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I feel like s**t and so ******** depressed and I don't want to feel this way, but I have no one to talk to anymore...well, no one I feel that I can talk to and trust. I used to be able to talk to my parents about anything, but that was when I was their "ideal child," with the straight A's, no problems in class, doing everything that they wanted child. Then we moved to cali and all of that changed. I changed and they didn't like it that much. Now I'm falling into a deeper and deeper hole, but the problem is, I'm not sure if I want to dig myself out of it or not. Everything's just falling apart, I'm not doing very well in my classes, my boyfriend is trying to get rid of me now, or whatever's going on with him, I don't even know anymore, but I really wish that I did, and I just don't feel motivated to do anything and I don't have any faith in myself. One of my friends was saying on Friday on how she loves hanging out with me, b/c whenever I'm with my friends, I'm always smiling, but little does she know how fake that smile is. She doesn't know how badly I just want to break down and cry and let them comfort me, but I know that that wouldn't happen. Maybe two or three of them would, but the others wouldn't. I don't feel like I have anywhere to run to and no one to depend on and it's scary. I know I may sound like I'm just complaining a lot, and I know others have it worse off than I do, so I'm just gonna go. No one cares to read this journal anyways and no one cares to try to help me right now.
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