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Listening to The Cure's "Friday I'm in love", wondering if I hallucinated a video once -no one's ever seen it but me, it seems! -and where I can find a decent place to make clothes. I mean, I want to make my own clothes. The ones they're selling don't please me any more. Annoying thing going to the stores and only finding things you wouldn't wear even if you were chained to a wall and whipped all day. Yeah, whatever.

That and cigarettes, and books (plenty of them), and tests, tests, essays, and brother trying to listen to Emo all day -trying, because I refuse to let him drive me insane with Millencolin! -and wondering when the hell I'll finally have time to relax.

Disturbing imagery ahead. Skip if you have a weak stomach.

Went to the Child Cancer Hospital on Monday -Development Psychology field trip. Or something like that. I was very nervous, of course, children with cancer not being my favourite subject to write an essay on, but I just had to let Alexei choose. Served me right for letting him choose anything. Anyway.

A psychologist -Ana Lucia -explained to us how it worked, more or less, we stayed over an hour in her office getting prepared. So, she took us to see the children.

Nothing too big, yep, I thought it would be worse. The kids looked kinda happy. Well, that's when we go into the toy room and there's this little girl playing dominos on one table, far away from everyone else, and I felt bad so I approached her and asked if she wanted me to play with her -Alexei was playing with a bald boy at the time. She lifted her head and I jumped back.

The girl had no eyes. You could see that there were just two big hollows in her face where her eyes should be (Ana Lucia later explained that she had eye cancer and her eyeballs had to be removed), and sometimes she's scratch her... er, eyes, and her lids would lift and... yeah, disturbing imagery, but you get used to it pretty fast, believe me.

In the end, I was just dancing with her and I became really attached to the little girl (she's four/five years old). I'm going back there to see her. She kinda liked me too ^_^

Interesting thing was me telling my therapist about it. She winced and asked me if I could sleep at night after that. And I said "Why would not I?" and she said most people would still have nightmares about it, that I must have some solid base here.

Felt like a compliment.

I'm going insane, aren't I? biggrin It's starting to feel almost good.