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I grew up in a big town when I was a kid. Too many people, even for a big place there wasn't enough room for much. Two sisters and three brothers made it hard for everyone. Spent half my childhood searching for some place to call my own.
Money wasn't ever a factor for me and my siblings, because we all knew we weren't ever going to get any. My mother worked two jobs as a nurse and store clurk and my dad spent his time down at the local bars, dreaming away his life instead of living it. So stress came down on my mom like nothing else mattered.
I couldn't stand having nothing to call mine. No jobs would come up for me that I would be right for, or safe for me, or just didn't want to do. Finally saw that I really didn't ever want ot work. Not just the stupid idea of, I didn't beileve in hard work, like me father says. I just to see the world without doing all this bull s**t that didn't ever matter in life.
People don't get it when I ask people, "do you beileve in god? For the ones who say yes I then ask them this, "Well then you must beileve in Santa claws right?" They always say no. Doesn't make since to me fo beileveing in one concept that was told to you as a kid and give up on the other. My mother says, "well santa isn't but god is." Why they both do magic things for people. Help the world with kindness. Science can't explain how they do it. Why don't I have magic. If I wanted to be like santa couldn't I be just like he did?
Me and my best friend have known each other for nine years. We both had dreams then, seventh and now on our last year in high school. He has different dreams than I and that's cool. I look around with a big smile and see how great this is going to be for us.
By the end of the first look around, my smile went to confused. Not to be sad that my friends life is different but.... I look around a second time and see him with a wonderful, loving girlfriend that he is ment for. Someone who is going to pass high school the real way when I get the {Good Enough Deploma} (GED) He loves his music and he is really good at it. Piano, drums, bass, guitar all make him off to a good start for his age.
I looked around no more because I stood dead in a mirrow looking at my good old slef yet again. A writer I so dearly want to be. No publish poems or stories. No finished ideas that someone really likes deep down. I am lonely and depressed. Am dropped out of school and am not even studying for the Good Enoug Deploma. Sit by and hope for something to happen, never finding it.
People help me more than I reolize, but it doesn't always help. I almost hate it when people say I'm a nice guy and that I'm so sweet. Doesn't ever help, and makes me see the other sweet guys lonely and depressed. Being nice doesn't help me one bit. I can't be an a** hloe either, so it makes thing a twisted yoyo. Never want to really be anything. ....Awww, ******** me.