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A small brown bat burst from its hiding place as a drop of water from a crack in the cave ceiling fell to the floor with a small 'plip', reverberating throughout the rocky cavern.

The cool, damp chamber had not a single wind to stir about the centuries of dust and grime. Earthy hued fungi grew on moist cave walls, where small trickles of spring water would run from the ceiling. Mosses and lichens of all sorts grew in litter bushy patches around the cave, and a few small flowers with tiny purple petals, something the commoners would call Alyssum, were found in some of the corners. A wide opening in the side of the caves wall led to another, small hollow, which was really just more like a hallway. The cave's opening widened, and then thinned again, where there was another opening into a larger cavern. Into this place a spring stream flowed.

This chamber was far different than the other two. Its ceiling was immensely high, and was open at the very top. A long thin stream of moonlight poured in and flared out along its walls, dimly casting some light in the cave.

Against the far side, a large gem was set into the wall, crystals of it protruding out in a star burst, as if someone had thrown a globe of amethyst there and it shattered and stuck. It glittered spectacularly, and gave off an iridescent purple glow.

At its base, a man knelt, hands pressed up against the gem's face, sobbing quietly. His neatly cut black hair shimmered with violet highlights from the amethyst.

"Why her?!" The man cried out with anguish. "Why did it have to be her?" He cried out again, smashing his hands up against the stone. His hands were smooth, and his fingers decked with gold rings of all sorts. The man's clean shaven face, except for a small goatee, gave the impression he was a wealthy man. He wore numerous layers of soft, cotton-like material in earthy tones; gray's, browns of many shades, and deep rich greens.

His physical state held no promise for his emotional one, which seemed to be in an outrageous upset. The stone twinkled back at him, innocent of his worries. The man, even in his dignified looks and wealth, still seemed pathetic and insignificant compared to the splendor of the cavern he resided in. The walls of this cave had seemed cleaner than the rest, as if people had come here to scrub them frequently. The chamber was also smoother, looking like someone has chiseled out the irregular bits. In the middle of the cave floor, in wonderful gold engravings, were intricate star patterns, overlapping and weaving together, and on the walls were designs; hieroglyphs that depicted the moon, plants, stars, animals and people dancing merrily around fires.

"I curse you!" The man screamed suddenly. "I curse you! All of you! Anyone who has ever been here, who has seen this stone's beauty. I curse you, so everyone you care for, and live by shall suffer. I curse you, so you and your loved one shall live in darkness like my daughter now has to. From those things that hold beauty, you shall feel pain. I curse you, by the elements that cursed my dear child. I end the sun's reign, and so shall the moon show you its true glory." He pressed his hands to the stone once more and closed his eyes, long lashes casting small shadows beneath them. He raised his head to the sky, facing the eerie glow of the full moon. The man whispered quietly to himself,

"And only the full moon's power shall heal the crime done, only then shall you know the true pain, and unbind the people from the claws of this curse."

A deep gong resonated through the cavern, like a grandfather clock when it strikes the hour, and the Amethyst Star emitted that glorious, radiant royal purple light, pulsating out around him until it filled the entire chamber.

What the sorcerer didn't see, was the small girl sitting in the corner, soft brown locks falling around her delicate, pale face. She crouched low, hiding behind an outcrop of rock in the cavern, watching the whole scene unfold, and scribbling furiously in a small black leather notebook. She quickly clasped a hand across her mouth to muffle the gasp that tried to escape her. The pale glittery light the star gave off swept across the room, and a pillar of light sliced across the ground just to the side of her.

Suddenly, the teen had heard footsteps and struggled to shove the black book, and her quill into the pocket of her ragged jacket. The jacket, which was quite thin, and black, scarcely covered an even more thin and worn brown camisole. A flowing brown skirt covered her legs, matching counter part to the camisole, and fell just to about her knees. She had just finished stuffing the quill into her pocket when the sorcerer, who was her master, swept out from around the corner, heavy boots leaving scuff marks in the loamy soil. The servant scrambled further into the shadows, but to no avail, the sorcerer sensed her presence, as those with magically bound servants do, and stopped abruptly, peering around for her.

"Girl!" He snarled, pulling the teen to her feet. The petrified girl shook horribly, and bowed the moment she was steady on her feet.

"What the hell are you doing here servant?" He spat. "What give you the right to lurk around after me like an infantile whelp?!" Rage had boiled up again inside him.

"I-I'm s-sorry!" She gasped. "I d-didn't mean to, I -"

"Of course you did brat!" He snapped at her, and swung a backhand across her face. The girl collapsed to the ground with a muffled cry, and her head smacked sickeningly against the wall. The girl was not dead however, and was merely unconscious, breathing slowly and shallowly. As she fell, the book slipped from her pocket and hit the ground with a soft flump, falling open at the page she has just been writing in. The sorcerer looked down and snatched up the book, slightly concerned for the girl whom he hadn't intended to hit her head. He held the book open with his thumb, and cast a small ball of magical fire to read by. He held his palm alight with the flame over the book, and after reading the first two lines, he knew she had seen.

...I think Master has gone mad. He's yelling and cursing at the whole world, and I heard something about darkness and the moon...

"Damn you Zoey!" He yelled in a towering rage flaring again. The man shook his left hand once, and the flame that resided there was extinguished. He made to throw the diary, but thought better of it, and slipped it into his pocket again.
Fuming, the sorcerer strode off through the cave, with his cloak dragging through the stream and his boots making squelching noises with each step. He left the girl lying unconscious with a trickle of glimmering, crimson blood leaking down from under her hair.

Whispers followed the man from the cave, concealed deep within the mountain, almost like a cruse from the innocent souls he had just wished misfortune upon.

'And so it begins...'

I really liked this piece- once I got to the end, it left me wanting to read more and I thought you introduced the characters very nicely. As mentioned, lots of commas which are unnecessary, and near the end a few of the sentences didn't make sense most likely because you were getting tired after writing so much. I thought it did a great job of drawing the reader in and even though there was alot of detail I wasn't bored out of my mind. Good job!

Well I'm not saying you cut it out. Just establish the presence of at least one character really early, then describe the setting, then carry on the plot. I mean, the setting-first thing works fine in movies, when you can have cool, spooky music playing and stuff, but you have to draw the reader in with more in writing. razz

"Ow, Sadie!" I heard a crack in my back as my best friend landed on me with a hoarse screech.

"S'only a movie," I mumbled, while trying to shove her off, scowling. I snickered to myself as Sadie clutched the blanket and clamped it against her. The next scene in the movie began with glass shattering. This of course, to only Sadie's surprise, caused her to squeak and launch herself on top of me again.

Irritably I shoved her off.

"D-d'you wanna go upstairs now?" Sadie stuttered. I laughed again and groped for the remote. With a click I shut it off and we headed up the stairs. Thirst lead us to Sadie's kitchen where we grabbed drinks from the fridge.

"Kori, guess what?" Sadie's face lit up and she took a gulp of her drink.
"What?" I asked automatically.

"My dad got the job at John's shop," she blurted happily, practically bouncing her in seat.

"Sadie that's awesome!" My words hardly expressed how I felt. My dad, who had crafted swords, had died in a car accident when I was three- hence I don't remember him. I was raised by my mother, Janet, living in a small town which basically only existed because of Cathral - a larger city a few kilometers south of us.

"Korina!"

Sadie's shout brought me back to present tense.

"You used my full name?" I muttered distractedly. No one had ever used my full name regularly, and if it was used, it was because I was in serious trouble.

Sadie laughed.

"Girl, you were miles away."

"Hmm? Oh, heh... I Was thinking about my dad?" I drifted off again, idly starting at smiling pictures of little children, posted up on her walls.

"Again, Kori? You don't remember him much do you," She probed gently at my thoughts.

"No, but my mom says he had a great laugh... Deep, full of contentment." Sadie cast her eyes uncomfortable down. She hated when I spoke about my dad.

"Well..." She faltered for a moment and I looked up at her, waiting for her to continue.

"Let's go to my room, we can watch T.V. in there." I smiled weakly, guessing this was her attempt to cheer me up.

"Alright."

We grabbed a bag of chips and trudged up the stairs.

After collapsing on her floor with the bag of chips and a few magazines, we turned on Sadie's T.V. and began the vegetating process- watching some crime show.

I began flicking through he pages of the magazine, glancing quickly at pictures of the pristine models and superstars, without a hint of envy.

"Kori, look," Sadie nudged my shoulder with her foot from where she was laying on her bed.

"Hmm? Aw! That's disgusting!" I gasped and averted my eyes from the T.V. Closing my eyes and I shaking my head, I attempting to rid the picture of the man, whom was severely rotten and mangled, out of my head. I snapped my eyes back open, yet the image of his blank misty eyes loomed up at me.

"Thanks," I muttered sarcastically, "Thanks a bundle Sadie, for the wonderful rotting man," I grinned slightly.

"Aw, you're welcome Kori," she cackled, "Pay back from not being a... comforting friend during the movie." She was mocking me. Pfft, I thought. Her emphasis on the words 'comforting friend' was slight, yet effective.

"Well if you weren't such a panzie..." I let my last words slip teasingly. Sadie hurled her pillow at me and it hit me squarely in the face. I glanced up at her with a mock scowl.

"Oh boo." I then proceeded to throw my empty pop can at her and allowed myself a moment of laughter as the can made a hollow sound while hitting her head gently. My laughter was cut short as she launched herself at me, tackling me back towards her closet.

The impact sent both of us into the closet door, which slid open.

"Sadie!" I pushed her out of the way and shielded my head with my arms. The shelf in her closet teetered dangerously, and before I had a chance to move, toppled downwards- right on me. My next comment was muffled buy the avalanche of books, photo albums and the like, burying me. I guess Sadie heard me fluent stream of curses, because she burst of laughing before coming to drag me out of the rubble. Sadie grabbed my arm and pulled and we flopped onto the ground.

"Ah... I hurt my arm." I looked down and saw a few bruised red spots along my arm. A few seconds later, looking back on the incident we both burst out laughing.

"Alright, we gotta get this cleaned up before my mom wonders what tornado blew through here," Sadie said between peels of laughter. I nodded and we began picking up the books and stuffing them in her closet. The last thing remaining, and old photo album of Sadie's, I picked up and varied back to the bed.

I flicked through the first few pages, which I had already seen, to a couple of new ones which had been added recently. I smiled back at the picture of Sadie, her brother, and her mother smiling up at me. I remembered taking this picture from a few months ago at the starting of spring when her dad went away for a job interview.

Then I remembered something that had always bothered me- the absence of family album's in my life. I wondered why Janet had never kept any around. She would never tell me anything of our past, or dad. I figured she was silently grieving still, and wasn't letting it show through. I had never pressed the issue further.

Snapping from my reverie, I glanced of at the clock.

"Holy, Sadie!" I blinked a few times. "No wonder were so tired, it's..." I glanced up to confirm the time, "... Three thirty... A.M.!" I finished with a laugh, flopping down onto the pillow and blanket behind me.

"Enn..." Came her response. I figured that meant 'Yes, you can tell, I'm already half asleep'.

I curled up on the floor amidst the pillows and blankets, black hair splayed out around me, and then glanced up at Sadie.

She was laying, eyes half closed, mauled by a twisted clump of blankets. Just as I was drifting off, a movement caught my eye. Sadie slid the photo album I had been looking at under her pillow. I smiled to myself silently, but felt a pang of jealousy at her family.

"G'night," I muttered. I got no response.