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 Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2007 7:37 am
TITLE:
Rating: G. My young eyes...
WARNINGS: Hand-to-talon cantact. Fearsome.
[Feel free to add. I may add as well. At some point.]
Shawn was once again employing his 'sneak-against-the-wall' tactic in the pristine halls of the SBPD. Gus was ruining the effect by walking normally next to him.
"GUS! You're ruining the secrecy," Shawn hissed. He grabbed Gus's sleeve roughly and pulled him towards the wall.
"SHAWN!" Gus yelled. "THIS IS A HUNDRED DOLLAR SUIT. I WAS GOING TO WEAR IT TO MY APPRAISAL LATER!"
"Gus, I broke a thread. Now shush." After all, he did need to overhear what the new case was about.
Suddenly Jules walked out from the room with Lassiface. And...
"What is that on your shoulder? Is it some kind of deranged cat?"
Jules giggled. "No, Shawn, it's a parrot! I named him Clue!"
"AWRK!! Pretty birdy! Pretty birdy!"
Lassiter did NOT look happy with his new partner.
"YES! I love the birds!" Shawn yelled. Gus cast him a very strange look then. Shawn tried to pet Clue...
And the parrot bit down.
"Ah! AAA-AH! He's not letting go! Ah-ah-ah!"
"Bad Clue! BAD!" Juled slapped the bird on the head. He just bit harder.
Lassi smirked.
"Ah! Dark waves! DARK WAVES! This thing is like, possessed! And why have I been through so much finger trauma lately?"
Gus finally decided to help. As soon as he touched the parrot, it let go and walked onto his hand.
"Awww! Clue likes you!" Jules simpered. Gus treated the bird like the plague. Then Jules turned to examine Shawn's cut. "Well, it's not that deep, but you might want to get that checked. I've had worse."
"Umm... Does this thing have any diseases? And why is it in the PD?"
"Detective O'Hara didn't want her new bird to be lonely while she was at work." Lassi looked like he thought anyone who was afraid to leave a parrot at home was a complete idiot. "Well, we have to go to a meeting. A serious meeting. That you are not allowed to follow us to. So don't even try or I will-"
"Carlton, what did I say about threatening people?" Jules put on her little pleading look. Then she realized something. "Oh no! I can't bring Clue into the meeting!" She turned to Gus and Shawn with the same facial expression.
"We'll watch him." The response was automatic. Afterwards, Shawn and Gus argued about who actually said it. The culprit didn't matter- it was the aftermath.
"Oh, will you?" Jules gave them quick hugs. "If he gets hungry, he eats-"
"Baby wolverines?" Shawn guessed.
"No. Parrot food. Thank you, guys!" She and Carlton went down to the meeting. She was nearly skipping.
Shawn tried to pick up the parrot again. It immediately dug its claws into his finger. He tried to shake it off, but that made Clue dig in harder.
"Aw, COME ON!"
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Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2007 11:38 am
(I had to... I absolutely had to.)
Shawn trailed behind Gus as they walked into their shared Psych offices, groaning loudly and protesting every movement that damn parrot made.
"Oh, Gus!" he whined. "You can't be serious! It's a stupid bird."
"Juliet entrusted Clue to us," Gus snapped. "We are going to take care of this bird until she comes to pick him up. That's the end of it, Shawn."
"Fine," Shawn sighed, throwing himself into his chair. "But I'm not feeding it anymore."
"You haven't fed it once."
"Oh yeah? My finger begs to differ!" He held up his freshly bandaged finger and pouted a bit.
Gus rolled his eyes and went to his desk, setting the parrot down on the back of his chair. Clue steadied himself on the chair and began a sideways bird pace, back and forth, side to side on Gus's chair.
"Aww, cute," Shawn chuckled. "I bet it's plotting my demise."
"Grow up, Shawn," Gus said. "Now, I'm gonna go get us some take-out. Watch Clue while I go?"
"Make sure you get chicken," Shawn hollered at Gus's retreating back. "Or pheasant!"
He turned back to the bird with a scowl on his face.
"Oh it's on," he told the bird, staring meaningfully at it. Clue bobbed his little bird head and said nothing, as most birds would be inclined to do.
"Don't you speak?" Shawn chided, pulling a tin of pencils closer to himself. He began sharpening one, his eyes never leaving Clue. "You did in the PD."
"Pheasant," Clue squawked. "Pheasant."
Shawn's eyes went wide. "You're a quick learner! I like it..." He stood up and moved closer to the bird, though still keeping his distance.
"Okay, now try this," he said. "Shawn Spencer is a genius..."
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Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2007 1:46 pm
Shawn Spencer is a genius. xD nice.
ha your lil sig. thing said something about Shawn Spencer being your homeboy! XD ok, I'll shut up. =]
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Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 9:51 am
"SHUT UP, NUMBSKULL! AWWWWWWWRK!"
"I don't like you, little bird. Your mother was a crow! A fat old crow!"
"Your mother! Awwwwwrk!!!"
"Oh, so you repeat that..." Shawn looked at the bird with distaste. "I bet if you were a human, you'd be the toilet cleaner of the toilet cleaner of the janitor of the janitor of the garbage collector of the garbage collector of the sewer cleaner of the sewer cleaner of the pedicurist of the pedicurist of the bloodworm collector of the queen of Sheba!!!!"
"Awwwrk! You're a dirty pirate! Awwwwrk!"
"I really dispise you, you know that? The only thing yu're good at isd annoying people. Like me."
"Free doughnuts on Main Street!"
"I thought you'd say-" Shawn did a double take. "Wait- Donuts? For free? On Main Street?"
"Pineapple! Awwwrk!"
"C'mon, useless mongrel!" Shawn shouted with glee. "We're goin' donut hunting!"
---
When Gus returned back to base, he found a scrawled note from Shawn.
Little Gusling,
The demon bird and I have gone to Main Street. Free donuts! And he said something about pineapples! He's helpfuler... Helpfuller? Usefuller... No... See you later,
Psychman and the Dark Ostrich
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Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 11:37 am
(Wow, you're awesome! I seriously fell out of my chair laughing... "helpfuler... Helpfuller? Usefuller... No..." XD )
Gus tossed the note aside and rushed back out to the car, grumbling all the while about donuts, birds, Shawn being crazy, and something about Spongebob Squarepants... As he drove down Main Street, he began searching for a donut shop, or a fruit stand, or a motorcycle that resembled Shawn's. He found none.
Finally, after about half an hour's drive, he gave up, parking in front of a Dairy Queen and slamming his head down on the steering wheel. The horn blared at him and he jumped back, staring wide-eyed at the offending sound-maker.
And somewhere in the car, the sounds of some 80's techno song Gus had long forgotten the name of rang out, causing him to jump and hit the horn once more. He found his cell phone and rolled his eyes when he saw that it was Shawn calling. Answering it, he nearly screamed,
"Shawn? Where the Hell are you?"
"Why, Gus, you silly goose. I was just going to ask you the same thing." Shawn's voice was dripping with irony and sarcasm. A faint squawking could be heard in the background.
"Shawn, how'd you even manage to pick that bird up without it biting your fingers off?"
"Oh, Demonic-Pumpkin and I get along much better now," Shawn said, his tone stating that he was completely pre-occupied with something else. "So, where are you, my extra-sensory perceptionarily challenged friend?"
"I'm on Main Street wi-" Gus stopped and pulled the phone from his ear a moment. "'Perceptionarily?"
"It's a word!" Shawn grumped. "Totally is. Ask DP."
The sounds of a phone being shifted and then a loud squawk followed by, "Perceptionarily! Awwwrk!" met Gus's ear.
"See?" Shawn beamed. "If he knows it, it must be a real word."
"Shawn, all that bird does is repeat things. Things it's heard."
"Well, then it must have heard someone say that word. And if someone said it, then it's real."
Gus tried to counter that, but stopped himself. He shrugged. Shawn did have a point, the way he'd worded it. The word was real. It did exist. That didn't mean it was proper, just meant that it was there.
"Alright, Shawn," Gus sighed. "Where are you?"
"Well," Shawn said. His cell phone cut out and suddenly, the passenger-side door opened. Gus turned in time to see Shawn, laiden with pineapple fruit in one hand, pineapple smoothies in the other, and a donut-bag hanging from his teeth. Clue sat delicately on his shoulder.
"Take something!" Shawn growled around the donut bag.
Gus grabbed the bag, then the smoothies, situating them in the car's cup holders.
"See? The bird came through for me after all!"
"And that's why you've got bird crap down your shirt?" Gus laughed, pulling the car out of the parking space.
"Aw, come on!" Shawn screamed, turning to glare at the bird. As he did so, the bird fluttered back and clamped its beak down on Shawn's nose. "Not funny," Shawn told it quietly, and the bird quickly let go.
Gus roared in laughter.
"So now what?" he asked.
"Well," Shawn leaned back a bit and began to sip his smoothie. "Clue here is going to help us solve a crime..."
"What?"
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 8:56 am
XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD We're all geniuses here.
"C'mon, Gus, you're such a stubborn little zebra! Open your mind to the possibilities!"
"POSSIBILITIES! AWR!"
"Such as leaving little presents on the culprits? Or is he for telling us where to get ground-shattering clues like, "Free donuts on Main street"?" Gus asked.
"Birdiline... Tape recorder." Shawn said. "And birdiline is too a word!" He cut in quickly enough to stop Gus from any interjections.
"Ummm... Yeah, Shawn? We might have a bit of a problem with that."
"AWWWWWWWWRK!!!!!!!!!!!!" The parrot proved Gus's point before he mentioned it.
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 10:30 am
(Wow, this is awesome! XD)
Shawn slapped a hand to his forehead.
"Alright," he admitted. "So, he's not the best helper or tape recorder, but... it's a thought."
"Do you have any idea how difficult it would be to train a parrot in what it repeats? Most of the time, you have to repeat something a lot before the bird'll actually pick it up. Don't you know anything about parrots, Shawn?"
"No," Shawn said, staring at Gus. "But apparantly you do. Let's see, Gus. What's that now? Spelling, drugs, bad bands, and birds?"
"Just because I pay attention to different things than you," Gus snapped. "Besides, bird watching can be very calming after a hard day's work."
"Work?" Shawn laughed. "Gus, you play video games and talk on the phone all day. If that's work, I hate to ask what you call our Space Invaders tournaments."
"Shawn, why do you wanna use a bird?"
"The tax exemptions."
"Now you're stalling."
"Okay, fine," Shawn sighed. "I might have made a stop past a crime scene, in which I might have run into Lassiter, sans Jules, and he might have said a few things that made me kind of angry... And I might have, maybe, a little bit, pulled a bit of a psychic episode, in which the bird... helped."
"SHAWN!" Gus bellowed.
"Gus, hear me out!" Shawn put up his arms in defense. "It was down at the pet store. It was perfect timing."
"What happened, Shawn?"
"Well, it looks like murder."
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 4:15 pm
*nerdsnort times infinity*
"It's not going to be the "little boy-cat" thing all over again, is it?" Gus asked.
Shawn raised an eyebrow. "Gus, this is completely different. It's a large boy parrot. And besides, you can't prove murder if there's no body."
"Just answer me this, Shawn- does the bird get shotgun?"
"SHOTGUN! AWWWRK!"
"Now he does." Shawn smirked a little. Gus shook his head and turned to walk away like so many times in the past. "C'mon, Gussy Goose! We can't discriminate just 'cuz he's a macaw! He said shotgun! It's in the rules!"
"No, Shawn. Just no."
"... I'll give you the George Washington wig ou wore that Halloween when we were in sixth grade back, " Shawn mumbled. "Not like I have it or anything..."
"YOU were the ninja? But you were Godzilla that year!"
"That was the costume I wore for the 'Subculture Unite!" club. I'm sorry Gus... It was so tempting... But I'm not giving it back unless you stick with me for this case."
Gus nodded in the way a sleeping ram would twitch its head if it were having a dream about man-ram fights.
I love making up random non-hackneyed metaphors.
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 4:22 pm
(Ironically... watching Nine Lives right now.)
"Yes! He's a happy sidekick!" Shawn crowed, setting the bird in the front passenger seat.
"No," Gus said quickly. "I am not a sidekick."
"C'mon, Gus! You're Magic Head!"
"No, Shawn! I am not Magic Head anymore. That was a one-time thing. Now, get in the car, and let's get the hell outta here!"
"Fine, be a grumpy goose, Gussy." Shawn snagged the keys from Gus and, as Gus slid into the seat behind the bird, sat in the driver's seat and started the car.
Gus buckled up and leaned back, stiffening suddenly.
"Shawn, be nice to this car," he warned.
"Company car, got it," Shawn said, kicking the car into gear. He tore out of the parking space without a look back and drove on to the SBPD, to talk to the chief.
"SHAAWWWNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!"
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 5:19 pm
"YOU DO NOT FLOOR THE LITTLE BLUE CAR!" Gus yelled. He was beside himself.
"No, Gussy-banana-fanna-fo-fussy, it's the Psychmobile. And who said anything about flooring? I prefer the term 'eager footing.'"
"Eaaaager! Eeeeeeeeeeeeger!!!!!"
"I love this bird."
"It had your phelanges for lunch."
"My... what now?" Shawn turned around to look at Gus.
"Look at the road, Shawn! And they're your finger bones."
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 5:46 pm
Shawn's eyes returned to the road and he squealed the Psychmobile to a stop. Gus was out of the car in an instant, reaching out his hand for the keys.
"Now, Shawn," he growled. "Out."
Shawn shouldered the bird and got out of the car, tossing the keys at Gus. He strolled into the SBPD as if nothing had happened. Gus followed him at a run after he checked the car to make sure it wasn't damaged.
"What are we doing here?" he asked.
"I need to have a vision, Gus, and what better place to do so then here?"
Shawn walked into headquarters and down the hall to the chief's office, where Vick sat with her head leaned back in her chair, a file folder resting in her hands.
"What do you want, Spencer?" she asked as he walked in.
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Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 10:10 am
"Why, hello, Chief. How are you-" Shawn suddenly doubled over as if punched in the gut. "Ah- ah! I'm sensing- pins clattering to the ground-" He moved his hand in an upward ark repeatedly. Clue was once again doing the "plotting-your-demise" walk. "Sketchers-Adidas-Keds-Airwalk- no, no-" The parrot flew over to Shawn's hand. "What's that, little guy?"
"Get ON with it, Spencer!" said a rather irritated Karen Vick.
"Strikes-spares-that one episode of Monk... Bowling!" Shawn got out of the psychic seizure. "We have a hardcore bowler. His right shoe is under-" He moved his hands around and pulled out the average child's first shadow puppet. "The adorable little bunny rabbit cages! CHECK MaCDADE BOWL FOR SIZE 11 MALE HARDCORE BOWLERS!"
"That was more specific than usual..."
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Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 6:01 pm
"Yes, well, sometimes the spirits are in a giving mood," Shawn said knowingly.
"Yeah...We'll be looking into the information," Vick began, crossing her arms. "We'll call you if we get anything."
"Are you serious? That's it? I give you gold and all I get is a 'we'll call you'?" Shawn exlaimed, unable to help himself.
"I said, we'll call you, Mister Spencer. Mister Guster, will you please escort your...friend back to wherever it is you were previously?"
Gus nodded and grabbed Shawn's arm, steering him out the door. Best friend or not, Shawn was NOT going to get him in trouble with the Interim Chief. Nobody would survive being on her bad side.
"BURTON, STOP BEING A DERANGED ANTELOPE!"
"SHAWN! I told you, don't call me that!" Gus yelled, now fed up.
"Hehe. Gus, come on! Loosen up," Shawn smirked.
"AWRKK LOOSEN UP."
Gus glared at the bird. "YOU stay out of this." He pointed his finger at the bird angrily, then decided he'd rather keep it, and withdrew.
"AWRK!" The bird flapped angrily. Shawn pat its head to console it.
"Shh. Big Bad Burton didn't mean it," he said lovingly while still patting the bird.
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 2:58 am
The bird let out a shrill squawk, flapping its wings wildly. "Size eleven male hardcore bowlers!"
"I told you large boy parrot is smarter than he looks." Once again, Shawn pet Clue on the head lovingly. "Now Burton, to the pet store! We gotta get us some clues!"
The bird squawked.
Gus rolled his eyes. "Not you."
Into the Psychmobile and to the pet store they went, doing their usual sneaking, eavesdropping and observing. Shifty cashier, the smell of bunny poo, and a crime scene.
Shawn leaned against the stacked bags of dog food. "I've got it."
"You know who killed them?" Gus seemed to perk up some with the hopes of it. Or maybe it was just the hope of getting rid of Clue.
Chuckling and waving his hand to dismiss the idea, Shawn shook his head. "Ffs, no! But I know what kind of food we should get Clue, I know that I am never going to try and eat his food--I tried little boy cats' food once, it was horrible--and I know how they killed ol' so and so over there."
"You tried cat food?"
"Yes. Doesn't everybody?"
Clue screeched out the words, "I'VE GOT IT," reminding the two of their pre-banter situation.
With a quick thanks to Clue, Shawn nodded. "Bowling ball."
"Bowling ball, Shawn?"
"Duh. Think about it. They can't find the weapon, blunt force trauma. So totally a bowling ball."
"BOWLING BALL," Clue cackled.
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Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2007 11:22 am
Gus stared at Shawn for a very long moment before turning sharply and promptly leaving the pet store.
Shawn's jaw dropped and he high-tailed it after Gus, grabbing his arm.
"Dude?" he asked quickly.
"Shawn," Gus rounded on his friend. "Just because there were bowling shoes involved doesn't mean it was a bowling ball that hit the guy. It could have been a bowling pin. Or, it could have been something lying around this very store."
"Your point?"
"My point is, this is gonna turn out just like the tanning salon!"
"Gus! That case did have something to do with tanning!"
Gus shook his head. "We investigated a tanning salon, saw your dad in a bathrobe, and learned about his metrosexuality all because the culprits had tanlines where their wedding bands belonged."
"Okay," Shawn growled. "I'll admit, I did get a little over-excited with that one, but... we still got them, right?"
"After a horrible date played out by me."
"You're not the only one who suffered during all that, you know." Shawn turned and took another final glance at the room. "I still say bowling ball."
Gus threw his arms in the air and walked out to the Psychmobile.
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