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Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

I love chances to make the right choice, I like to wave at the as they pass by.

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.

Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.

Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

My Reality Check bounced.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. Unless you me then your everyone's weirdo