Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I dont know why but I was thinking about my dad today and I just was wondering why he left me..I dont understand it, was I not good enough to be with him? Did I disappoint him so much that he moved away? Why didnt he care enough to stay around me? My life would have been better if he had stayed but since he left I cant trust anyone and Im always paranoid about people..I thought he loved me enough to stay but I was obviously wrong, so what makes my friends any different? If he can leave me then so can everyone else, which is why I try not to get close to people..The thing Im most afriad of is people leaving me all alone again, Im so tired of being alone and not trusting people. I dont care if you say "Oh you can trust me, I wont ever leave you" because I know that its a lie and eventually I will be alone, so dont even try to tell me that 'you can trust me' because that doesnt mean s**t to me. I dont trust anyone and I probably never will...Ugh I hate writing my feelings because now I just wanna puke up all my guts. I know its weird but that just happens when I say how I feel. "Why aren't I good enough for anyone!!" I just want to scream that so loud and make this feeling go away but I know that wont happen, so I just sit here being cold and alone shivering, rocking back and forth trying to comfort myself but it doesnt help. So good bye..Dont worry I dont have the guts to commit suicide today so dont worry, I will be back.

Ok well I took this personality disorder test thing and this is how it came up
Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Very High
Schizoid: High
Schizotypal: High
Antisocial: Moderate
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Very High
Dependent: Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.html


Yeah so basicly Im a Paranoid, Borderline, Avoident, Dependent (those were the Very High ones)
The High ones were Schizoid, Shizotypal, Obessesive-Compulcive.

Yeah Im pretty ******** up in the head.