Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Day 1,978 of being an evil Proctologist, Somewhere off the coast of Nebraska...

Recap - Proctologist Nefarious runs an evil organization somewhere off the coast of Nebraska along with his henchmen: Scout, Hench2, Adrian Glorp, and Geeky a** Scientist - AKA Todd. Nefarious's greatest loss was losing the famous "Great Cookoff of Good and Evil" to his arch-nemesis - Antione the Professional French Chef, with his assistant - Trebor. Since that day, Nefarious has vowed to destroy Antione... We join our villains in an epic search for Proctologist Nefarious's number one Henchman - Scout. Scout has recently gone missing....
Todd: Actually he quit
Nefarious DON'T TELL THEM THAT!

Ahem... yes well back to the Recap.... Now... the search is on for Scout....

Todd: We actually know where he is. You try coming up with the money for four plane tickets, when Mr. Stuck up Prissybitch over here HAS to fly first class....
Nefarious: Well It's not my fault that you were raised in a barn...

ANYWAYS! The story now continues, somewhere off the coast of Nebraska....
_______________________________________________________________________

Todd: Behold, Nefarious! The Greatest invention that your eyes have ever seen!
Nefarious: I don't know, I saw the bedazzler...
Todd: TA-DA!

I stared at Todd and his ridiculous contraption....

Nefarious: It's a jetpack... You know we're getting plane tickets right?
Todd: Yes! But I recently found out that Scout has been living on the top of Mt. Kiki-laki-hoppie Lapa paum paum.
Nefarious: Is that like a volcano or something?
Todd: No it's an apartment complex. Now, the only way in is through the doorman. Unfortunately, you have not yet mastered your phasing ability.
Nefarious: Just one more thing on my to-do list...
Todd: So! I have devised for you to fly to the top suite, where Scout lies in wait, unknowingly....


(deep within the recesses of Hawaii....)

Scout: Ah..... Sunshine.... beautiful women.... bloodlust... what more could I ask for?
Nefarious: your job back?
Scout: NEFARIOUS! Wh-What are you doing here?
Nefarious: I thought I made it obvious with my first line there....
Scout: Hmmm lemme see.... ah yes. Well I'm not going back. I'm happy here.

He was worse than I thought. He was talking about happy things... I had to save him soon. Or we might lose him forever... Not to mention the lair is still going to fall apart in only a mere 56 hours...

Nefarious: What if I hire you again at 2x normal wages?
Scout: Now you're talking my language.
Nefarious: I thought you spoke English.
Scout: So I guess we're talking about... what kind of money here...?
Nefarious: The green kind? stare
Scout: Because I was thinking more along the lines of a five-figure salary....
Nefarious: B-But! That would be like... 1% of all my profits from Evil Proctology! I can't pay you that much! It's just not possible!
Scout: Take it or leave it...
Nefarious: Fine Scout... you win. We'll flip for it.
Scout: All right. Do you have a quart- WAIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE DIVING BOARD!
Nefarious: Prepare for the most ridiculous swan dive you've ever seen!

Hitting the water belly first hurt more than I thought it would. Especially after I passed out from the pain. The only thing I remember was drifting down, down toward the bottom of the deep end...