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Daily Ramblings (Part I: 18 June 07) |
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I sat in the room-the plainly clad room, waiting for something ANYTHING to happen. Perhaps the nurse would come in and say the docter had died by some odd case of pneumonia, and I would not be able to be served until tomarrow. Oh, how most inconvenient that would be. Or perhaps she would call me back, I would get my physical, and I could go on my bully way. But no-nothign happened. So I sat there for sixty minutes, amongst babies, new mothers, and conversation that stank with taking care of infants.
Ever minute, some gay little train would complete its circuit aroudn the perimerter of this building, every 60 seconds driving by this very room, crashing as loudly as physically possible. I had been here for sixty five minutes and counting. The wait was enough to get to my mind, without the thundrous train car storming through the wall. I almost wish taht at this point, someone woulddeclare me a lunatic so I coudl be sent out from this blasted bloody place. Perhaps then someone would kindly take the moemnt to remark, "THis girl is rather tormented," And not by something as foolish as this horrid wait, byt from all of life's rescent torments, piled together in a heaping mass above my head.
I can hear the LORD saying "This is a test-can you pass?" While Satan shouts, "YOU fail and you'll not be able to do anything. EVER." Pulling on me from both sides, I'm about to fall deeper and deeper, and die, but no one knows. Emotions get the best of me, and I cry out "DIE DIE DIE" wanting my life to be romantically whisped away-farther and farther.
I tried to figure out how sitting in a waiting room could bring out such a wide range of emotions. I think that I worry so much about living a life so maturely-as an example for others-living for frineds, and giving all I have for them that when a stupid thing is asked of me, I blow up with all that I held in for that time. I put so much effort and seriousness in how I live every day that something small comes along, and it is the last straw that breaks my camel's back. I tried SO terribly hard to take it, to be as Christ would be. For that is my goal-to bea like him. But Satan nearly possessed me, making me fall into sobs. I'm just not ready yet. And taht's ok. With time, God will transform me from this pansy to someone strong-that can do great things for the LORD. And I don't want to stumble itno self pity, but rather disregard myself entirely, just praising the LORD for all that He's given me. No more tears or screams-let Christ strengthen me.
"Well...do you feeel thoroughly ashamed at yourself now?" I asked myself. "Having let passions sweep you away from reality? Are you better now-ready to tackle a day?", for I felt more emotionally unstable than ever before. But I had to smile and reply, "Yes-I'm ready to move on, and become strong" 4laugh
PeglegGem · Tue Jun 19, 2007 @ 07:49pm · 0 Comments |
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