So I mention that it seems I do not have a life anymore. I still go out with family, but besides that I mean stuff around the house (already mentioned). So what can I do? Should I just stop everything now and watch as my grades drop or continue to stress out over school and feel absent on some of my favorite things to do? Balance is something to consider, but it can be very hard when you want to do everything and I guess have this so called "Perfect Life". Perfection is something that I have been trying to get for a long time, and it is something that is not possible, but yet I still work hard to "achieve" it even though I am actually hurting myself in different areas. I want to be at the top or in the "Top 5" when I graduate (or at least "Top 10" wink which means for the most part all A's. Then I also want to have a personal life that I can benefit from. I guess the question for part of that is "why?" Why do I want to get into the Top 10, 5, or graduate at the top of my class? I could easily get into college without it....Or can I? Why do I want a personal life? There are a number of children that work ALL THE TIME and it seems everything works out for them.
I think jealousy and wanting to "fit in" plays a big part in this. I'm one of those people that feel like they have to fit in somewhere, rather than feel like an outcast. So by achieving these goals I feel like I have a place or group to be in. That is not always the case though, seeing as I still feel like an outcast so obviously I have to try something else cause this is not working. Also I can not forget the state of mind that I am in which was mentioned before...
It may be possible that I'm just trying to be something that I'm not, or that I'm trying to be normal. Then I also look at it like this: I'm trying so hard to get into college so I can get a good job and raise a family. Considering how my life has been going so far, I definitely DO NOT want my children to go through the same problems when I was a child (Divorce would be a start). Well a friend of mine thought I was trying to live up to the american dream and I just thought referred to the fact that all parents want their children to do better than they did.
~There is more to this that I have not realized..so subject to change.
~So this is something that I need to try and work on for next year. Fortunately, the school year is drawing to a close so I do not have to worry about it as much. sweatdrop I feel my summer vacation will be a nice time to think and fix any problems I have on my mind. confused
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In my Life.."Stuff" happens..
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Wolly91
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