Where am I?
Nowhere. Everywhere. Really, anywhere. He could be anywhere on Earth he pleased. ...But did that mean anything? Everything? ...Nothing, he had seemed to decide long ago. This world he was free to explore, he was forbidden to touch. So...it meant nothing, in truth--but if it was all he had, wasn't it everything as well?
A little too philosophical for this late at night, though...
He laughed lightly. Late. As if time mattered to him. Him, who was nothing! A small shake of the midnight-haired head, utterly bitter humor glittering from the golden eyes framed in those shadowy locks. Time... Of that, he had plenty! Fifteen since he could remember--oh yes, eternal youth...eternal life, he supposed, and...no purpose to any of it!
And why?
No, best not to contemplate. He sighed thickly, raised a weighted topaz gaze to the hollow shimmer of stars scattered over his head and over the world that had rejected him from the beginning of nothing (that he pretended was everything and could really be anything). Scattered...celestial bodies abandoned and forgotten in the sky, just like he had been stranded here in a jungle of humanity and pointed loneliness. It wouldn't be so bad if he could just talk to someone... If he posessed the ability to feel this infinite world around him... But he couldn't.
What am I?
Please, not that question again! What was he? A ghost? A monster? A soulless, passionless wraith lost in empty thoughts and tossed aside by a higher power? Did he know? Of course not! He gritted his teeth, tried to kick a stone that had fallen into his path...unsuccessfully...his swinging foot flew through the rock, leaving it undisturbed. Untouched. He could feel anger pressing in on him again...fury that demanded answers to the questions he torured himself with, day and night (which were alike to him, sleepless a thing as he was) from something or someone who was obviously ignoring him and his pointless existance.
"Why not just kill me?? Why leave me here??" He yelled at the blank-faced forest of people around him. New York City, a place he found himself drawn to time after time in these, what months? years? of despair and pathetic self-pity. The sea of faces behind which hid human hearts and minds (to him unfathomable things) surged around him, in some cases through his unsubstantial form. Oh, and wasn't that the worst of it? They could brush right through him! This wasn't existance! This was being a cosmic outcast! And what power did he own that had the potential to deliver him from this echo of life, a form of death? Maybe...none. What if he was already dead? What if this was death? That each soul around him would someday share this fate, destined to watch life from the passionless eyes of the dead--never even aware that one was not alone in the eternal audience? Prayers, screaming fits accompanied by torrents of tears, begging sessions, pleading questions, all these he had made to the nothing that watched over him. Dark suspicions crept through him constantly, having little else to occupy his suffering mind.
Why won't you just answer me? Why do I have to be alone? Is this all there is for me?
"Is this all I deserve?" He whispered, staring at strangers who moved through and around him like half-imagined smoke. "You don't even know I'm here, do you?" He continued, stepping soundlessly into a street flickering with headlight illumination and bursting with car horn cries and wheel screeching. Darkness and artificial light danced in the flashing gold of his eyes between thin lacerations of black hair across his tear-soaked vision. He raised his arms, faced the traffic, and screamed a deep, gutteral growling moan from the center of his nonexistance and--
Nothing.
Cars flowed through him as though he wasn't standing there, arms raised, face flushed scarlet with dead-ended hatred for the knowledge that he was an immortal, untouchable nothing.
Nowhere. Everywhere. Really, anywhere. He could be anywhere on Earth he pleased. ...But did that mean anything? Everything? ...Nothing, he had seemed to decide long ago. This world he was free to explore, he was forbidden to touch. So...it meant nothing, in truth--but if it was all he had, wasn't it everything as well?
A little too philosophical for this late at night, though...
He laughed lightly. Late. As if time mattered to him. Him, who was nothing! A small shake of the midnight-haired head, utterly bitter humor glittering from the golden eyes framed in those shadowy locks. Time... Of that, he had plenty! Fifteen since he could remember--oh yes, eternal youth...eternal life, he supposed, and...no purpose to any of it!
And why?
No, best not to contemplate. He sighed thickly, raised a weighted topaz gaze to the hollow shimmer of stars scattered over his head and over the world that had rejected him from the beginning of nothing (that he pretended was everything and could really be anything). Scattered...celestial bodies abandoned and forgotten in the sky, just like he had been stranded here in a jungle of humanity and pointed loneliness. It wouldn't be so bad if he could just talk to someone... If he posessed the ability to feel this infinite world around him... But he couldn't.
What am I?
Please, not that question again! What was he? A ghost? A monster? A soulless, passionless wraith lost in empty thoughts and tossed aside by a higher power? Did he know? Of course not! He gritted his teeth, tried to kick a stone that had fallen into his path...unsuccessfully...his swinging foot flew through the rock, leaving it undisturbed. Untouched. He could feel anger pressing in on him again...fury that demanded answers to the questions he torured himself with, day and night (which were alike to him, sleepless a thing as he was) from something or someone who was obviously ignoring him and his pointless existance.
"Why not just kill me?? Why leave me here??" He yelled at the blank-faced forest of people around him. New York City, a place he found himself drawn to time after time in these, what months? years? of despair and pathetic self-pity. The sea of faces behind which hid human hearts and minds (to him unfathomable things) surged around him, in some cases through his unsubstantial form. Oh, and wasn't that the worst of it? They could brush right through him! This wasn't existance! This was being a cosmic outcast! And what power did he own that had the potential to deliver him from this echo of life, a form of death? Maybe...none. What if he was already dead? What if this was death? That each soul around him would someday share this fate, destined to watch life from the passionless eyes of the dead--never even aware that one was not alone in the eternal audience? Prayers, screaming fits accompanied by torrents of tears, begging sessions, pleading questions, all these he had made to the nothing that watched over him. Dark suspicions crept through him constantly, having little else to occupy his suffering mind.
Why won't you just answer me? Why do I have to be alone? Is this all there is for me?
"Is this all I deserve?" He whispered, staring at strangers who moved through and around him like half-imagined smoke. "You don't even know I'm here, do you?" He continued, stepping soundlessly into a street flickering with headlight illumination and bursting with car horn cries and wheel screeching. Darkness and artificial light danced in the flashing gold of his eyes between thin lacerations of black hair across his tear-soaked vision. He raised his arms, faced the traffic, and screamed a deep, gutteral growling moan from the center of his nonexistance and--
Nothing.
Cars flowed through him as though he wasn't standing there, arms raised, face flushed scarlet with dead-ended hatred for the knowledge that he was an immortal, untouchable nothing.
Wandering a hallway full of unintersting wonders
Doors line every inch of wall--but heavy locks
Prevent the pleasure of a treasure impossible to plunder
As windowpanes' tinted dreams taunt and mock
Twisting truth before me, hidden in smokey hues
A shadow detached from everything, just like me
A serpent writhes in agony, with evidences of bruises
Nothing now but truth deformed and fleeting
So, alone as always, living nowhere for no reason
I travel to the same place with a like intention
Of doing nothing for no one as if it was too easy
And not the hardest thing in the world--isolation...
Doors line every inch of wall--but heavy locks
Prevent the pleasure of a treasure impossible to plunder
As windowpanes' tinted dreams taunt and mock
Twisting truth before me, hidden in smokey hues
A shadow detached from everything, just like me
A serpent writhes in agony, with evidences of bruises
Nothing now but truth deformed and fleeting
So, alone as always, living nowhere for no reason
I travel to the same place with a like intention
Of doing nothing for no one as if it was too easy
And not the hardest thing in the world--isolation...
Who am I?
Cars and faces melted into the mosaic of flashing, swirling color around him as leaden tears stormed his vision. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. The loathsome word pulsed in his mind like a pagan drum as he screamed the answer to his own question of identity. "Nothing!! I am Nothing!!"
From the babble of detached voices and rushing traffic: "You finally admit it, then?" A deep, elegant woman's voice--hovering somewhere between the noise of lives emanating from the world he dreamed of touching and the empty plane where he served out his exile. But, more importantly--was it addressing him??
"A-are you...talking to me....?" He wiped his eyes free of blinding condensation and swiveled his saffron gaze, not sure who he was looking for, or that she would answer. Maybe he was just finally succumbing to insanity, and the voice had been a hallucination--how could he know? But somewhere...his heart? his desperate mind? he refused to believe that even the cruel sadist who had abandoned him here would tease him like this. Please...
"I speak to Nothing, yes." The feminine voice descended over his consciousness again like a misty rain--beauitful, gentle, but cold.
Still, he saw no one. "Wha-where are you-?"
"Here." The voice--and a dazzling light above him. It shimmered, an image set apart from the lights of cars and apartment lamps--a shining earthly star that was now taking shape...the form of a woman in twirling, long robes of illumination that faded into gossamer fabric flowing from a thin, moon-pale woman with long, navy-colored hair falling over her perfectly postured back and dangling thin lines over impossibly large violet eyes. Her mouth smiled, but it was a smile born of ice.
But who cared about a trivial detail like that? She was speaking to him!
"Who...?" He whispered, feeling the intimate passion of locking eyes with someone for the first time he could remember. Ah, electrifying and hypnotic at once!
"I have no name, I need none." The woman answered. "What I need--what the living world needs--is you."
Cars and faces melted into the mosaic of flashing, swirling color around him as leaden tears stormed his vision. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. The loathsome word pulsed in his mind like a pagan drum as he screamed the answer to his own question of identity. "Nothing!! I am Nothing!!"
From the babble of detached voices and rushing traffic: "You finally admit it, then?" A deep, elegant woman's voice--hovering somewhere between the noise of lives emanating from the world he dreamed of touching and the empty plane where he served out his exile. But, more importantly--was it addressing him??
"A-are you...talking to me....?" He wiped his eyes free of blinding condensation and swiveled his saffron gaze, not sure who he was looking for, or that she would answer. Maybe he was just finally succumbing to insanity, and the voice had been a hallucination--how could he know? But somewhere...his heart? his desperate mind? he refused to believe that even the cruel sadist who had abandoned him here would tease him like this. Please...
"I speak to Nothing, yes." The feminine voice descended over his consciousness again like a misty rain--beauitful, gentle, but cold.
Still, he saw no one. "Wha-where are you-?"
"Here." The voice--and a dazzling light above him. It shimmered, an image set apart from the lights of cars and apartment lamps--a shining earthly star that was now taking shape...the form of a woman in twirling, long robes of illumination that faded into gossamer fabric flowing from a thin, moon-pale woman with long, navy-colored hair falling over her perfectly postured back and dangling thin lines over impossibly large violet eyes. Her mouth smiled, but it was a smile born of ice.
But who cared about a trivial detail like that? She was speaking to him!
"Who...?" He whispered, feeling the intimate passion of locking eyes with someone for the first time he could remember. Ah, electrifying and hypnotic at once!
"I have no name, I need none." The woman answered. "What I need--what the living world needs--is you."
The hallway ahead seems so blank and hollow
But another mystery door has risen in my lonely path
And a force in my mind runs ahead, asking me to follow
I'm afraid to hope again, but now the lock melts in my hands
Fate has thrown open wide a destiny for me at last
After lifetimes of empty hopes masquarading as passion
To step through the only doorway through which I may pass
Is a divine purpose into which I appear to be crashing
Yet I embrace the coming challenge, not with confidence
But with the thought that I am nothing, and have only me to lose
This door is mine to step through, cursed by Providence
But though all has been against me, this is what I choose
But another mystery door has risen in my lonely path
And a force in my mind runs ahead, asking me to follow
I'm afraid to hope again, but now the lock melts in my hands
Fate has thrown open wide a destiny for me at last
After lifetimes of empty hopes masquarading as passion
To step through the only doorway through which I may pass
Is a divine purpose into which I appear to be crashing
Yet I embrace the coming challenge, not with confidence
But with the thought that I am nothing, and have only me to lose
This door is mine to step through, cursed by Providence
But though all has been against me, this is what I choose
What must it be like to have a purpose?
Like this! Needed? Him, needed? He wanted to laugh, the idea was so foreign--so utterly impossible to really believe! A grin would itself about his features, merely an expression of just how reeling his colliding thoughts were--her words versus years of this cruel banishment. "...Why?" He asked, painfully aware that this was the first time he had asked this question and actually expected an answer.
"Chaos has been reborn." The woman replied simply, her eyes distant--though still locked to his. "We need you to locate her, and to either kill her or bring her to me to destroy."
"Chaos?" Nothing echoed, his tone incredulous. "Why can't you find her?"
"We don't know who she is yet." The woman snapped back angrily.
He blinked. "...That doesn't make sense. How do you know Chaos is a girl? And reborn?" He hadn't yet bothered with the critical question of why this Chaos person was required to be destroyed, but he planned on asking in due time...
"Chaos' gender switches every time it is reborn. Last time, it was male." She shook her head with impatience. "Her presence fills the void with tension and fear--you can't feel it here because this is nowhere. But everywhere, it resonates strain across the world. The world's order is suffering from her existance... Which is why you must end it."
One less question to ask, then. Leaving only this one... "How do you expect me to find her?"
The woman looked down at her hands, and began to wring them in obvious consternation. "Well....I'm breaking a promise to do this..." She murmured, shook her head again. "No, this is more important...." She looked back to him. "You are Nothing...this is true...but you are also the one living being that posesses the ability to tap into the minds of the world. And this is the only method by which Chaos' identity can be discovered." Her eyes flashed shame. Why? But now she was speaking again... "We need you, desperately."
Nothing cocked his head and gave her a scrutinizing stare. Was that what desperation looked like? Probably... He glanced past her elegant form to the ocean of life about them. Their minds...tap into their minds... How was that possible? He'd never done it before... "All right... But I don't know what you mean when you talk about this...'ability' you believe I have..."
"You will." She stated quietly.
Like this! Needed? Him, needed? He wanted to laugh, the idea was so foreign--so utterly impossible to really believe! A grin would itself about his features, merely an expression of just how reeling his colliding thoughts were--her words versus years of this cruel banishment. "...Why?" He asked, painfully aware that this was the first time he had asked this question and actually expected an answer.
"Chaos has been reborn." The woman replied simply, her eyes distant--though still locked to his. "We need you to locate her, and to either kill her or bring her to me to destroy."
"Chaos?" Nothing echoed, his tone incredulous. "Why can't you find her?"
"We don't know who she is yet." The woman snapped back angrily.
He blinked. "...That doesn't make sense. How do you know Chaos is a girl? And reborn?" He hadn't yet bothered with the critical question of why this Chaos person was required to be destroyed, but he planned on asking in due time...
"Chaos' gender switches every time it is reborn. Last time, it was male." She shook her head with impatience. "Her presence fills the void with tension and fear--you can't feel it here because this is nowhere. But everywhere, it resonates strain across the world. The world's order is suffering from her existance... Which is why you must end it."
One less question to ask, then. Leaving only this one... "How do you expect me to find her?"
The woman looked down at her hands, and began to wring them in obvious consternation. "Well....I'm breaking a promise to do this..." She murmured, shook her head again. "No, this is more important...." She looked back to him. "You are Nothing...this is true...but you are also the one living being that posesses the ability to tap into the minds of the world. And this is the only method by which Chaos' identity can be discovered." Her eyes flashed shame. Why? But now she was speaking again... "We need you, desperately."
Nothing cocked his head and gave her a scrutinizing stare. Was that what desperation looked like? Probably... He glanced past her elegant form to the ocean of life about them. Their minds...tap into their minds... How was that possible? He'd never done it before... "All right... But I don't know what you mean when you talk about this...'ability' you believe I have..."
"You will." She stated quietly.
Through the newly unbarred door I step into mystery
Shrouded in unknown promises and whispered invitations
Wise hesitation now takes no precedence over me
And I'm sure to meet disaster or unforseen salvation
New-born questions stumble from the ashes of the answered
Yet stifled by the knowledge that the reply can be mine
Someday I'll know the forces by which my soul is lured
To yearn for the life across the world's double solid-yellow lines
For now the questions can wait to burn once more
Because the journey is about to start and I have final words
To tell to the nonexistant ones who taught me to implore
For something beyond the emptiness their presence preferred
Shrouded in unknown promises and whispered invitations
Wise hesitation now takes no precedence over me
And I'm sure to meet disaster or unforseen salvation
New-born questions stumble from the ashes of the answered
Yet stifled by the knowledge that the reply can be mine
Someday I'll know the forces by which my soul is lured
To yearn for the life across the world's double solid-yellow lines
For now the questions can wait to burn once more
Because the journey is about to start and I have final words
To tell to the nonexistant ones who taught me to implore
For something beyond the emptiness their presence preferred
Would it be hard to live? Not here, but out...there?
"Are you ready to do it?" The nameless woman asked him, giving him a blank stare--as though she were trying to rip her thoughts apart from what she was doing and saying.
Nothing thought a moment. Was he ready? Was he, really? He knew full well that he wanted to escape this plane of nonexistance, but was he truly prepared for the life beyond it? Did he even comprehend what his so suddenly announced duty was? "Are there...rules or anything?" He asked hesitantly.
"Naturally." She replied, a slight expression of relief overcoming her features briefly. She appearred glad to have something to distract her from whatever thoughts she was trying to evade. "But not many. Generally, don't create a relationship with anyone. Don't talk to anyone you don't have to in order to get to Chaos, don't become too close to those you do have to speak with. Kill her or tell me where she is so I can kill her, and do it alone."
"...Easy enough..." He muttered. He didn't know how to get 'close' to someone, it seemed doubtful he'd do it on accident. "How do I contact you from...," he struggled to find a name for it, "...from reailty?" The word seemed to fit.
"Say Chaos. I'll know you've found her." She stated.
Nothing nodded. "Do I have a time limit?"
She looked uncomfortable again. "...Sort...of..." She murmured. "You have as long to do it as you can stand to try."
He raised an eyebrow in piqued curiosity mixed with confusion. "I don't understand."
"Again--you will." She finally looked at him clearly, mouth drawn into a tight frown. "It's time to go, the void trembles..."
He nodded once more. Yes, time to go... He understood enough, it seemed, to satisfy her...so it must satisfy him as well... And it was with this thought that he watched the nameless woman lunge forward towards him and grip his shoulders and he realized that she was pulling him out of nonexistance...
Aren't we in the middle of heavy traffic?
This thought had barely replaced that of the idea that it was time to go when his consciousness was abruptly lost to a heartbeat of silence and utter darkness.
"Are you ready to do it?" The nameless woman asked him, giving him a blank stare--as though she were trying to rip her thoughts apart from what she was doing and saying.
Nothing thought a moment. Was he ready? Was he, really? He knew full well that he wanted to escape this plane of nonexistance, but was he truly prepared for the life beyond it? Did he even comprehend what his so suddenly announced duty was? "Are there...rules or anything?" He asked hesitantly.
"Naturally." She replied, a slight expression of relief overcoming her features briefly. She appearred glad to have something to distract her from whatever thoughts she was trying to evade. "But not many. Generally, don't create a relationship with anyone. Don't talk to anyone you don't have to in order to get to Chaos, don't become too close to those you do have to speak with. Kill her or tell me where she is so I can kill her, and do it alone."
"...Easy enough..." He muttered. He didn't know how to get 'close' to someone, it seemed doubtful he'd do it on accident. "How do I contact you from...," he struggled to find a name for it, "...from reailty?" The word seemed to fit.
"Say Chaos. I'll know you've found her." She stated.
Nothing nodded. "Do I have a time limit?"
She looked uncomfortable again. "...Sort...of..." She murmured. "You have as long to do it as you can stand to try."
He raised an eyebrow in piqued curiosity mixed with confusion. "I don't understand."
"Again--you will." She finally looked at him clearly, mouth drawn into a tight frown. "It's time to go, the void trembles..."
He nodded once more. Yes, time to go... He understood enough, it seemed, to satisfy her...so it must satisfy him as well... And it was with this thought that he watched the nameless woman lunge forward towards him and grip his shoulders and he realized that she was pulling him out of nonexistance...
Aren't we in the middle of heavy traffic?
This thought had barely replaced that of the idea that it was time to go when his consciousness was abruptly lost to a heartbeat of silence and utter darkness.
Standing on the thin precipice of all I know and understand
It seems to me that fear is destitute in its cruel endeavors
To make me quake at the sight of a little of Fate's plan
Though the fraction I see is already mired in shadowed moors
No, this is destiny pulling me forward with a forceful hand
Her face is veiled in a thousand masks I could never identify
If her grip weren't strong on my wrist, pulling so hard I couldn't stand
But despite the masks it is her intent which ensures she only hides
And hands me the duty with which we sped so fast together
She took a moment to embrace me as I stood there, bawling
She handed me burdens and cut my only relieving tether
Which was her, and over the line in my mind I am finally falling
It seems to me that fear is destitute in its cruel endeavors
To make me quake at the sight of a little of Fate's plan
Though the fraction I see is already mired in shadowed moors
No, this is destiny pulling me forward with a forceful hand
Her face is veiled in a thousand masks I could never identify
If her grip weren't strong on my wrist, pulling so hard I couldn't stand
But despite the masks it is her intent which ensures she only hides
And hands me the duty with which we sped so fast together
She took a moment to embrace me as I stood there, bawling
She handed me burdens and cut my only relieving tether
Which was her, and over the line in my mind I am finally falling
...What happened...?
Nothing was dully aware of a pressure on his back, and of an odd...heaviness? Some invisible force pressed against his body...drew itself into him...and escaped slowly through his half-open mouth.
For the first time, he was feeling air and the cold ground that now lay beneath him.
Touched him.
With a start, his eyes flew open as he sat up. Around him sat a thick forest drenched in the shadows of night, the ground he had been laying on spattered with the pattern of moonlight broken by the leaves and branches above him. Almost trembling with excitement and disbelief, he stared down at his own body, also decorated in this gorgeous mosaic of light and dark.
"I..." He raised his arm, looked at the ground under it... "...I have a shadow... I'm blocking light..... I'm...real...!" He exclaimed enthusiastically. "And...where am I?" Practicality suddenly came back to him. He was supposed to be doing something, right? Chaos... Supposed to find some woman named Chaos... Not that it would be that easy. Nothing doubted that was exactly the name she used...and he wouldn't know by looking, would he? ...No...he had to..."tap into" her mind, right? ...But how? He frowned, thinking. Reading minds was a mental thing, no? So...he probably just had to concentrate on it or something. "But...I want to...go to the city again, first." He mused, imagining with growing anticipation what it would feel like to walk through that crowd...and maybe even run into someone! Talk to someone! Adreniline pulsed in his mind, inspiring his body into action. It didn't matter which way he ran--civilization would be reached eventually. And once he found civilization and had a little time to enjoy himself, he could focus on--
"Ow!"
...Tripping.
"Oww...oww..." Nothing muttered, getting up to his knees--which were now stinging, scraped, and bleeding. He stared at the wounds with widening eyes, astonished at the pain. He'd fallen over something, and it had hurt him. "Awesome!" He breathed the word, exhilerated by the rush of wind in and out of his body. "Wow...wow....." He murmured repetitively, standing awkwardly. He just stayed there a moment, staring at his knees and finally lifting his yellow gaze to the forest around him again. Obviously, he would have to be more careful sprinting through thick underbrush--now being solid, or real, or whatever was the opposite of what he had been for the last...eternity? Regardless. He frowned, realizing finding civilization was going to be slightly more difficult than he had expected with this sudden inability to travel directly through objects and trees...trees especially. He sighed. Well...he sure didn't want to exert all the extra energy it would take to avoid these obstacles in the wrong direction... Why hadn't she dropped him off somewhere in the city? Or at least near it? ...Ah...she'd probably wanted to give him some time in private to adjust...maybe to try out.....
"...I'll just go towards the thoughts, right?" Nothing gave a half-smile. Well, no time like the present.
He closed his eyes, brought himself into himself. Concentrated what he supposed to be mental power into a single phrase he repeated in his head several times as loudly as he could: tap into their minds.
Silence.
Nothing.
His own whispering breath and the wind.
Then--everything.
"AHH! AGGH!" Nothing screamed, collapsing to his scabbed knees again. His head--his head was-- "MAKE IT STOP!" --It was being torn apart by hundreds-thousands-millions of-all of the words he had ever--and he was angry, exuberant, miserable, bored, excited, confused! Billions upon billions of images in his head--so many words--was this the world? Was Chaos in here somewhere? How could he sift through all of this--all of this everything!? "HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP??" He sobbed, holding his head in his hands. And the words kept coming!! Millions of them colliding into each other! How was he supposed to make sense of it? Any of it? Desperately, he grasped the next word he could understand as firmly as he could--"mommy!"--and the multitude of thoughts (he took them to be thoughts, the mind of the world around him) in his head faded into that single word...and a little girl named Mary shivering in her bed in Manhatten, calling out to her mommy because her big brother Gerald had told her about the Boogey Man and how much he liked to eat little girls like her--no, he didn't want her mind, he wanted silence! Peace!--because he was such a mean big brother...he had told her that he was friends with the Boogey Man--silence!--and that the Boogey Man had told him how tasty Mary looked--SILENCE!--Why were big brothers so mean?-- "Stop!" He shook his head violently, and opened his eyes.
Just a quiet roar now...like the ocean...
"That...." Nothing released his head, dropped his shuddering hands to his side. "...so intense... I can't...do that again, please..." He sat on his knees, staring into the depths of the forest, afraid of what he had agreed to do for the first time. He didn't think it would kill him--but his sanity...only companion of eternity, and he realized...that he was disturbed by the idea of...losing.....it.......these thoughts! So hard to....concentrate....... "This is why you dumped me off here alone, isn't it?" He muttered, finally dragging himself into a standing position once more. He blinked, and for a moment, the "quiet roar" became a screaming mess again. He shuddered, almost couldn't open his eyes again--and then he did, and...it quieted down again... "...Aww...come on...how'm I supposed to not blink??" A deadened stare at the path ahead. Oh, a path. Well, that was no credit to his perception skills, but at least he saw it now. A way to go--one way to go, always one way.
Of course, there's never really a choice, is there? Moral duty takes care of that.
Nothing was dully aware of a pressure on his back, and of an odd...heaviness? Some invisible force pressed against his body...drew itself into him...and escaped slowly through his half-open mouth.
For the first time, he was feeling air and the cold ground that now lay beneath him.
Touched him.
With a start, his eyes flew open as he sat up. Around him sat a thick forest drenched in the shadows of night, the ground he had been laying on spattered with the pattern of moonlight broken by the leaves and branches above him. Almost trembling with excitement and disbelief, he stared down at his own body, also decorated in this gorgeous mosaic of light and dark.
"I..." He raised his arm, looked at the ground under it... "...I have a shadow... I'm blocking light..... I'm...real...!" He exclaimed enthusiastically. "And...where am I?" Practicality suddenly came back to him. He was supposed to be doing something, right? Chaos... Supposed to find some woman named Chaos... Not that it would be that easy. Nothing doubted that was exactly the name she used...and he wouldn't know by looking, would he? ...No...he had to..."tap into" her mind, right? ...But how? He frowned, thinking. Reading minds was a mental thing, no? So...he probably just had to concentrate on it or something. "But...I want to...go to the city again, first." He mused, imagining with growing anticipation what it would feel like to walk through that crowd...and maybe even run into someone! Talk to someone! Adreniline pulsed in his mind, inspiring his body into action. It didn't matter which way he ran--civilization would be reached eventually. And once he found civilization and had a little time to enjoy himself, he could focus on--
"Ow!"
...Tripping.
"Oww...oww..." Nothing muttered, getting up to his knees--which were now stinging, scraped, and bleeding. He stared at the wounds with widening eyes, astonished at the pain. He'd fallen over something, and it had hurt him. "Awesome!" He breathed the word, exhilerated by the rush of wind in and out of his body. "Wow...wow....." He murmured repetitively, standing awkwardly. He just stayed there a moment, staring at his knees and finally lifting his yellow gaze to the forest around him again. Obviously, he would have to be more careful sprinting through thick underbrush--now being solid, or real, or whatever was the opposite of what he had been for the last...eternity? Regardless. He frowned, realizing finding civilization was going to be slightly more difficult than he had expected with this sudden inability to travel directly through objects and trees...trees especially. He sighed. Well...he sure didn't want to exert all the extra energy it would take to avoid these obstacles in the wrong direction... Why hadn't she dropped him off somewhere in the city? Or at least near it? ...Ah...she'd probably wanted to give him some time in private to adjust...maybe to try out.....
"...I'll just go towards the thoughts, right?" Nothing gave a half-smile. Well, no time like the present.
He closed his eyes, brought himself into himself. Concentrated what he supposed to be mental power into a single phrase he repeated in his head several times as loudly as he could: tap into their minds.
Silence.
Nothing.
His own whispering breath and the wind.
Then--everything.
"AHH! AGGH!" Nothing screamed, collapsing to his scabbed knees again. His head--his head was-- "MAKE IT STOP!" --It was being torn apart by hundreds-thousands-millions of-all of the words he had ever--and he was angry, exuberant, miserable, bored, excited, confused! Billions upon billions of images in his head--so many words--was this the world? Was Chaos in here somewhere? How could he sift through all of this--all of this everything!? "HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP??" He sobbed, holding his head in his hands. And the words kept coming!! Millions of them colliding into each other! How was he supposed to make sense of it? Any of it? Desperately, he grasped the next word he could understand as firmly as he could--"mommy!"--and the multitude of thoughts (he took them to be thoughts, the mind of the world around him) in his head faded into that single word...and a little girl named Mary shivering in her bed in Manhatten, calling out to her mommy because her big brother Gerald had told her about the Boogey Man and how much he liked to eat little girls like her--no, he didn't want her mind, he wanted silence! Peace!--because he was such a mean big brother...he had told her that he was friends with the Boogey Man--silence!--and that the Boogey Man had told him how tasty Mary looked--SILENCE!--Why were big brothers so mean?-- "Stop!" He shook his head violently, and opened his eyes.
Just a quiet roar now...like the ocean...
"That...." Nothing released his head, dropped his shuddering hands to his side. "...so intense... I can't...do that again, please..." He sat on his knees, staring into the depths of the forest, afraid of what he had agreed to do for the first time. He didn't think it would kill him--but his sanity...only companion of eternity, and he realized...that he was disturbed by the idea of...losing.....it.......these thoughts! So hard to....concentrate....... "This is why you dumped me off here alone, isn't it?" He muttered, finally dragging himself into a standing position once more. He blinked, and for a moment, the "quiet roar" became a screaming mess again. He shuddered, almost couldn't open his eyes again--and then he did, and...it quieted down again... "...Aww...come on...how'm I supposed to not blink??" A deadened stare at the path ahead. Oh, a path. Well, that was no credit to his perception skills, but at least he saw it now. A way to go--one way to go, always one way.
Of course, there's never really a choice, is there? Moral duty takes care of that.
Now standing off the edge of forever and fate
The decisions mean nothing now that I'm here
If I could refuse destiny, now it's too late
And it's taken me 'til now to start to fear
But just as it starts without obvious cause
Surely this will disappear as inexplicably
And the only one left to question defies all law
But as long as I accept this, that can't be me
So assured that fate will just drag me down
Into oceans of history being written as I end
While I float on the metaphor currents and drown
For the Greater Purpose I will never comprehend
The decisions mean nothing now that I'm here
If I could refuse destiny, now it's too late
And it's taken me 'til now to start to fear
But just as it starts without obvious cause
Surely this will disappear as inexplicably
And the only one left to question defies all law
But as long as I accept this, that can't be me
So assured that fate will just drag me down
Into oceans of history being written as I end
While I float on the metaphor currents and drown
For the Greater Purpose I will never comprehend
