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 Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 6:20 pm
Name: Drew Aiden
Age: 26
Occupation: Retail Sales Person
Human Appearance:
Physcial:Somewhat Tall (5'9"), Brown Hair (worn short), Brown Eyes, average build, somewhat muscular, thin (weighing about 160 lbs)
Clothes: Usually wears Cargo pants or shorts (depending on the weather), T-shirts or tank tops, and a black leather coat during the cold months.
Personality: Extroverted and friendly
Background: Drew was raised in a fashion that let him study what he cared to study. His father always read him stories from other cultures, eventually leading up to Drew's love of Mythology and his studying myths from all around the world. The cultures though that really stuck in his mind was the Greek and Roman cultures with their Pantheon of Gods and Goddesses, and more importantly, the creatures known as Centaurs. After he graduated High School, Drew decided to major in Foreign Literature, with focus on Mythology. Drew studied the myths heavily, researching as much as he could, and wished to go abroad to study the myths in and around Greece, leading him to a conversation with a professor who helped Drew get an educational grant to travel to Greece to study the myths up-close and personal. While in Greece, he managed to get the attention of the creators of the Taurs while asking around, trying to find the homeland of the Centaurs and trying to find out the birthplace of Chiron, also known as Sagitarius. After one day of researching, Drew found a letter in his room, telling him to make his way to a pier on the island of Minos, and a ticket to get on a boat there.
Prefered Species Drew is spliced with:
1) Cheetah
2) Grey Wolf
3) Red Fox
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 4:03 pm
Fffh. It's so simple. gonk It looks like you have the capabilities to make a good, dynamic character, since you write coherently enough... Nevertheless, this is so cut-and-dry, it's very hard to get a founded picture of what Drew is really like.
First off, his personality is contradictory, so it really leaves him with no personality at all. Extroverted yet introverted? What does that mean, and how can somebody be two at once? It would make much more sense if you perhaps explained situations in which he acts extroverted, and places he'd revert to acting introverted. This plays into his social likes and dislikes, which could also be explained. What relationships does he have with people, and what is he like in certain settings? What would cause him to be in the mood to not talk to people? Does he have any underlying fears, or anxieties? There's a LOT more you could delve into with his persona - don't be afraid to take your time and really work on him, it's not like we're having a flat sale anytime soon. ;;
As for how he obtains the ticket, it's a bit far-fetched. I DO like that he has a definite interest in mythology - I haven't seen any character yet that has this trait in particular! It would play out very interestingly when he learns the truth behind all the gods and creatures he's fascinated with, and actually becomes one himself. (Perhaps you could play up this trait a bit? Give him a major in mythology, or ancient studies, or make him working towards that goal at the time, if you want) Despite this, he wouldn't obtain a ticket out of the blue from a professor who knew where centaurs originated - since... well, nobody knows this. XD This could only happen if he were somehow in league with the Kubri, with the job of actually sending specific people there to be spliced... Which is possible. ninja The professor would just have to be an ex-clan member, somehow related, or simply working for them. However, I think it makes more sense for Drew to be sent to Greece to simply study mythology, not search out taurs in particular.
So~ I actually rather like this character, he just needs to really be expounded upon a lot! <3 Keep going, this is a good start.
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Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2007 8:17 am
Ok, I updated the Bio. Sorry it took so long.
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Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 7:42 pm
Ah, the first mod-esque thing I've done in a few days. Feels good, I won't lie.
What doesn't feel good, however, is this PC. Despite the "changes" you've (allegedly) made, the results are frightfully insignifigant. The character's still very one-dimensional, and there just isn't enough information to give any true understanding of his background.
If you really wanna try, I'd suggest a full overhaul (following the guideline Ily laid out for new PCs), a serious reconsideration of... well, everything, and a more dedicated effort. 'Nuff said.
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