"I might as well not be here. No one wants me here. I always get left out."
And on the rare occasion that I don't get left out, I'm really surprised, and probably make a fool of myself.
It really surprises me when people remember my name, or remember me at all.
I don't have any sort of charisma. And that's why I have no friends. I have school friends, sure, but the only person I have outside of school is my boyfriend. And that's so pathetic, I almost refused to go out with him just for that. But then again, it's not like anyone would know that he's the only person I have outside of school. Everyone assumes that everyone else has friends. How could a person possibly slip through the cracks like that? Well, I did.
It isn't that I'm antisocial. Because I'm not. Social situations make me uncomfortable, for sure, but I'm not a loner by choice. My mom would say I chose it. But what does she know? If I didn't want friends, I would have sat all alone at an empty table during lunch for the past three years. But I haven't. I find an interesting table of people to sit with, and I sit near them. Sure enough, I become a part of the table. But I'm more of a wall flower than anything else. I do try to become a part of conversation... But, like I said before, I don't have any charisma. So it'll be like no one heard me, or whatever I said will go unnoticed.
That's how it has always been for me, unless I'm with only three other people, or less.
Of course, it wasn't really a problem until three years ago, when we moved... And suddenly I'm in high school, with no friends, and too shy to fix it...
So here I am, sitting at my computer, because I am alone. Crying on the shoulder of the interweb.
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