Here we go I have been feeling a bit afraid of this for a month now and I dont know how else to talk about it due to the fact of what I have been afraid of lately. I have gotten so close to my family, the one mentiond in the journal, my best friends. But for some reason I have been fearing the fact that I feel so close to them that now I can screw up easier and do somthing wrong, or just annoy them. I have found myself in many places where all I do is run when things like this happen. But I have been fighting this fear, seeing as it just keeps getting stronger, and trying to not run for no reason at all. I know that they have asked me if I was alright and I answered with "Im just tired." Im sorry I didnt tell them more but I Have honestly been thinking about stupid things that run through my head even some for no reason at all. "There mad at me" or "its just stupid why bother telling them this?"
I realy do fear lossing them and in affect I dont want to get hurt so I am trying to stay away from the effection and closeness, seeing as being so made me feel like I was doing something wrong. even a hug feels wierd unless it a quick hug now. But fighting this is what I am trying to do. And some way of fighting it are not what I want to do at all. NEway I have let it out the only way I feel okay doing so right now also feeling like this wrong to do but I have to say it some way. I love you all.
Mariasha_Adiana · Mon Apr 25, 2005 @ 08:32pm · 1 Comments |