lassi. About this partnership. I think it's really going to work. We should make it permanent. This'll be fun, come on-"
"Spencer, if I hear one more word come out of your mouth, you can bet that I'm going to have my fist so far down your throat you'll be tasting armpit." Lassiter glared at the man to his left while walking down the stairs, keeping his tone as calm as possible.
Shawn saw Lassiter's expression and decided it would be silly to risk losing his teeth.
----
The two stepped towards the dark vehicle, the summer heat of Santa Barbara making visible waves in the air around them.
Shawn got to the door first, seeing as the passenger side was nearest the sidewalk; Lassiter had to walk around the car. Impatiently tapping his foot on the hot pavement, the brown haired man-boy waited for his new partner to unlock the doors.
"Spencer, do you mind?"
"Wha-" the psychic acted as if he didn't realize his foot had been tapping. "Have I been doing this the WHOLE time? I swear," he looked down and made a show of stopping his foot, even going as far as holding his leg down with both hands. The detective across the car sighed and shook his head, unlocking his door.
Once Shawn heard the loud 'ka-chi' of the car being unlocked, he grabbed the handle and threw the door open. He nearly dove into the seat, immediately regretting grabbing the seatbelt.
"Owowowowowow!" he yelped, pulling his now scorched hand to his mouth, biting down on his now-throbbing index finger. Lassiter rolled his eyes.
"Car's been sitting in the sun all day, Spencer," he said, smirking a little. Before he could object, the hand in question had been shoved into his face.
"Kiss it, Lassi."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Lassi, the way I see it, this is all your fault. You didn't warn me. I think that qualifies as wreckless endangerment, and if you don't kiss it and make it better, I'll file charges," Shawn said matter-of-factly.
"Spencer, get your hand out of my face before I rip it off your wrist."
"Now, see, that attitude will get you nowhere." Shawn smirked a little. "Come on, just one little kiss and it'll all be over with."
"What happened to our no-talking policy, Spencer?"
"Oh, out the window. Definitely never would have worked, Lassi. You should have known that."
Lassiter made for the ignition, jabbing the key inside and twisting it until the car spluttered and the two were met with the uncomfortable pre-air-conditioning. "Spencer. Move. I need to be able to see to drive, and your hand in my face is really putting a stopper on the whole 'me seeing' thing."
"OH, but it BURNS!" Shawn moaned out, smacking his other hand on the side window. "LASSI, MY HAND. IT'S KILLING ME! QUICK! KISS IT SO IT STOPS BURRRNING!" He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, and panted as if it were a huge task to keep from screaming again.
"My GOD, Spencer. FINE." He roughly planted his lips onto Shawn's index finger, almost immediately pulling back. "Now, could you get your hand," he shoved the arm in front of him away, "away from my FACE?"
"Aww, Lassi. You don't wanna cuddle after?" He giggled from the passenger seat. Lassiter rolled his eyes and slowly applied pressure to the gas pedal.
He turned the wheel and drove off.
All subsequent chapters will be posted just under this sentence. ;D
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Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 10:13 am
There was a stony silence as the car drove down the steaming hot streets of Santa Barbara. Suddenly, the loud scream-singing of Avril Lavigne in "Girlfriend" filled the car.
"SPENCER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Lassiter demanded angrily. His teeth were clenched. If he got any more annoyed, they looked like they would shatter.
"Why, I have no idea what you're talking about!" Shawn yelled over the noise. "And what happened to no talking, Lassi? I thought you wanted that rule to be respected!"
Carlton turned of the radio in one angry motion. "Shawn, you are one of the most annoying detectives I have ever met and it is impossible to measure my hatred for you. I despise even knowing you exist."
"Now my feelings are hurt, Lassi. I need a hug."
"I'm NOT GOING TO HUG YOU!"
"But... but why? It's because of the deli case, isn't it? I'm going to female-dog-slap the crap out of that waitress!"
"No, Shawn. Just shut up or I will pitch you out of the road right here." This might not be an empty threat, considering the level of agitation Lassi was at.
"But Lassi! Normally I'd get Gus to do it, but now he's off at some nerd camp!"
"SPENCER! I AM NOT HUGGING YOU!"
"Fine. I guess I'm going to be emotionally scarred for life and die alone in a lonely grave and they'll save a sad LONELY corner of Limbo for me when my time comes! Unless I'm immortal. Which may change things."
Lassiter flexed his fingers and gritted his teeth.
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Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 10:17 am
Hahahha. I hadn't meant for it to be open for all, but why the hell not, eh?
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Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 10:30 am
--- The two stepped out of the car, fifteen minutes or so after their latest argument, which ended with Shawn flipping through the radio stations rapidly while watching Lassiter rolling his eyes out of the corner of his own.
"Spencer. Let's get some ground rules squared away now, before you run in there and do your stupid 'psychic' spasm thing you're so well-known for, alright?" Without waiting for an answer from Shawn, Lassiter continued. "You will not speak unless I ask you to, God knows what you might say to the victims. Second, don't do that stupid thing you always do, you know, when you-"
"Solve the case before you do?" Shawn interrupted.
"That's it. You're staying in the car."
"But...Lassiface..?" Shawn looked utterly shocked.
"No buts, Spencer," Lassiter said sternly. "Get in the car."
"Alright, fine, Lassi. But can you turn the car on so I don't die of heatwave?" Shawn thought this to be a reasonable request. As did Lassiter, seeing as after a moment of contemplation, he reached into the car and turned the key into the ignition, turning on the air conditioner.
Shawn hopped gleefully into the car while Lassiter went into the building to talk to the witnesses.--- No less than two minutes after getting inside, Lassiter heard loud music roaring from the parking lot.
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Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 11:31 am
Lassi cringed. As the victim was crying onto his shoulder about, "I thought he loved me," and whatnot, there was no way to politely excuse himself. So he settled for impolitely.
"Excuse me. There's an idiot in my car. This'll take a second." He then rushed out of the house.
"SPENCER!" He yelled at his car.
By way of greeting, Shawn replied, "I got us some donuts!"
After absorbing that statement, Carlton walked over to the car. "And how did you get said donuts?" he asked loudly, then turned the music off.
"Oh, c'mon Lassi! You're such a spoilsport! It was Gwen Stefani!" Then Shawn began singing. Loudly.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OOO! OOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOOO-OO! OOOOOOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOO! OOOOOOOOOO-OOOO-OOO! IF I COULD ESCAPE! AND RECREATE MY OWN WORLD!"
Carlton opened the car door and dragged Shawn out of the car. "THAT'S IT!" He shouted. " YOU'RE COMING WITH ME, SPENCER!" He took Shawn to the front door. "If you say ANYTHING to the family, I swear I will make your life a living hell."
"Lassi, you're running out of good threats. Haven't you even considered anything other than the all-purpose threat? That's like 'Your mother' as a comeback!"
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Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 11:46 am
Lassiter spun around and glared at Shawn. "Don't. You. DARE. Talk about my mother again."
Shawn smiled weakly as if to say, '...sorry?' and he would have, too, had Lassiter not looked so angry. The younger man obeyed the older for a while once they got inside, but after a while, could not hold in his thoughts anymore. Walking over toward a shelved wall where many vases and ornate glass works sat, freshly dusted, Shawn noted, he began prodding a vase lightly.
"Excuse me, Lassi, ma'am," he looked at each respectively, "but, may I ask where you got this beautiful clay sculpture?" He motioned toward one of the pieces stood.
"Well, I-" the woman started, though Lassiter quickly interrupted.
"Spencer....What exactly does that have to do with this?"
"Well, Lassi, I have a strong feeling that it has everything to do with the case at hand," Shawn said smartly, looking at his angry counterpart.
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Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 12:12 pm
"Well," the woman continued, throwing Lassiter an 'what-the-heck-why-not' look,"I got it on eBay. It was for really cheap too. But... what does this have to do with the case?"
"The spirits want to know the username of who was selling it."
"SiriuslyAwesome. It was an HP fan, I guess."
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Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 12:21 pm
"A Harry Potter fan..." Shawn seemed to ponder this for a few seconds. "QUICK, LASSI, WRITE THAT DOWN!"
Lassiter sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose, and shook his head.
"No, Spencer. You and I both know that has NOTHING to do with this case." Lassiter was on his last nerve.
"Well, Lassi, you don't know that it has something to do with the case, but I, being the psychic, of course, do. So write it down! Hurry!"
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Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 1:21 pm
Lassiter looked up at the ceiling. Why did he agree to this?
"Spencer, shut up or I will -I'm no good at threats, oky? Make one up yourself, lazyskins!-"
The girl looked shocked. "That's really violent. Have you ever tried yoga? It's very relaxing."
"I HAVE!" Shawn cried, throwing his hand in the air. "Write that down, Lassi."
Lassiter cringed angrily. "If it's that important to you," Lassiter said, handing Shawn the notebook, "you write it.
"YES! SCORE!" Shawn yelled happily. "Oh..." he said, looking at the past notes. "So your name's Aerena Herzgenvarmer?"
"Don't rub it in," she said sadly. "I blame my parents. That's why I get so worked up when my boyfriends leave me. I mean, how would you like to be stuck with a name like Herzgenvarmer? Last year I even tried to force my boyfriend to stay with me. Let's just say 'Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, it's time to sue.'"
"What was his name?" Shawn asked inquisitively.
"Mario Hall." She replied as if the name dug a new hole in a healing wound.
"Was he in the Mafia?" Shawn asked calmly.
"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" Lassiter yelled. "Just ask the witness questions and get the $%^&ing facts!"
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Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 4:41 pm
(( ninja
this makes me lol!!! xD XDDD))
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 9:58 am
If anyone wants to add...
Oh, and I'm gonna be gone for a week tomorrow, 'kay?
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 1:55 pm
AmyKaLi If anyone wants to add... Oh, and I'm gonna be gone for a week tomorrow, 'kay? ((okay! we miss you!! whee no, i dont want to write... its to amazing to touch.))
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